Scattered in《大江大海一九四九》

"累積的，不僅只是體力的長期疲累，也不僅只是精神上的無以言說的孤獨，還有這四百天中每天沉浸其中的歷史長河中的哀傷和荒涼。那麼慟的生離死別，那麼重的不公不義，那麼深的傷害，那麼久的遺忘，那麼沉默的痛苦。然而，只要我還陷在那種種情感中，我就無法抽離，我就沒有餘地把情感昇華為文字。
所以我得忍住自己的情感、淘洗自己的情緒，把空間騰出來，讓文字去醞釀自己的張力。我冷下來，文字才有熱的機會。"

Finally finished reading the 《大江大海一九四九》 by 龍應台... it had been my night time reading ever since I got the book(which may not be a very good idea)... maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping that well these days... because I was so touched by the many many stories that's recorded in the book about the civil war in China back in 1949... a time when the communist army was fighting the Taiwanese army...
Who is more suited than 龍應台 to write about this, as she is a Chinese/Taiwanese influenced by the Japanese, and also married to a German with two boys to look at WWII in so many different aspect and perspectives..

There are just too many emotions running through my head, often bringing them with me to my sleep... haunting me in my dreams... feeling their pain..
There are just too many scattered thoughts that I cannot piece together yet...

Small decisions that changes lives forever...
~ getting off the train to go to the washroom off a train separated a mother and son forever...

~ taking a train up North to contribute to the war effort, giving back to your country or riding South to flee to a more "hopeful" place; can mean riding to your death or never able to see your parents again for the rest of your life...

~ so much hope and meaning riding in the name to the child born in the midst of the war...

~ a copy of 古文观止 provided education for a whole school inside a concentration camp during the war and how this copy was returned to the original owner years later in Taiwan

~ the old man who was lucky enough till this day when his band of brothers all died finally realized his destiny was to live and tell the tale so the next generation can hear about this part of erased history...

~ The many stories and people who gathered in Hong Kong in that period and contributed so much who will never recognized...

~ why do we have to fight a civil war right after the victory over the Japanese army? where tens of thousands die in a matter of days, fighting against your own country man...

~ the pain and scars hidden inside each and everyone who have been in the concentration camps, whose parents were taken away, who lost their sons and daughters in the war, their brothers and sisters, their loved ones never to be seen again...

To me, a Chinese who moved to Canada ever since grade 5, I have totally no idea about that part of Chinese history...haven't really experienced any real hardship or war... it is really hard to imagine what they have gone through during those times...

~ How should I face this period of history as a Chinese 60 years after it has declared "victory"...

~ How can a country truly raise up without looking truly and honestly at its own past, history, journey and weakness... are we to wait even longer so that the "witnesses" all pass away, so that we can rewrite the history books AGAIN?!?

~ Who were the "heroes" and "traitors" depends on whose flag is being raised...

~ What is the meaning of "victory" and "failure" when so many lives have been lost, the ugliness of human nature to the bear bone...

I have lots of respect for 龍應台 and appreciate her digging through so much research, traveling across different parts of Taiwan and China to interview the remaining survivors,
to let the voiceless be heard, be a witness to them before they are lost in the streams of time and history...


Also understand from her what it means to "忍住自己的情感、淘洗自己的情緒，把空間騰出來，讓文字去醞釀自己的張力。我冷下來，文字才有熱的機會。"
This reminds me when I was in Sichuan, how I had to really hold down my feelings and emotions when listening to the stories of the students... so that I can better put their tales of courage and love together...
also better understand the struggle that Long Di must have experienced when have to face with so many tragedies from students daily...
they are all very brave people... those on both sides of the witness stand...

一句我愛你…價值873萬....You are really rich, just don't know it yet...

You are really rich, you just don't know it yet video

When people are asked about their happiest moments,
not one of them talked about money...
Money will not be able to trade our happiest memories...
There are just too many things going on in the worry to worry about money...

---------------------------------------------------


Today is the weekend,
I woke up feeling healthy (slept till like 11am...so lucky),
read a little while doing the "morning business"..
watched a couple of esp. of "Firefly"...
played with the baby a while...
listening to Cheer and Tanya's music while writing this blog...
expecting this to be a great day with a little out of town get away tonight...
this simple day is already worth well up to $230,000,000
according to the book "You are really rich, you just don't know it yet"...




