I am through with the past,
but the past is not through with me.

~ Magnolia

Urbana Day 1

Didn't really have much expectation before going to Urbana...
I thought that it was to open my eyes and make a bit more clear as what i am to do...
as i always thought i already found my path and general direction to be doing film stuff or youth stuff...
So i thought it was to go to relax...as was pretty busy before with recording and other meetings...
i even brought two books with me to read...
And so i thought...

We carpooled to Buffalo airport and took the train to Chicago first...then transfer to St.Louis...
the train ride was really great and comforty... cause the seats were really huge...
there was even a observation deck to look out into the wheat fields...
gave me great time to relax and prepare for going into Urbana...
except that we can't really find any food to eat, cause it was Christmas Day and Boxing Day,
not that many resturants opened...

It was late at nite in the train and wasn't able to sleep...
so was talking to Yum about how we each came to know Christ...
and then she suddenly asked me if i have made up with God yet...
i was thinking in my heart...hmmm....what a silly question...
of course i did...
why do u even need to ask??

But then after thinking about it for a while,
I found that maybe i haven't...
After i left church for a couple of years...
and came to Across and back to church...
i wanted to filled lots of info and knowledge about Christians...
kinda to make up for the years that i missed...
but it never really went into my heart...
and i guess i know the Holy Spirit speaks to me and guide me...
but didn't really think there is really a spiritual battle...
so that's why lots of the times, i depended only on myself...

And i guess i always feel that i did lots of bad things in the past and hurted lots of ppl...
never really let myself go and forgave myself...
so there was always this distance.... with myself or with the big G...

So it was really great to have this reflection before getting to Urbana and it set the tone and objective for the whole thing...
to truly experierence God into my heart...to really see Him again...