Across U-hub Living the Dream Concert

Trailer for the Living the Dream Concert that will be held in P.C.Ho Theater at Chinese Culture Center on Sat. Feb 24, 7:30pm and Sun Feb 25, 3:30pm

Pre-order ticket at www.acrossuhub.com

Directing/Acting Classes

I am taking this class that's suppose to be for helping you how to direct actors...
and they say, if you want to know how to direct, you need to know how to act first...
so that you will know how hard it is for actors/actress to express themselves when have to be on the spot...

well...didn't think will have any problems at first, cause i did have some drama experience back in the days...
i don't like to do any public speaking...let alone acting...
but then, cause the class is really small, it is different to act for a whole audience, cause u don't really see any of the ppl down there when the spotlight is on you...so i can be free and do whatever...
so...in this small room full of ppl of different race...it is pretty hard...
forcing you out of the comfort zone...

One of the excise that we learn that will help actors connect is call a "word repetition" game...
that's when two ppl sit opposite of each other, knees to knees, eyes to eyes...
to fully observe any details about the other person, and just keep repetiting the words till there are new observations...
like a ping pong game, bounce back and forth....
will be like "You are scared", "You are scared"....."You are tense", "You are tense"
back and forth...
the purpose is so that the words will keep the brain occupied while your true emotion will be able to come out without thinking it through...

it is pretty interesting...
cause through the games, i learn about myself and others as well...
i can see that the partner that i choose to do this game with,
is someone that i have confidence to "manage", that i can control the whole process without making a fool of myself in front of the class...
somehow, the teacher was able to see this, maybe cause my tone was there to "help" or "teach" the other person how to do this...
and she said "Being safe doesn't get you the best stuff, creativity wise"...
which is pretty true, for me,
i guess i do things the same in many areas of my life,
choosing to do the safest thing so no one will be able to comment on them...
but i think i have change bit by bit these couple of years,
cause i know that no matter what you choose to do, ppl will comment and critiize it no matter what...
so as long as you are true to yourself and do what you feel is right...

Another thing out of this excise,
is that, when the words or phrases are repeated too long,
ppl will try to "act", which means trying to play an emotion, rather than just let the emotion play itself out...
they want to make it to be more interesting...
and that's the worst acting, lowest form of acting there is, playing an emotion, rather than feeling the emotion and then use it to drive the action...
cause "the reality of acting is in the doing itself", truly doing the action with emotion droven...

Then the teacher say that...
we need to be confident that,
just by sitting there, being yourself, is already interesting enough...
don't need to make up other stuff to be special...

I think it is so true in life...
i see ppl around be very afraid of silence...
or afraid they don't have anything to say...
so will make up lots of things to say... try to be funny...
will talk about other ppl, or putting ppl down...
try to show they are superior or smart...
but lots of time, it is just trash that comes out of the mouth...
don't you know that being silent is a message in itself?

It is this feeling of wanting to feel special, trying to get peoples' attention that often hurts people around you.

思想體檢報告

From 思想體檢報告

· 重義氣，對朋友全心全意的付出不會佔別人便宜。
· 與世無爭、步調從容、態度圓融，做人處事低調內斂。
· 順其自然、性格中庸、單純，做人處事以和為貴，容易與人相處。
· 為人正直，痛恨投機取巧者。
· 不推卸責任，骨子硬。
· 求知慾強烈，能將所學運用自如。

缺點：
· 理想主義者，作決定欠缺實際利益考量。
· 缺乏遠見、欠缺責任感與危機意識，應學習先思後行以免因為做了欠缺考量的決策而吃虧。
· 不知變通、冷漠。
· 會因為能力強而高傲、看不起光說不練之人。
· 因為自傲而漠視社會輿論。

Bright Future

First film that i did ever, which was back in 2003.
It was shot with just one roll of 8mm, with a very nice Super 8 camera from the UT Hart house.
It was shot for a Super 8 film fest at the time and there was a live band playing jazz to accompany it.

It was a time when i feel that i was struck in my job working in an office. Didn't my parents say that i will have a great future and a great job waiting for me once i finish university? Is this going to be it for me?
So this film was born...
I purposely shot it straight on, just let it run, to reflect and to show a sense of realism that is experienced in real life.
You feel that it is boring just looking at him work?
Well, aren't you doing the same thing everyday at your job?

On Funeral

"I would rather participate in life than write a hundred stories." ~Thomas Mann

I hate to do shooting more and more now...
well...for events that is...
but cause ppl know that u know a bit about video shooting...
will push you to do it everytime...
and the most recent one is my aunt's funeral...hate it hate it....!!!!!

i already told my mom many times that i don't want to do it...
cause it is very weird to me...
having to shoot a dead person...and esp. one of my own relatives...
and what do i do when i see ppl crying in the funeral?
do i capture it too? like i do when i am doing a wedding?
and having to see the whole thing through the screen of the video camera...
it is as a third person's view...that i am not part of this event, like an outsider...
is like i am not existing in the same space...
i think funeral is a place where the person can be remembered and the family and relatives can let the sadness comes out...
and in a way, let the tears heal each other...
being this "outsider, i can't fully absorb the atomsphere...
was not able to grief and let my emotions out...

all i can think of is to observe the "audience"... what they are feeling...
what type of interactions they may have had in my aunt's life...
try to feel their sadness as a third person and think of what i can write about it...
HATE IT!!!!!!

In remembrance...

It was Sunday afternoon, while i was having lunch with my brother and sisters after worship...
then suddenly got a call from my mom, who rarely calls me on my cell...
and i can hear her voice being a bit shaky... but pretend to be calm at first...
just a moment later just burst out in tears and said...
"#2 aunt may not be able to make it... you should come to the hospital right away..."