---------------------------------

一句我愛你…價值873萬 自由時報 2009/07/14
〔編譯魏國金／綜合報導〕

生命中許多時刻是無價的，不過一本名為「你真的很富有，只是你還不知道」的新書，試圖將那些無價時刻貨幣化，結果聽到「我愛你」的價值高達16萬3424英鎊（約台幣873萬元），排名僅次於擁有健康。

英國每日電訊報13日報導，該書作者史蒂芬．亨利與大衛．艾伯特斯委託市調研究公司Brainjuicer詢問並分析逾1000名英國人，什麼讓他們感到幸福。受訪者將50件生活經驗與中樂透的快樂作比較，給出評分，然後再利用評分系統，計算那些讓人幸福的生命點滴的金錢價值。

結果出爐，健康是人們最珍視的資產，其價值達18萬多英鎊（台幣約960萬元），排名第2的是有人訴說「我愛你」，緊隨在後的是穩定的感情，其價值達15萬4849英鎊（台幣約827萬元）。

其他排名前10名的生命中最美好經驗是︰在和平安全的國家生活、有兒女、與家人相處、笑、做愛、度假、品味寧靜。

此外，閱讀的價值達287萬台幣，看電影則降至116萬元，工作樂趣約為200萬元，較遜於對週末期待的價值（台幣266萬餘元），休一天假價約為291萬元。

預期清晨起來有美好一天的價值為94萬餘元，但晚上回家讓人較感愉快，其價值達242萬餘元。吃巧克力的快樂高於煮飯，前者為218萬餘元，後者為171萬元。有寵物相伴為420台幣，而擁有小寶寶高達660萬元。

撰寫該書的前廣告公司執行長亨利與艾伯特斯，旨在呈現有一些事的價值更甚金錢。亨利說︰「這本書是關於一個有別於純粹金融體系的新價值系統，部分因為信貸緊縮的結果，人們探索不同的生活方式，尋找一個可取代金錢的價值普遍準則。
　　

The credit crunch is one of those once in a generation moments when everyone stops to think about what things are really worth. Because after years of rampant greed and unsustainable demand, Oscar Wilde’s description of a cynic was starting to apply to all of us – people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

　　But what if there is more to life than needing to spend ￡100 on a new iPod because Apple brought out one that was purple? What if money isn’t the best way to put a value on things?

　　This book suggests that there may be more important things than a new pair of Manolo Blahniks. Things like your family, or your favourite music, or a walk in the park on a sunny day. Or sex. Or telling someone you love them. This book is about helping us to realise that whatever our financial situation, our lives are incredibly wealthy already.

　　You are really rich. You just don’t know it yet.
----------------------------------------------------


Things we really need in life is pretty simple...
why have to make things so complicated...



Sheryl Crow - If It makes you happy

Can't we just watch movies and read books all day without doing anything else??
Just miss those days..............

Comfort Food

We all need something that can clam us down,
give us strength in the midst of stress and chaos..

A cup of hot black coffee in the morning to liquify our soul
back into our body after a long night...

A piece of 90% dark chocolate to smooth out our throat
and coat our mind in bitter sweetness in the middle of a fierce battle
against the craziness and contradictions of the world...

A glass of Cabernet Sauvignon or Pinot Noir at the end of the night...
letting the bitter tannin tangle with our taste buds and nerves...
reminding ourselves that life is bitter...
but it is also this strangely amusing bitterness that made the wine great
and going back for more...

Hot Docs: The Cove

One of the best and most powerful doc I have ever seen. It is about how Ric O'Barry, one of the best at dolphin training in the 60s, made a TV show called Flipper, which he used 10 yrs to created a whole industry of dolphin shows at marines. But when his beloved frd flipper committed "suicide" because of the stress living at the marine, Ric finally woke up and realized what he had done. He had put over 23000 dolpines each year to being slaughtered. Each year, in Taija Japan, fishermen will trap dolphins that pass by the area and let the marine trainers come and pick the best ones and be sent all over the world while all the rest will be killed on the spot. But because dolphin meat is not the most attractive thing there is, they were disgusted as other more expensive meat to be send all over the country. Because of the industrial dumping and pollution, and because dolphins are at the upper level of the food chain, they have become living toxic dumpsites when they eat smaller polluted fish, and anyone who eat the dolphin meats (which they don't know about), will get high level of mercury poisoning. And it was also given out as charity to school children as free lunch all over Japan. Which has the most hurtful effects.

