Feeling of Love = Love??

The feeling of love is like the aroma of a flower...
it is so sweet that ppl around can smell it, sense it, feel it...
amazed by its beauty...

We are always taught that.....
Feeling of Love = Love
We too often taught to....
use our eyes to think...
our feelings to act....

but this feeling of love is only a by-product of the care to the "plant of love"...
it has its own cycle...
the beauty of the flower and its aroma will fade...
but it is a cycle...when spring time comes...
the flower will be reborn and bloom again...

Closer....Closer??

What does relationships means nowadays??
Do ppl really still look for one that lasts??

In Closer, everyone is just a stranger till the moment they meet.
How does two people meet??
Did YOU arrange it to happen??

"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change
- it's the currency of the world." - Dan

Relationships nowadays...
depends too much on feelings...
the feeling of "love"...one moment we can love a person to death, willing to do anything for them...
willing to make promises from the bottom of our hearts...
really sincerely hope that will be able to stay with this person forever...
But once this feeling is gone...
will want everything back from them...
all the love...all the presents and gifts...
if not able to get it back...
then will think that we have been taken advantage of....

Society and mass media has changed the definition of intimacy...
intimacy == sex...
that we often go too fast..
just wanted to be loved...
be intimate with someone...
but missing the build up time...
the foundation underneath...
so the relationship was thought to be intimate enough already,
but it is truly empty inside...

Therefore we feel unsatisfy,
thinking that we don't love this person anymore...
When there is an argument or a fight..
there is often nothing to fall back on...

"Where is this 'love'? I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it.
I can hear it. I can hear some words, but i can't do anything with your easy words." - Alice

We are all scare to put in too much effort into a relationship...
fearing that it will go to waste someday...
we are too economical...
if not making a "profit"...at least break even...
always want something back...not willing to sacrifice...

"愛總是讓人哭 讓人覺得不滿足
天空好大卻看不清楚
好孤獨
-天黑黑


We do not really cherish or value the relationship anymore because it is just merely another physical attraction, there will always be another person who looks as good or about the same waiting to happen...
The bodies have become one...
but the souls are like the distance from East to West...
so close...yet so far away...

Everyone is really looking for intimacy, the one person that we can share everything with....

Our Failures...
Our Imperfections...
Our ugliness...
Our Fears
Our Happy Days...
Our Hopes...
Our Dreams..

We really don't want to wear a mask in front of the person that we love..
but we are really afraid that we will get hurt..
so we build a wall around ourselves...
hoping to reveal our true self slowly..
breaking down the wall slowly until we feel safe and comfortable...

Heart leak with termites and a black hole...

What does it feel like??

It is like a hand that got a grip of my heart...
not willing to let go..
squeezing it real hard every now and then...
reminding me of its presence...
crashing it to pieces...
little by little...
piece by piece...

It is like termites that are clawing up and down my throat..
all the way down to my heart...
chewing away...
tearing my heart piece by piece..
little by little..
bit by bit..

It is like a leak that cannot be stopped...
life just keeps draining out...
little by little..
drop by drop...

It is like a black hole...
sucking everything into it...
first my legs..my hands...
my body..my mind..
till nothing is left anymore...
sucking my world and everything into it...
little by little...
piece by piece...
bit by bit....
drop by drop...
little by little....

Cheer Chen's video!!!

A little collection of Cheer's videos...
she is so so GREAT!!!
Love how she can bare herself and put all her feelings into her songs...
can feel her passion and sincerity for music and life..
expressing it by her lyrics...and the music that she writes...



her songs are like poems..
it paints a picture..a scene that u can just see in ur mind...
her voice is like a knife that cuts into your heart...
stay with you day and nite...
and the way she plays the guitar and sing at the same time...
doing something she is so passionate about...
she is so charismatic on stage that no one can compare to...


旅行的意義 (One of my fav.)



self



太多



太聰明 (One of my fav.)
we are always too clever in relationships...
the pure heart to just love is gone...



小步舞曲



吉他手mv



Footage from Last yr's Taiwan concert



Singing live for "Too clever"



Some sharing on her journey when she is writing her new song "The Fabulous Adventure"



A concert at Tainan University



A concert at Tainan University Part II




A concert at Tainan University Part III



A concert at Tainan University Part IV



80% perfect life



just a guitar...and a great voice...
nothing fancy...
just GREAT!!!!