Almost all the sisters from my mom's side have moved to Canada together
and we will always have these big family gatherings almost every week...
there will be about 20 ppl all clamped into one house..including all the kids and stuff...
and so the family ties are really close...
and my #2 aunt had always been really faithful in church....
kind and helpful to everyone...

When i arrive at the ICU, i can see almost everyone of my relatives there already,
everyone looking very grave and some still having tears in their eyes...
i couldn't really believe this is really happening, it was all so sudden,
my aunt had a brain stroke...
there was no signs or warnings...
she was at home going to take a shower
and the next moment, she fell to the floor...
was not able to breath on her own, only the heart is still pounding...
and by 6pm, the doctor declared her offically brain dead and passed away...

My mom told me that she was really glad that the 4 sisters had a gathering the night before...
where they were able to share their struggles...
and one of the struggle that my aunt was having...
was worrying about my cousin who have left God for a long time now...
also my little cousin who is studying aboard and my aunt had to be her guidance here...
but cause she was a bit hard to take care of...
cause the two cousins weren't getting along were in the same house...
they were helping for God's help...
then the next day, this happens...

My cousin was really upsad, but believe that they will be meeting again in the heavens...
and said that will still take up my aunt's will to take care of her...

If this is God's will...
as it is not always what we wished for...
will you still be able to obey and accept it when it goes for the wrong turn?

Wow...just realized that i haven't written anything for almost 2 months...
too many things happening for the past months, too many things and thoughts crowded inside my head that is just struck there and can't get out...
even since my HK/Taiwan trip from April, then come back to City Mosaic, started a relationship...then being a youth mentor for the very first time in the camp, then the Toronto film fest where i watched around 14 films or more...then suddenly passing away of my aunt in one day's time, taking up this new acting/directing night class at Ryerson...all these happens in a couple of months time...

i feel that all these things need to be sinked in and digested...
that i was stuck in a state of blankness only till now begin to recover little by little...
hope i can be able to make sense of it, retrieve it from memory...and not let the experiences go to waste...

Life as a mathematical formula

There are so many unknowns in life...
if we are to set some variables to define these unknowns, X (men), Y(women), Z(incident)
so for example, 2 guys having a fight maybe something like this X1 +X2 +Z = ?
or maybe a love triangle will be like X1 + X2 + Y + Z == X + Y1 +Y2 + Z == some negative number cause someone is going to get hurt for sure...

also there are so many changes in life, which we can call "derivatives" (dx)/(dy), where life changes every moment of the day, and we do an "integration", to collect all the changes (dx) in life and recreate the whole picture by adding all of these changes up...


There are so many ppl in life, so many things happening, changes every seconds...
what if we encounter something that we cannot understand or cannot solve?
like (This guy keeps bugging me and won't go away), (Need to buy a car/house and don't have enough money to pay for the down payment), (don't know about my calling or future direction)....
all these things are happening in your life... and wont' be able to solve it in the short term...
so can just put a bracket around them and just leave them alone for a while...and go on with other stuff..
sometimes after a while, the bracket may just opens up and goes away,
or you have found the unknown variables you need in other parts of life and will be able to work these brackets out...


there will for sure be ppl or incidents that gives you bad experiences or negative numbers...
but when you look at the whole picture, they are just a small part of your life long long LONG equation...
and we may need some of those negative experiences to counter another gloomy event later on in another stage...
which will make a positive outcome...

so don't be discourage for all the struggles and unknowns in life...

P.S. if you can use the Strong Law of Large Numbers on the world,
then you will be able to see God the all mighty exist....=D

P.P.S. Sorry for all these numbers and variables, just my calculus memory from UT coming back to haunt me...XD

"Only when the glass breaks can light shine through."
~ Leonard Cohen

今天遇上的困苦和等待，
是為了我們明日的脫變。

Lady In the Water

Had been a fan of M. Night Shyamalan since his Sixth Sense movie and Signs...
cause his work is pretty orginial... don't really know what to expect in the end...

This movie's theme is that everyone has a purpose in the world, that we are all connected...
we may have doubts in ourselves on what we are to become,
"Who am I? i am nothing, i am just an ordinary guy, what talents do i have to change the world..."
But who knows... maybe we are not to be famous... but someone years from now will read or see our world and be inspired and make great changes around the world...
so don't give up...we are have our purpose and personal legends to chase after...

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

------------------------------------------------
There are lots of symbols and myths in there which i like...
some role as the guild, the translator, and healer...sort of like an RPG game, need to find all sorts of characters before the mission can be completed...
but i guess we all need someone ot translate the symbols and signs of this complicated world and be inspired like the purpose fo the narf in the movie...

Don't go to see this movie if you are expecting a horrow /Thriller film. It has some parts that are inspiring and touching... but i suggest to wait for the DVD...

On Sickness

Haven't seen sick for quite a while...
This time is from my brother... who had a fever beginning of the week...
when i had to drive him around to work i guess i caught it gwa...
Just funny why the gems will only die down in one person when it is pasted to another person??

when i try to take the pills that i brought from last time to stop the running nose...
it had just expired in Apr...
so had to take the Neo-Citron... i kinda like the taste of it...
with a hint of sweet lemon taste...but bitter at the same time...
it passes the warmth into the veins of my body...
but just dont' like how it makes me sleepy...
maybe i do need a rest....

--------------------------------------
i actually like being sick once in a while...
without any strength in your body, you can just lay on the bed...
that i can take off all my burnens... all my masks and just lay there on my bed...
dont' have to be independent and try to take care of everything...
don't have to pretend to be strong and tough like i do everyday...
just to be a little child again...
that i need to be care for once in a while too...
to "ther" ppl around me...
to be upsad...or be mad for no reason...