Ric then used the next 35 years of his life trying to right a wrong, and gathered a passionate team of ppl who really do care about the ocean and the dolphins to uncover this hidden secert. It really is a Ocean's 11 real life thriller, where they had to go undercover, tailed by cops day and night, watching their every move, being provoked by locals so they can do something stupid to kick them in jail... is one crazy ride...

I think what really touched me in this film is that the team really put everything on the line, that if they were caught, they will be in jail, or even killed and lose everything. Their passion for doing something that seem so "silly" to save a bunch of sea animals makes me believe how one small group of ppl can make a difference in the world. And makes me believe once again the moving power of cinema, where you will not get the some shock by just hearing the news. But when you see the visuals and the cries of the dying dolphins, it has such impact that shatters your heart to pieces...
A MUST WATCH FILM!!! Can't wait for it to come out in Aug throughout the city.




Go to The Cove: What Can I DO to see how you can help and take part!!!

And be careful not to eat too much tuna or salmon.. they are full of mercury as well...
see the list some of the "safer" fish below

Eat only sustainable clean seafood.
Good fish

Arctic Char
Barramundi
Catfish
Clams
Cod (Pacific)
Crab (Dungeness, Stone)
Halibut
Herring
Lobster (Spiny)
Mahi mahi (US)
Mussels
Oysters
Pollock
Salmon (Alaska wild)
Sardines
Scallops
Squid
Sturgeon (farmed)
Tilapia
trout

Bad fish
Chilean Seabass
Cod (Atlantic)
Crab (King)
Flounder
Groupers
Halibut
Lobster (Caribbean)
Mahi mahi (Imported)
Marlin
Monkfish
Orange Roughy
Rockfish
Salmon (farmed, including Atlantic)
Shark
Shrimp (imported farmed or wild)
Snapper (red)
Sturgeon (imported, wild)
Swordfish
Tuna
Walleye pike
Yellowtail

Time Traveler's Wife

Would you have loved me when it was just a couple of years back,
When i was still very selfish and reckless?

Even if you can see the person i am today,
Would you have committed to stay?

To walk with me on this journey,
Through the tragic and gray?

To love me without regards,
To show the true love that you always say?

--------------------------------------------------

The above "poem" was written after finish reading "Time Traveler's Wife" a while ago...
Wondering who would really have loved me when I was still very crazy and lost back then..
and who will really still believe in the future me seeing who I am this day.
And it touched me that God is still there every single way...

Can't wait for it to come out in the movie with Rachel McAdams in it... loved her since The Notebook...


The Time Traveler's Wife is the story of librarian Henry DeTamble, who has a genetic disorder that causes uncontrolled time-travel.

Hot Docs: Inside Hana's Suitcase

It was the opening night for this year's hot docs film fest. The world premiere of Inside Hana's Suitcase and it blew me away and I do have high expectations for this year's films...
The film started a bit slow, but gets better in mid-way. I guess it can use a bit less dramatization and special effect to keep it more authentic. But it was still very good.

The story is about how one Japanese woman, Fumiko, where she wish to open up a Holocaust center so that the children in Japan can learn about its history and maybe possibly to stop the increase in child violence. Then a old suitcase was send from the Auschwitz museum, and the quest to discover the story of its owner Hana begins. It is amazing how the suitcase is not just a plain old suitcase when a name and story is attached to it. To find out more about the owner, Fumiko went to Auschwitz itself to talk with the other survivors, some were Hana's childhood friends, ones who lived in the same cabin as her, and find out the horrors the children and all the Jews had to go through. In which she was able to connect with Hana's brother, George, who lives in Toronto. It was a very touching moment when George was able to see his beloved sister's only belonging left, and telling the stories of their family.

This film really gave me confirmation of how important it is for people who have gone through great tragedy to be able to tell their stories. As George said, it is important that people other than himself, will be able to know about Hana, to let her stories live on. It is a healing for him in a way. Even though it is still painful and tears still swell up his eyes, he feels it is still very important for other children to learn from Hana so this history will not repeat itself.

Fumiko's passion and efforts to dig deep into finding more about Hana is really touched me as well, or else all these beautiful memories about the lovely children before being send to the concentration camp can't be bring out. And they are still going around the world everyday to make it be known.

