Monday, February 27, 2006

Survey...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Drunken+Angel

A survery for friends to use 5 or 6 words to descibe me...=D
(Please..for ppl who actually knows...Thx)

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Feeling of Love = Love??

The feeling of love is like the aroma of a flower...
it is so sweet that ppl around can smell it, sense it, feel it...
amazed by its beauty...

We are always taught that.....
Feeling of Love = Love
We too often taught to....
use our eyes to think...
our feelings to act....

but this feeling of love is only a by-product of the care to the "plant of love"...
it has its own cycle...
the beauty of the flower and its aroma will fade...
but it is a cycle...when spring time comes...
the flower will be reborn and bloom again...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Closer....Closer??



What does relationships means nowadays??
Do ppl really still look for one that lasts??

In Closer, everyone is just a stranger till the moment they meet.
How does two people meet??
Did YOU arrange it to happen??

"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change
- it's the currency of the world." - Dan


Relationships nowadays...
depends too much on feelings...
the feeling of "love"...one moment we can love a person to death, willing to do anything for them...
willing to make promises from the bottom of our hearts...
really sincerely hope that will be able to stay with this person forever...
But once this feeling is gone...
will want everything back from them...
all the love...all the presents and gifts...
if not able to get it back...
then will think that we have been taken advantage of....

Society and mass media has changed the definition of intimacy...
intimacy == sex...
that we often go too fast..
just wanted to be loved...
be intimate with someone...
but missing the build up time...
the foundation underneath...
so the relationship was thought to be intimate enough already,
but it is truly empty inside...

Therefore we feel unsatisfy,
thinking that we don't love this person anymore...
When there is an argument or a fight..
there is often nothing to fall back on...

"Where is this 'love'? I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it.
I can hear it. I can hear some words, but i can't do anything with your easy words." - Alice


We are all scare to put in too much effort into a relationship...
fearing that it will go to waste someday...
we are too economical...
if not making a "profit"...at least break even...
always want something back...not willing to sacrifice...

"愛總是讓人哭 讓人覺得不滿足
天空好大卻看不清楚
好孤獨
-天黑黑


We do not really cherish or value the relationship anymore because it is just merely another physical attraction, there will always be another person who looks as good or about the same waiting to happen...
The bodies have become one...
but the souls are like the distance from East to West...
so close...yet so far away...

Everyone is really looking for intimacy, the one person that we can share everything with....

Our Failures...
Our Imperfections...
Our ugliness...
Our Fears
Our Happy Days...
Our Hopes...
Our Dreams..

We really don't want to wear a mask in front of the person that we love..
but we are really afraid that we will get hurt..
so we build a wall around ourselves...
hoping to reveal our true self slowly..
breaking down the wall slowly until we feel safe and comfortable...

Monday, February 20, 2006

Heart leak with termites and a black hole...

What does it feel like??

It is like a hand that got a grip of my heart...
not willing to let go..
squeezing it real hard every now and then...
reminding me of its presence...
crashing it to pieces...
little by little...
piece by piece...

It is like termites that are clawing up and down my throat..
all the way down to my heart...
chewing away...
tearing my heart piece by piece..
little by little..
bit by bit..

It is like a leak that cannot be stopped...
life just keeps draining out...
little by little..
drop by drop...

It is like a black hole...
sucking everything into it...
first my legs..my hands...
my body..my mind..
till nothing is left anymore...
sucking my world and everything into it...
little by little...
piece by piece...
bit by bit....
drop by drop...
little by little....

Cheer Chen's video!!!



A little collection of Cheer's videos...
she is so so GREAT!!!
Love how she can bare herself and put all her feelings into her songs...
can feel her passion and sincerity for music and life..
expressing it by her lyrics...and the music that she writes...



her songs are like poems..
it paints a picture..a scene that u can just see in ur mind...
her voice is like a knife that cuts into your heart...
stay with you day and nite...
and the way she plays the guitar and sing at the same time...
doing something she is so passionate about...
she is so charismatic on stage that no one can compare to...


旅行的意義 (One of my fav.)



self



太多



太聰明 (One of my fav.)
we are always too clever in relationships...
the pure heart to just love is gone...



小步舞曲



吉他手mv



Footage from Last yr's Taiwan concert



Singing live for "Too clever"



Some sharing on her journey when she is writing her new song "The Fabulous Adventure"



A concert at Tainan University



A concert at Tainan University Part II




A concert at Tainan University Part III



A concert at Tainan University Part IV



80% perfect life



just a guitar...and a great voice...
nothing fancy...
just GREAT!!!!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

What religion do you fit in with?

I guess it is pretty true...
depends on feelings first..then use the limited logic/reason i have to understand it...=P
um...organized religion may not be for me...um....













You fit in with:
Spiritualism



Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms.


60% spiritual.
40% reason-oriented.















Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

其實現在我們關切的許多事,古人都寫過了。
唯一出路就是拿自己的生命去寫,
才能寫出和別人不同的東西,
否則只是寫些表面的、浮泛的,無論什麼都早就有人寫過了。

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Where is our True Self?

i guess we get voices from everyone and everywhere...
family, friends, co-worders, lovers, church... TV, radio, mass media...
everyone if giving u their voices and opinions... some for your own good, some really think what they are saying are trying to help you...
some just want to hurt ur confidence...
some just want u to conform to their standards...

the bread growing experiement is kinda like my future...
it may not look that good...or to some ppl..not good at all..even ugly...
but we don't really know how it will look like when it fully "blossoms"
we are too often very short-sighted...
and give up very quickly when others oppose what you are doing...
thinking...if so many ppl thinks it is bad...
then it must be really bad and i should just give up...

ppl ask why go to university for 4 yrs and studied so hard for ur Act Sci degree and give it up?
can just work at banks or insurances stuff...makes big money and lead a good life...

they just want u to conform to their standards..
cause that's what they believe in...
others want u to give up cause they don't want u to succeed...cause they have given up their own dreams and don't want others to achieve it..
so they "sugar-coated" their so call reasons...

well..some do really care for ur own good...and are really worry about your future and how u going to make a living....