I guess it is one of the ways for u to know if you love really love a person...
that's if you are able to do stupid things and be a child and show ur true self...
and trust that they will not laugh at u and think u r weak or stupid...XD

Thx mum...

An immigrant to the world

Movies/books have made readers/viewers an immigrant to the world.
It showed us the other side of the world where there are hundreds of possibilities compare to what we call reality today.

What is reality? It is just a chain of consequences that came out with luck and butterfly effects, and defeated all the others. Sort of like there is only one sperm that can get into the egg and all the others dies.

Everytime a page is turned or a scene is opened, they show you what it may have been like and how it reflects on this ugly, shallow world that you never want to come back to. The problem is not getting back to reality, as it only needs a strong will and determination, and will be able to pull yourself out. The problem is not the listener, but yourself. How you can tell people around you what you have seen on the other side.

As Plato said, "You find that you are standing on the grounds / surroundings that you are familiar with, but you have become an alien with a foreign tongue that no one can understand."

Colorgenics Test

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

Of late, everything seems to be going so slowly - far slower than you anticipated - and this is causing you much anxiety and frustration. It would appear that there is little you can do about the series of events that now seem to be taking place. In spite of the fact that you feel like 'giving up' - don't. Take a deep breath and start over again and you will find that eventually the expression 'All's well that ends well' will have an extra special meaning for you.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

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go here for your own test
http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

無論如何，我們都是孤寂的。。。

Libido and Art

All my life, I had a need to think painting, to paint in order to liberate myself from all the impressions, all the feelings, and all the anxieties of which the only solution I know is painting.

- Nicolas de Staë

I think it is kind of similiar to what Freud said about Libido, where libido means the energy of life. In his eyes, life is driven by sexual desire, love for oneself, for their family, even love for art or belief. And this energy is not unlimited, what is used up will not be recovered.

When things are not going their way in life, people will feel powerless and debilitated, the way to release these pressure maybe take it out on their loved ones, be it lovers or family and friends, go on a shopping spree, go drink till you drop, so to forget about it for a while.

Artists are usually consider to have a very strong Libido, and it is this pressure and drive from the energy of life that gives inspiration and muse to their artwork. They are usually more sensitive to problems in life around them, and in trying to solve them, be able to boarden their horizon and begin their creation.

When they feel pressure, anxiety, distress in life, will try to find out the source of these complications, analyses it face to face with reason, and consciously readjust its target to the projection of the libido energy. Not to give up and lose the battle easily and waste the chance to grow, but rather, infuse it attentively into their art and who knows, maybe able to change the world in the mean time.

Jacksoul

Went to the Jacksoul concert with some good friends...

i always loved Jacksoul's music...
the music just has this beat that makes you want to dance to it...
and the voice of Hayden is so so nice...
very rich and powerful...
makes you want to just cry with songs like someday

Music is just so amazing and it touches ppl's heart so deeply...
i have to work hard on my guitar...

Very funny Cheer Video

A hurricane started to form down the stomach,
stirring up a tornado all the way up to the heart,
turning, twisting, crushing it like there is no tomorrow.

It doesn't just stop there,
taking its hardest revenge to the back of the head,
initiating a tsunami that floods the whole globe.

After it had build enough force,
with tidal waves that are couple of stories high,
it starts to attack the highly secured waterdam gates
that had been doing a very well job of defending for so long.

They just knows that it cannot break,
because if this stronghold is broken,
the whole thing will be over,
there will be nothing left.

But the impact is so great that it just demolish water gate within seconds,
breaking the rest of the body to millions of little shreds and pieces.

My Favorite Things

Haagan Dazs Plain Chocolate Ice Cream,
Just get a bucket and scope away...

Red Wine with Thousand year old eggs.

Cotes du Rhone Red Wine while watching movie in basement.

Rusty Nail cocktail, having both the smoothness and the bite down your throat.

Coffee with Milo, really great...a must try!!

Smell of dark toasted Mandheling coffee beans.

A hot bowl of Tomato, Potato, ox Tail, on a cold cold snowy day.

The smell of burning firewood.

The sound of saxophone, guitar, and piano.

Cheer's Albums, all her songs, well, most of it.

Sade's music really loud while driving on the highway at night.

Stan Getz's Bossa Nova.

Love Letter's OST when traveling through mountains.

Cheer's songs while driving, is like you are going on a traveling trip.

Watching artist play guitar on stage and singing their own songs.

Watching people doing what they enjoy and have passion in it.

Stealing glances from beautiful strangers on the streets.

Girls with not a lot of makeup on,
Confidence is the best makeup.

Girl wearing just plain white tank top with blue jeans,
Don't need to overdo simple beauty.

When snow had just finish falling
Everything is covered in snow,
And there is no footprints or car tracks on the streets,
Everything seem so pure and quite.

Rain drops on a pebble walkway,
It is like painting it with color bit by bit.

The surface of a lake or pond when it is raining,There are lots of ripples on the surface, Creating really beautiful picture with music accompanying it.

The moment after the rain has stopped, the earth seems really quiet, Then slowly, the birds begins to come out, to tell the rest of the world to get up, The grass slowly rise its head up, and people start to come out from shelter.

The dripping of rain drops on the corner of the roof.

A really really hot shower, till my skin turns all red,
And a good thing about showers, you can't tell which are tears which are the water drops.

Watching children's' smiling face,
Just running around really happily,
Playing simple games (Not PSP!!)

The warmth from a fresh laser printout.

The muscle pain after an intense workout,
You feel you have really worked hard and makes you feel alive.