After the screening, there were Q & A section... and we were actually about to meet al the characters in the film, George and Fumiko themselves. It is actually a first time I seen an actual Holocaust survivor in person. It is truly an honor to be in the same room with someone who had been through so much and still holding on, living his life to the fullest. He really touched me as he keep using his life as a witness, telling again and again the painful past, hoping that history won't repeat itself. So what is our responsibility after this? How are we to engage to our time, to the present, right now? I truly believe, as a person of media ( if I may call myself that for now), we do have burden, a accountability to let these witness be presented, these stories be told, these memories live on.

This film also reminds me of a film I saw in TIFF a while ago, And Along come tourist. Also a very touching film, high recommend!! It was also about the Holocaust, where one of the survivors who lives on site at one of the Auschwitz museum to give lectures about it, keeps repairing the suitcases as he still cherish each and every piece like his children. It was asking the question about whether the tourist who comes to the museum really cares about the past, or just come for the wows and amusements. Even the local politicians were just using the past sometimes as a tool to gain ground and favors. And how are we treating the "human history witness", do we know we have lots of treasure inside of them? And do we have any respect for other people's tragedy? Reminds me of what Beichuan might become as a tourist site.

Inside Hana's Suitcase will be showing again Sun May 3rd @ 1:30pm, don't miss it!!!

Extended reading
Q & A: Inside Hana's Suitcase
Hot Docs from Apr 30 to May 10

The Ethanol Sermon

The Ethanol Sermon
by Jane Yoder-Short

Hear this word, you car owners of America
Who are constantly on the highways
Who consume fuel that's not yours
Who take corn from the needy for your tanks

You drive on land where bread should grow
You endlessly plant asphalt to increase your speed
You grow concrete so you can conveniently park
You turn justice to ethanol
And your righteousness becomes stale with pollution

Your rear-view mirror is blind
It fails to see the hungry children
To see the wars over oil
To see the land dying to feed your habit

But the time is coming when God will repair the fields
When hope will drip from the mountains
When vineyards shall sprout where asphalt once lay
And justice will fill the air

The horn has sounded
Turn now
Seek justice
look with new eyes in your rear-view mirror

(From geez magazine, "30 Sermons You'd Never Hear in Church")
----------------------------------------------

It is time to rethink about the way we use gas...
What our cars costing the world...

魚

As the water rushes through my body springing from the shower,
Images of my youth days comes back to life.

We would hang out till the sun comes out,
Laugh our heads off at the silliest jokes,
Run through the night like there were no tomorrow,
Dance in the middle of the street like there was no one around,
Soaring through the night sky in our roaring motorcycles.

We were as care-free as a feather,
Worry-free as the wind.
We laughed at the ways of the world,
We despised all rules,
We rebelled against all authorities.
Shouting at the top of our lungs the anger and frustration toward the system.
What we worried about was that grown-ups didn't notice us
So that they can envy our youthfulness.

Till One Day,
We finally noticed the chains and handcuffs slowly creeping around our arms and legs,
Tightening its grip,
Clipping off our soaring wings,
Fading out our smiles,
By this thing called Life.

We were left like fishes dumped in the water,
With no legs to run or wings to fly.
That we are like the salmons,
And it is time for us to swim upstream edge of the river,
Losing our loved ones in battle against the dashing current.
What do we expect to find when we reach the top?
That we have fulfilled our destiny?
Or only to die from exhaustion just like everyone else?

Is there someone out there,
That can shield me under their wings,
Give me a heartfelt embrace,
Till I gather enough courage,
To step out and face this world.



Part of the 陳綺貞"太陽"專輯徵文活動 Final 50
Please vote for me, Drunken Angel <<魚>> #16
Thanks a lot.

Things that you may or may not know about Joseph…

1. Loves to eat spicy hot stuff… People always asks if I was a Indian or Korean in my other life…

2. Like to use my nose to smell things before eating it… cause by smell, there is a whole new dimension to “taste” it…

3. Only have a "3 min. attention span" for things, that's why I started to learn a lot of things but then give it up half way... piano, wing chun, drawing, guitar, books read half way though...

4. Have some strict rules for film...Really really hate ppl to talk or make noise or keep walking around during a movie, cause each film has its own dignity and they should be respected… Also, please don't comment on a film/book/music if you never really seen it or listen to it but have to criticize it...that's the worst thing to do, so insulting and arrogant...