"We want to be loved, but we are so afraid of rejection that we would rather be loved for being someone we are not than be rejected for being who we are."

but in the end...what i really want to say is...
it is all about choices..
some are 1st rated, some are 2nd rated in which will help you grow to be a better person..
it all goes back to what you really believe in...
who u truly are...ur final purpose in life...

the choices and decisions that you make...
the life is yours to live...not theirs
they do not have to live with the consequences afterwards...
you do...so u are ultimately responsible for your own life...

"Some people are going to like me and some people aren't, so I might as well be me.
Then, at least, I will know that the people who like me, like me." Hugh Prather


so what if i look bad in a beard...
i don't really care if not one goes near me...
as long as i know why i am doing it..
it is just a choice that i make and live with it..

guess i don't want to live with what others want from me and regret it later in life...in my career that is...
who knows what it will be like in the future...
that's life's beauty... the uncertainty..the risk that u need to make...

That's goes to the 100% true self...
yes sometimes we hurt people be being true to our feelings and true to ourselves....
but everyone will eventually go back to their true self...
You may leave ur principles, morals, values at first...
but not happily...we will no have peace if we have to wear a mask everyday and can't even be true to ourselves...
and the other people will not be happy either if u r not treating them honestly...

of course u need to be constantly trying to improve urself..making what u think is good...
become better-versions of yourself...
not for anyone else..but for yourself...

Friday, February 03, 2006

Beard Growing Experiment


I have been trying to grow a beard these days...
I guess it is something all guys go through..try to experiment on how i will look like with it..
I guess cause not many Asian ppl can/do grow a beard...and so it is kinda unique and distinct...
and cause it is kinda of the body..want to explore it more..
also maybe subconsciously...also going through lots of stuff these days...
and to have my body show my emotions rather than saying it out...

It is pretty funny how ppl around me is reacting...
"What happened?? Why aren't u shaving??"
"Are you depress or something??"
"You look like a thief...Remember not to wear strips clothing..."

Well...if i look depress...
then why u don't ask if something is actually bothering me
and just say something so shallow and leave it at that??
if i have shaven... will i have seem happier??

Some will say,
"Hey that looks cool...
You look more like a director now...=P
u look even more like ur brother now... S hit"

Well...some really do mean it...
But you can so tell some ppl just saying stupid stuff that they don't mean...
can so just tell from their eyes...

Every second person that i meet...
they will be trying to comfort me and change me...

it is just like life...
every decision that we make..
everything that we do..
ppl are going to have different opinion...
it is not like they really care why u do it...
it is not like they really care if u listen to their "advice"
or if their advice is really useful..

"Hey why are you giving up ur degree and do something so stupid??"
"Hey that girl seems pretty nice, maybe u try to go out with her..."
"Why u guys are breaking up?? "
"U guys seem so good together??"
"It must be your fault again...always like to play around...!!!"

So many many voices all around us...
How do we choose which one to listen to and keep our true self??

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Spending time alone = Loneliness = ??

Mondays are kinda my reflection day...
cause it is a day when i have a day off and go to school...
from noon till nite..
i like to take the subway if it is not too cold...
so i can read and think...
then after film theory class..can walk to Korean Town for the best Pork Bone Soup!!!
(The ones in "Happy House" are the best)
then will walk to Ryerson..which is like an hour walk..
but it is a good time...
cause we are too often trapped inside our car..
when we actually have time to take a walk..
it lets us interact with the place around us...
have a relationship with our space...
time to quiet down..and talk to ourselves...(well..not out loud)

i told my frd about how i spend my Mondays...
and he would say..
"Wow...how come you are being so lonely??"

I don't get why ppl think that spending time alone == loneiness...
i guess we are all looking for incidents and events and things to pack our lives...
go out to dinner...to a movie... to sing K...
we need to have events like that to prove that we are not lonely??

"You have to learn to enjoy your own company,
before you can learn to be with someone else, you need to learn to be alone.
Until you are comforable being with yourself, you will always be afraid of being alone."


If you get comfortable about yourself..
then you will find that...there are lots of dates not worth really going to...
rather stay home with a good movie or good book is better....

i like to spend time driving alone,
so that i can turn on the music as loud as i want...
and don't need to care if the other person like what i am listening too...

i like to watch movies alone,
cause i really really hate ppl talking while a movie is on...
and keep asking.."What just happened??"
well...if you keep on watching and not ask...you will know..
cause it is my first time watching it too!!!!!

Don't really like to talk on the phone that much...
cause i will always feel like taking up other ppl's time...
i mean... what gives u the right to just intrude into other ppl's private time with just a phone call...
is like... hey..i want to talk to you...so i don't care what u are doing at that moment..
you need to put down whatever u r doing and make the time to talk to me...
i think that's the selfishness that tech. created...=P

On the other hand,
I guess i am sometimes trapped as being "too comfortable" with being myself...
Someone once told me that i am too comfortable in my own world...
And forget to build up relationships and care for the ppl around me..
i agree... but how do u balance your own private time / not being too self-absorb??

"Relationships keep us honest.
Conversing and interacting with a variet of people in our everyday lives
bring out the light the illusions we often created and believe about ourselves.
Alone and isolated,
we have an incredible ability to deceive ourselves
and create images of ourselves that are one-dimensional at best."
"The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Mattew Kelly"