A causal walk in the walk at dawn, not that many ppl in the park,
Just one or two walking their dogs,
The gentle breeze of the wind moving the little green fingers of the trees,
Makes me clam and peaceful.

The smell of fresh cut grass.

Taking pictures, to appreciate what God created.

Sitting in the corner of the library reading with a ray of sunshine on me,
To let me feel the warmth and know that God is with me.

Small and cozy coffee shops on little side streets,
With a fireplace and a sofa,
Just to go sit, read and write.


When i think of all these things,
I don't feel so bad... ^__________^

When crisis comes

When Crisis comes,
It usually comes in a bunch...

When Disaster strikes,
An oppounity is also at the corner...
There is always contingencies

When Crisis comes,
It is a test of how tough you really are...
How firm can you stand on your ground...
A turning point, a defining moment
and say is that all you got?

When Conflict comes,
It is a measure of the strength and weakness of your community...
Who are ready to to stick with you...
Who are not enough to take that extra step...

It is like a meter that tells you how close are people around you...
You can see some that will disappear right away...
Some just pretend they don't know you...
Some pretend that nothing happened...

It is also an assessment of how many real friends are there to support you...
offer you not only empty words...
but to stand behind your back...
and pull you out of the bottomless pit together..
never to leave you behind...

Thanks for the oppounity to make me strong...
and to see that i am being loved...

DSC_0587

Scenes from a Party

Everyone has their own problems and struggles, from family, relationships, friends, work, loneliness, sickness. We all have our own problems but just not willing to face them, we just look for ways to divert our attentions. Going to parties, getting drunk, being surrounded by people, we can temporarily get away from it all. But when the night is over, it is just even worst than before, because you just have to face the problem all the same.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Jerry and Jessica had just had a big fight before going to Alex's party. Jessica and Jerry get into Alex's apartment, pretend they don't know each other, and just walks around the room and greet their friends.
Even though they didn't say it, but each of them was observing what the other person is doing, eyeing whom they are talking to. ..

Then John arrives with a gloomy face, didn't say hello to anyone, just sat down beside the table, went for a rock glass and poured himself a glass of Jim Beam. Who had just found out that his father passed away today from a heart attack...

Jerry is hitting on Jenny just to make Jessica angry. Jenny knows she was being used, but what can she do, this is the only chance to be close to him...

Everyone have their own reason to get drunk....
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Coming soon....

整體性格
Joseph先生，心思細膩，品味獨到；親切友善，行事圓融，懂得享受生活；也有追求高品質，不拘小節，堅持原則的一面。
待人性格
Joseph先生待人：相當感性；既喜歡與人同樂也能樂於獨處；謙虛含蓄；會適度偏袒自己人；大方坦蕩但也能保守秘密。
處世性格
Joseph先生處事：不喜歡干涉別人；態度隨和；容易協商；把握重點兼顧細節；有些天馬行空；靈活變通游刃有餘。
性格缺點
Joseph先生性格的缺點為：比較浪費出手相當豪奢；有時候容易妥協不能擇善固執；偶爾會拖泥帶水不夠直接。
價值觀
Joseph先生重視的價值觀為：親密的感情；愛情的滋潤；傳播真理；較不擅長：鞏固權力；節儉守財；出頭爭先。
愛情性格
Joseph先生在愛情上較不適應急躁的進展步調，懂得製造浪漫，會吃醋但不過分；較常表現：善良包容，優雅大方，要求嚴格，積極主動。
金錢性格
Joseph先生的金錢觀：花錢很適度不浪費也不小氣，用錢會有妥善的計劃；容易把錢用於：享受浪漫，交際應酬，提升品質，滿足自我。

Not ready to write anything yet...
need more rest...and time..
to unpack stuff, and unpack my experiences...
still trying to upload the photos from trip and gather my thoughts..
doing this for now...

Taiwan...Day 4

Very tiring...
a bit sick..cause of too much deep fried food and the air here is not that great...
my throat has been hurting for several days now..
but still have to go on....=P

just came back from Taichong today...
met lots of local ppl here...all very nice ppl and very welcoming..
taking me into their home and willing to show me around...

the concert is so great..finally my wish was fulfilled in seeing her LIVE....
Cheer's voice is so great..the singing is so so touching...


going back to HK tm nite...
bought too many books here in Taiwan...don't know how to carry it back...
hmmm..very very heavy...
didn't buy much of other stuff..cause didn't really go to the "tourist" areas...
and all the food have to be eaten here...can't really bring them back..
dont' know what to do...hmm...

already took like 300 photos in these 4 days...haha...

will write in more detail when i get back...

Material possesions == psychological fulfilled?

Does more money really make someone more happy than ppl with less money??

As long as we have a certain min. amount of money to take care of our basic and necessary needs..like a shelter..food..clothes...it will already get to a certain level of happiness really fast..
and the more money that we spend...it will only add a little of what is already available, it will not surpass the level of happiness already achieved...


just like in economics...you can only get so much gain in the profits or returns on labour or utility...it is called marginal returns...you need to put in a lot of resource to gain a little bit more after you reach a certain equilibrium level...
Material objects just mimics what we feel as solutions to needs that we don't understand...
Cars and big houses are just material dimension solutions when what we need is psychological ones...

when getting a beer...do u really want a beer or u want the friends and happiness that u always see in the ads...



when getting a jeep...do u really want that Jeep? or the idea of being free and get out of the city and run wild off the roads...



when getting a diamond... do u really want just want that shiny stone on ur finger or the real love that it is suppose to symbolize?




