5. Loves to read books of all types... I think it is one of the best things my dad passed to me is the reading habits... even though he rarely reads any books, but he brought me to the library every week when I was a kid... makes me know how to think and see the world...

6. Needs a cup of coffee everyday, got the habit when still in university, having to study at Tim Hurton's all the time... now coffee don't really do a thing for me, cause drink a cup and still go to sleep right away...

7. Love to take a hot hot shower first thing in the morning...it is a must... so that the memories from the day before, I can literally "sleep on it"... and get a fresh start the next morning no matter what, is like injecting energy into my soul with every drop of water...

8. Used to drink a lot…=P but now believe that drinking should only be done with good pairing up… beer and wings/chips, sake and sushi, red wine and cheese/chocolate/thousand year old eggs, drinking in general with good friends

9. A picture is worth a thousand words, that's definitely true for me. The best way for me to learn/remember is by seeing, cause I am a visual person, will learn someone’s name a lot faster by seeing a name tag then just hear them… It is both a strength and weakness for me…

10. I love to collect things... when I was young it was like stamps, then stickers, then move to Woodstock, little alcohol samples, CDs, DVDs, books... is like every time I have a collection, I have a deeper understanding into that subject and will look for people with a similar interest to share...

11. I like many different types of music, rock, pop, jazz, folk, I will give the CD or singer a chance for my ears first, if it doesn’t suit my taste, then will move on without regret, but will at least have a chance to be heard… as I believe everything/everyone should be at least given a chance…

12. Because Akira Kurosawa changed my life after I watched Rashmon and Ikiru, he is my goal and my aim...even though it is impossible...haha... my love for Japanese films still grows till this day...

13. Really admire people with creative talents… especially those singer/songwriters… Well.. of course the good ones… but they are not really being appreciated enough... so that's why I have to buy "legal" music and film even though don't have much money...to support them both money wise and spiritually =P

14. One of the proudest/happiest/important moments in my life was the time when I went to Taiwan alone to see Cheer… It showed me that I can actually achieve something that seems crazy/impossible to others if you really want it…


15. Used to bring my camera with me everywhere I go, to capture all there is in life… but then find that some things can only be capture with the mind and the eyes, not the camera… and the worst thing is, you already missed the chance to fully live out that moment cause was too busy fiddling with the camera…(I had to learn it the hard way...)

16. Believe that the “unseen” is all around us.. just a matter of having the heart and the sensitivity to feel it or listen to it… cause it does give us many great insights and reflections…

17. There is a ritual that I have... when I am really unhappy, I will have a glass of wine, turn the music on really loud in my room... and then... a big clean up of my room... (which only have a path from the door to my bed right now XP) after that, I will feel a lot better, with a sense of fresh feeling of how clean the room is, and feeling blessed with all the things I have...

18. Very tolerate and patience with people until they crossed a line, and once they have crossed this line of mine, it is very hard to go back…

19. Don't have much patience for attention seekers... will ignore them on purpose when met with one...

20. Don’t really like to talk much…(I guess everyone knows that…) Just think that it is not an “issue” or “problem” to keep silent when not much want to say. Really hate ppl to have to “make noise” or say things just for heck of it… Don’t you know that silence is “speaking” as well? And I guess not too many ppl understand about what comfortable silence is…

Slumdog Millionaire!!!

This is just such a great film.
At the end of the movie, I can only say...WOW...
It is supposed to be just another typical star-crossed lover movie, but Danny Boyle gave it a bit time remixed, with a great story linked together by the game show "Who wants to be a millionaire?", embedded with such a rich culture from India and showing the brief glimpse of how Bombay had changed from a slum where the main characters came from, to the modern day city of Mumbai. The actings are great, especially the kids in the beginning of the film really set the tone and helped us build an intense emotional attachment to the characters.
The editing and cinematography is superb just like you would expect from Boyle, like the fast editing we have seen in Trainspotting. And the music score by A.R. Rahman was stunning and goes with the movie so well.

I really do appreciate how much work and understand Boyle had in the Indian culture and the tides of change it had experienced. If our Chinese Canadian history or culture can be told like it did in the film, then it will really really be something...

This is one of the best film that made me sit on the edge of my seat for quiet a while!!