" Mankind is perpetually the victim of a pointless and futile martyrdom, fretting life away in fruitless worries through failure to realize what limit is set to acquisition and to the growth of genuine pleasure." Epicurus

Why do we want to seek more money in life??
the ultimate goal is so that we can secure attention and respect from people around us..
to make us feel important and wanted...

If that's the case..then does it mean that we just need true friends and family that really love and support us for who we are in the end??

"Before you eat or drink anything, consider carefully who you eat or drink with rather than what you eat or drink: for feeding without a friend is the life of a lion or a wolf."

We don't really exist unless there is someone who can see us exist...what we say have no meaning unless someone is there to perceive it...just like a movie has no meaning if there is no audience to watch it and interact with it...

We also need to have a place where we can voice out and vent...
By writing a problem down, we begin to know its characteristics..., even though we may not be able to remove it...we can stop it from confusing us even more...

"When measured by the natural purpose of life, poverty is great wealth; limitless wealth, great poverty."

" There is nothing dreadful in life for the man who has truly comprehended that there is nothing terrible in not living."

Apr 3

Haven't have a chance to write anything these days...essay due at school...2 exams next week...meetings and stuff...don't really have a chacne to get a good rest...

As well..not that great with emotions as well...for those of u that knows what i am going through..
please continue to pray for me...

Really looking forward to the trip next Friday...
only planned for the first week..which will be mostly in Taiwan..
i bought the ticket...which is pretty expensive..more than i thought...
still didn't get a solid contact with my frd's cousin yet...
booked one nite of hotel in TaiChong..that's it...
maybe i can just hang out at the 24 hrs bubble tea shops or the book store..that's the worst case..haha...

wishing to go to Kyoto now that my brother is out of the Tokyo trip with me...
but have to do reseach and need more money..=P

hmm...10 more days...
didn't really prepare anything yet for the trip...
but at least i need to have some expectations or goals for it...as Nicole always say...haha...
i guess i have an idea of those...will share after i come back...

30 Hour Famine

Hi all,

I am participating in the 30 Hour Famine and
collecting donations to help children in need around the world.

You guys know that i like to eat
but when you think of all the children around the world that don't have anything to eat,
the poverty and hunger that they are going through,
i think that we need to do something to help them...

So i am going to try the 30 hour famine..which is my first time doing it..

NO i am not doing it cause i want to be on diet..even though i need one...=P
BUT i really want to try to have the feeling and experience hunger and suffering that the children in poor country are going through...(even though it is not even close to what they are really facing)


Would you please click on the link below to
make a donation and help me?

http://www2.worldvision.ca/famine/12987907


The 30 Hour Famine will take place on Apr 7 and 8...you guys will be welcome to join me..i am doing it with some friends in my cell group...

If not able to join the 30 hour famine, you can still help with making a donation to help them...
Would you please click on the link below to
make a donation and help the children?

http://www2.worldvision.ca/famine/12987907

morning coffee

One morning when i am having breakfast with Teresa at the work place...
we are going to make fresh coffee as usual..

and i said..

J: Hey...This coffee taste pretty good...Which blend is this?? It taste better than the one we were having before...

Teresa looked at me without saying anything...
T: That's the same blend that we are always having...every morning..
but Nicole just moved it into another container so that we didn't have to reach up to the top shelf to get it...

J: Hmm...i i thought it tasted familar...=P

T: It is the Colombian coffee that we always have in the morning...
You are so easily fooled by the packing..haha.a... ^o^

J: Yes..i know..i don't deny it..haha... i am such a sucker...


But aren't we all??
who dares to say that they aren't as easily fooled by the appearances and bland names??
even though something that is exactly the same, their values can be 3 or 4 times difference just because they are sold in a different store or the display is different... >_<

Perhaps...Love? Perhaps NOT~

There were lots of different opinions about this film...
I wasn't going to watch this film in the first place cause one of my trusted movie watcher didn't like it... and our taste were pretty close...so i didn't really think about this film..
but many different ppl keep on saying how good it is..and i liked the actress in the film.. so i am like..what the heck...
the only way to find out is to watch it myself...

( Warning: Spoilers ahead... if you have not watched the movie or u have watched it and liked it alot...
Please do not read on!!)

The idea of the story is alright...
it is kinda like a <Day for Night> by Francois Truffaut and <Le Mepris> by Jean Luc Godard, where it is a movie about doing a movie production...
how the relationship of the characters acting in the movie have their relationship problems in real life and how the director had to deal with them...
However, in both films, Truffaut and Godard used that method to show the director's own personal reflections on making film..
to use it to rethink and mediate film as a medium...to show the reality of the illusion of the movie business... how chaotic and messy an actual shooting process can be...
to disengage the audience and keep a distance with the film so they can have a thinking space


Well...Peter Chan used this form to show love is kinda like the illusion as a movie production.. that it is not real...
and the story takes place in a circus to kinda reinforce that point...
there were lots of use of reflective surfaces..like the water surfaces..and mirrors...
so i thought..hm..ok..maybe it does have something to tell...

The movie tries to blur the boundaries of the characters' memories into the movie by intercutting between the story being shot and what actually happened...well...it did worked in some of the scene... like the scene where Xun Zhou was struggling whether to go with Takeshi... and all these other girls are pulling her back.. intercutting her own past where she had to have drinks with directors to get parts...

the editing wasn't done that well... too choppy.. i know what they were trying to do.. but just too disorganize.. didn't work.. just confused the audience.. and some of the scene didn't really cut together...
how come they had a little movie of Takeshi and Zhou Xun on the river hugging?? where did that come from??
it is like one of the key points of the movie..and just breaks the whole plot that was based on it...
Overall, all the characters do not have enough depth...too one dimensional...

most of the muscial scenes weren't done that well... the dancers wasn't really collaborated well together...the lighting setup have no mood or style...the sets in those scenes just too crap compare to the rest of the film... esp the last scene where they were flying in the air.. the background was just too fake...

and i think because film being shot was a musical.. it limited the power of those scenes..
where the lines..which has to be lyrics that is suppose to move the story forward... was limited because it had to fit the music and couldn't really go deep enough...
if it were just regular dialogues, will have helped build on the characters emotions much better...

if Peter Chan wants to show love as an illusion... that love is really harsh and unreal... please... go all the way...the ending really wasn't needed...
if u were firm enough to just have Takeshi walk out on Zhou Xun..taking revenge on her..
then i will be clapping my hands and cheering for you..cause u were brave enough to surprise the audience
not to have a happy ending as expected...
and u had made ur point...but no..it had to linger on...and on...and on...

However,
in the end..
i do have to give the director some credit..
cause he did try to do something new and be creative..
it was a nice try... but just have the form... not the content..
and please..the basics and little details are important....

每人每天眼睛一睜開都是一場《華麗的冒險》

◎旅行的意義。
當初寫這首歌是在騎著機車，這首歌給我充滿速度的感覺，就是人沒有辦法進行到如此快的速度，好像回顧著很多事情，很多東西從眼前飛逝而過，是以這樣的狀態寫下來的。

男主角旅行的意義就是為了離開女主角，女主角旅行的意義則是為了找回自己，也為了離開男主角，所以各自在不同的地方旅行著。

◎Sentimental Kills。
新的版本比較瘋一點，而單曲版是自己在家用MD錄的，在床頭彎著腰就這樣錄了，一直想模仿John Lennon像〈Jealous Guy〉這樣的歌，舊舊的、聲音有一點delay，在家裡亂試，做出來還蠻頹廢的，這樣的氣氛也暗示在專輯的版本，自己非常滿意，這就是當初寫這首歌想要的感覺。

◎華麗的冒險。
《吉他手》做完後，常掉入是一個人的狀態，每天重複過日子，眼睛一張開卻不知要做什麼，現在想起來，其實每人每天眼睛一睜開都是一場華麗的冒險，即使計畫好的事情都可能生變，所以在寫歌時會思考很多。

所謂的「華麗」不一定是字面上的意義，是一種精神的豐富，這些歌曲都來自我非常簡單的生活，而簡單的生活會看到很多美好，這是在忙亂的人眼中所看不到的。

i guess that's how a true artist should be..
able to sense the little details out of our daily ordinary lives that others just don't see ....

For full interview go to http://www.hitoradio.com/music/1i_1.php?inter_id=47

Money can buy you...

Heard it from somewhere...

Money can buy you the biggest, most comfortable bed,
but not a good night of sleep.

Money can buy you the best and most delicious food,
but not an appetite.

Money can buy you the best medicine, best doctor,
but not health.

Money can buy you the biggest house,
but not a home.

Money can buy you the best red wine,
but not a friend that you want to share it with.

Money can buy you the most shining diamond,
but not true love.

Next Stage??

I think i have arrived at the age where lots of decisions are to be made...
at a crossroad in life for big changes...
it is a stage where ppl have grad from university and have worked for a couple of years...
and it is time to think about what to do next...
some have made a great career...
some have gotta married and bought a house...trying to make their mortage payments every month...
some still searching...searching...

many of my good good frds..
have decided or are planning to go back to HK..
because they are not satisfy with the life that they are having here in Toronto...
they think that with the experience and education that they have..
they can have a much better advancement in HK..
that they can go a lot further...

this made me really really sad...
cause they are truly my best best frds and they are leaving one by one...
i don't know what advices i can give..or should i give them any...
cause i think everyone has their own path and destiny..
who is to say that it is not that path??

some want to find a better career...
some thinks the guys here sucks..haha...
some just want to go back to have a change of enviroment...to challenge themselves...
some have broken up from a relationship....

all i can say is that...
if you cannot figure out what u are looking for in life here..
it is just going to be the same when you get back to HK...
if you are lost in life here...
the same pattern is going to repeat itself...
cause u don't even know what u want...
just a change in the settings...will it really help u find the answers there??

don't know what i can say...
but just really want to appreicate everyone of my frds...
cause it really isn't easy to have u guys to celebrate my b-day...
and i don't want to take it for granted..
cause i know next year.. some of u may not be here again...

we had gone through a lot of stuff...
good times...bad times..
many all nighters... for drinking purposes...or for working on events and shows...
disappointments in life...in relationships...in friends..
time when we shared our dreams... our future... our true self...
having u guys to stand by my side...
each of u represented a part of me...
had made a mark in my life..
made me who i am today...
i won't regret any of it...
cause that's who i am...
with all of u in it...

Thank you....

Survey...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Drunken+Angel

A survery for friends to use 5 or 6 words to descibe me...=D
(Please..for ppl who actually knows...Thx)

Feeling of Love = Love??

The feeling of love is like the aroma of a flower...
it is so sweet that ppl around can smell it, sense it, feel it...
amazed by its beauty...

We are always taught that.....
Feeling of Love = Love
We too often taught to....
use our eyes to think...
our feelings to act....

but this feeling of love is only a by-product of the care to the "plant of love"...
it has its own cycle...
the beauty of the flower and its aroma will fade...
but it is a cycle...when spring time comes...
the flower will be reborn and bloom again...

Closer....Closer??

What does relationships means nowadays??
Do ppl really still look for one that lasts??

In Closer, everyone is just a stranger till the moment they meet.
How does two people meet??
Did YOU arrange it to happen??

"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change
- it's the currency of the world." - Dan

Relationships nowadays...
depends too much on feelings...
the feeling of "love"...one moment we can love a person to death, willing to do anything for them...
willing to make promises from the bottom of our hearts...
really sincerely hope that will be able to stay with this person forever...
But once this feeling is gone...
will want everything back from them...
all the love...all the presents and gifts...
if not able to get it back...
then will think that we have been taken advantage of....

Society and mass media has changed the definition of intimacy...
intimacy == sex...
that we often go too fast..
just wanted to be loved...
be intimate with someone...
but missing the build up time...
the foundation underneath...
so the relationship was thought to be intimate enough already,
but it is truly empty inside...

Therefore we feel unsatisfy,
thinking that we don't love this person anymore...
When there is an argument or a fight..
there is often nothing to fall back on...

"Where is this 'love'? I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it.
I can hear it. I can hear some words, but i can't do anything with your easy words." - Alice

We are all scare to put in too much effort into a relationship...
fearing that it will go to waste someday...
we are too economical...
if not making a "profit"...at least break even...
always want something back...not willing to sacrifice...

"愛總是讓人哭 讓人覺得不滿足
天空好大卻看不清楚
好孤獨
-天黑黑


We do not really cherish or value the relationship anymore because it is just merely another physical attraction, there will always be another person who looks as good or about the same waiting to happen...
The bodies have become one...
but the souls are like the distance from East to West...
so close...yet so far away...

Everyone is really looking for intimacy, the one person that we can share everything with....

Our Failures...
Our Imperfections...
Our ugliness...
Our Fears
Our Happy Days...
Our Hopes...
Our Dreams..

We really don't want to wear a mask in front of the person that we love..
but we are really afraid that we will get hurt..
so we build a wall around ourselves...
hoping to reveal our true self slowly..
breaking down the wall slowly until we feel safe and comfortable...

Heart leak with termites and a black hole...

What does it feel like??

It is like a hand that got a grip of my heart...
not willing to let go..
squeezing it real hard every now and then...
reminding me of its presence...
crashing it to pieces...
little by little...
piece by piece...

It is like termites that are clawing up and down my throat..
all the way down to my heart...
chewing away...
tearing my heart piece by piece..
little by little..
bit by bit..

It is like a leak that cannot be stopped...
life just keeps draining out...
little by little..
drop by drop...

It is like a black hole...
sucking everything into it...
first my legs..my hands...
my body..my mind..
till nothing is left anymore...
sucking my world and everything into it...
little by little...
piece by piece...
bit by bit....
drop by drop...
little by little....

Cheer Chen's video!!!

A little collection of Cheer's videos...
she is so so GREAT!!!
Love how she can bare herself and put all her feelings into her songs...
can feel her passion and sincerity for music and life..
expressing it by her lyrics...and the music that she writes...



her songs are like poems..
it paints a picture..a scene that u can just see in ur mind...
her voice is like a knife that cuts into your heart...
stay with you day and nite...
and the way she plays the guitar and sing at the same time...
doing something she is so passionate about...
she is so charismatic on stage that no one can compare to...


旅行的意義 (One of my fav.)



self



太多



太聰明 (One of my fav.)
we are always too clever in relationships...
the pure heart to just love is gone...



小步舞曲



吉他手mv



Footage from Last yr's Taiwan concert



Singing live for "Too clever"



Some sharing on her journey when she is writing her new song "The Fabulous Adventure"



A concert at Tainan University



A concert at Tainan University Part II




A concert at Tainan University Part III



A concert at Tainan University Part IV



80% perfect life



just a guitar...and a great voice...
nothing fancy...
just GREAT!!!!

What religion do you fit in with?

I guess it is pretty true...
depends on feelings first..then use the limited logic/reason i have to understand it...=P
um...organized religion may not be for me...um....

You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 60% spiritual. 40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

其實現在我們關切的許多事，古人都寫過了。
唯一出路就是拿自己的生命去寫，
才能寫出和別人不同的東西，
否則只是寫些表面的、浮泛的，無論什麼都早就有人寫過了。

Where is our True Self?

i guess we get voices from everyone and everywhere...
family, friends, co-worders, lovers, church... TV, radio, mass media...
everyone if giving u their voices and opinions... some for your own good, some really think what they are saying are trying to help you...
some just want to hurt ur confidence...
some just want u to conform to their standards...

the bread growing experiement is kinda like my future...
it may not look that good...or to some ppl..not good at all..even ugly...
but we don't really know how it will look like when it fully "blossoms"
we are too often very short-sighted...
and give up very quickly when others oppose what you are doing...
thinking...if so many ppl thinks it is bad...
then it must be really bad and i should just give up...

ppl ask why go to university for 4 yrs and studied so hard for ur Act Sci degree and give it up?
can just work at banks or insurances stuff...makes big money and lead a good life...

they just want u to conform to their standards..
cause that's what they believe in...
others want u to give up cause they don't want u to succeed...cause they have given up their own dreams and don't want others to achieve it..
so they "sugar-coated" their so call reasons...

well..some do really care for ur own good...and are really worry about your future and how u going to make a living....

"We want to be loved, but we are so afraid of rejection that we would rather be loved for being someone we are not than be rejected for being who we are."

but in the end...what i really want to say is...
it is all about choices..
some are 1st rated, some are 2nd rated in which will help you grow to be a better person..
it all goes back to what you really believe in...
who u truly are...ur final purpose in life...

the choices and decisions that you make...
the life is yours to live...not theirs
they do not have to live with the consequences afterwards...
you do...so u are ultimately responsible for your own life...

"Some people are going to like me and some people aren't, so I might as well be me.
Then, at least, I will know that the people who like me, like me." Hugh Prather

so what if i look bad in a beard...
i don't really care if not one goes near me...
as long as i know why i am doing it..
it is just a choice that i make and live with it..

guess i don't want to live with what others want from me and regret it later in life...in my career that is...
who knows what it will be like in the future...
that's life's beauty... the uncertainty..the risk that u need to make...

That's goes to the 100% true self...
yes sometimes we hurt people be being true to our feelings and true to ourselves....
but everyone will eventually go back to their true self...
You may leave ur principles, morals, values at first...
but not happily...we will no have peace if we have to wear a mask everyday and can't even be true to ourselves...
and the other people will not be happy either if u r not treating them honestly...

of course u need to be constantly trying to improve urself..making what u think is good...
become better-versions of yourself...
not for anyone else..but for yourself...

Beard Growing Experiment

I have been trying to grow a beard these days...
I guess it is something all guys go through..try to experiment on how i will look like with it..
I guess cause not many Asian ppl can/do grow a beard...and so it is kinda unique and distinct...
and cause it is kinda of the body..want to explore it more..
also maybe subconsciously...also going through lots of stuff these days...
and to have my body show my emotions rather than saying it out...

It is pretty funny how ppl around me is reacting...
"What happened?? Why aren't u shaving??"
"Are you depress or something??"
"You look like a thief...Remember not to wear strips clothing..."

Well...if i look depress...
then why u don't ask if something is actually bothering me
and just say something so shallow and leave it at that??
if i have shaven... will i have seem happier??

Some will say,
"Hey that looks cool...
You look more like a director now...=P
u look even more like ur brother now... S hit"

Well...some really do mean it...
But you can so tell some ppl just saying stupid stuff that they don't mean...
can so just tell from their eyes...

Every second person that i meet...
they will be trying to comfort me and change me...

it is just like life...
every decision that we make..
everything that we do..
ppl are going to have different opinion...
it is not like they really care why u do it...
it is not like they really care if u listen to their "advice"
or if their advice is really useful..

"Hey why are you giving up ur degree and do something so stupid??"
"Hey that girl seems pretty nice, maybe u try to go out with her..."
"Why u guys are breaking up?? "
"U guys seem so good together??"
"It must be your fault again...always like to play around...!!!"

So many many voices all around us...
How do we choose which one to listen to and keep our true self??

Spending time alone = Loneliness = ??

Mondays are kinda my reflection day...
cause it is a day when i have a day off and go to school...
from noon till nite..
i like to take the subway if it is not too cold...
so i can read and think...
then after film theory class..can walk to Korean Town for the best Pork Bone Soup!!!
(The ones in "Happy House" are the best)
then will walk to Ryerson..which is like an hour walk..
but it is a good time...
cause we are too often trapped inside our car..
when we actually have time to take a walk..
it lets us interact with the place around us...
have a relationship with our space...
time to quiet down..and talk to ourselves...(well..not out loud)

i told my frd about how i spend my Mondays...
and he would say..
"Wow...how come you are being so lonely??"

I don't get why ppl think that spending time alone == loneiness...
i guess we are all looking for incidents and events and things to pack our lives...
go out to dinner...to a movie... to sing K...
we need to have events like that to prove that we are not lonely??

"You have to learn to enjoy your own company,
before you can learn to be with someone else, you need to learn to be alone.
Until you are comforable being with yourself, you will always be afraid of being alone."

If you get comfortable about yourself..
then you will find that...there are lots of dates not worth really going to...
rather stay home with a good movie or good book is better....

i like to spend time driving alone,
so that i can turn on the music as loud as i want...
and don't need to care if the other person like what i am listening too...

i like to watch movies alone,
cause i really really hate ppl talking while a movie is on...
and keep asking.."What just happened??"
well...if you keep on watching and not ask...you will know..
cause it is my first time watching it too!!!!!

Don't really like to talk on the phone that much...
cause i will always feel like taking up other ppl's time...
i mean... what gives u the right to just intrude into other ppl's private time with just a phone call...
is like... hey..i want to talk to you...so i don't care what u are doing at that moment..
you need to put down whatever u r doing and make the time to talk to me...
i think that's the selfishness that tech. created...=P

On the other hand,
I guess i am sometimes trapped as being "too comfortable" with being myself...
Someone once told me that i am too comfortable in my own world...
And forget to build up relationships and care for the ppl around me..
i agree... but how do u balance your own private time / not being too self-absorb??

"Relationships keep us honest.
Conversing and interacting with a variet of people in our everyday lives
bring out the light the illusions we often created and believe about ourselves.
Alone and isolated,
we have an incredible ability to deceive ourselves
and create images of ourselves that are one-dimensional at best."
"The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Mattew Kelly"

Blue Mountain Trip!!!

I was able to go to Blue Mountain last weekend to get a little rest and relax...
which i was really looking forward to for a while...
but was a bit worry during the ride to the cottage...
cause there wasn't even a hint of snow anywhere...
and the temp was like +5 in Toronto

but the moment when all us arrive at the cottage..
it starts to snow...all through the nite...till the next morning...
and this is what it looked like when we get out of the door...

And the snow is so fresh, that it doesn't even hurt when we fall down..
which is a good thing..cause lots of us are first timer or beginners...
really thx God for giving our cell such a great time...


we snowboarded from morning till late afternoon...
the weather was perfect...
It was really tiring...Most of us can bearly move when we get back to the cottage...
and have aches all over our legs and body for a couple of days after the trip...=P


It was so much fun that the whole group are kinda addicted to it now...
everyone is planning to get the whole set of gear before we go again for the next trip...