What religion do you fit in with?

I guess it is pretty true...
depends on feelings first..then use the limited logic/reason i have to understand it...=P
um...organized religion may not be for me...um....

You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 60% spiritual. 40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

其實現在我們關切的許多事，古人都寫過了。
唯一出路就是拿自己的生命去寫，
才能寫出和別人不同的東西，
否則只是寫些表面的、浮泛的，無論什麼都早就有人寫過了。

Where is our True Self?

i guess we get voices from everyone and everywhere...
family, friends, co-worders, lovers, church... TV, radio, mass media...
everyone if giving u their voices and opinions... some for your own good, some really think what they are saying are trying to help you...
some just want to hurt ur confidence...
some just want u to conform to their standards...

the bread growing experiement is kinda like my future...
it may not look that good...or to some ppl..not good at all..even ugly...
but we don't really know how it will look like when it fully "blossoms"
we are too often very short-sighted...
and give up very quickly when others oppose what you are doing...
thinking...if so many ppl thinks it is bad...
then it must be really bad and i should just give up...

ppl ask why go to university for 4 yrs and studied so hard for ur Act Sci degree and give it up?
can just work at banks or insurances stuff...makes big money and lead a good life...

they just want u to conform to their standards..
cause that's what they believe in...
others want u to give up cause they don't want u to succeed...cause they have given up their own dreams and don't want others to achieve it..
so they "sugar-coated" their so call reasons...

well..some do really care for ur own good...and are really worry about your future and how u going to make a living....

"We want to be loved, but we are so afraid of rejection that we would rather be loved for being someone we are not than be rejected for being who we are."

but in the end...what i really want to say is...
it is all about choices..
some are 1st rated, some are 2nd rated in which will help you grow to be a better person..
it all goes back to what you really believe in...
who u truly are...ur final purpose in life...

the choices and decisions that you make...
the life is yours to live...not theirs
they do not have to live with the consequences afterwards...
you do...so u are ultimately responsible for your own life...

"Some people are going to like me and some people aren't, so I might as well be me.
Then, at least, I will know that the people who like me, like me." Hugh Prather

so what if i look bad in a beard...
i don't really care if not one goes near me...
as long as i know why i am doing it..
it is just a choice that i make and live with it..

guess i don't want to live with what others want from me and regret it later in life...in my career that is...
who knows what it will be like in the future...
that's life's beauty... the uncertainty..the risk that u need to make...

That's goes to the 100% true self...
yes sometimes we hurt people be being true to our feelings and true to ourselves....
but everyone will eventually go back to their true self...
You may leave ur principles, morals, values at first...
but not happily...we will no have peace if we have to wear a mask everyday and can't even be true to ourselves...
and the other people will not be happy either if u r not treating them honestly...

of course u need to be constantly trying to improve urself..making what u think is good...
become better-versions of yourself...
not for anyone else..but for yourself...

Beard Growing Experiment

I have been trying to grow a beard these days...
I guess it is something all guys go through..try to experiment on how i will look like with it..
I guess cause not many Asian ppl can/do grow a beard...and so it is kinda unique and distinct...
and cause it is kinda of the body..want to explore it more..
also maybe subconsciously...also going through lots of stuff these days...
and to have my body show my emotions rather than saying it out...

It is pretty funny how ppl around me is reacting...
"What happened?? Why aren't u shaving??"
"Are you depress or something??"
"You look like a thief...Remember not to wear strips clothing..."

Well...if i look depress...
then why u don't ask if something is actually bothering me
and just say something so shallow and leave it at that??
if i have shaven... will i have seem happier??

Some will say,
"Hey that looks cool...
You look more like a director now...=P
u look even more like ur brother now... S hit"

Well...some really do mean it...
But you can so tell some ppl just saying stupid stuff that they don't mean...
can so just tell from their eyes...

Every second person that i meet...
they will be trying to comfort me and change me...

it is just like life...
every decision that we make..
everything that we do..
ppl are going to have different opinion...
it is not like they really care why u do it...
it is not like they really care if u listen to their "advice"
or if their advice is really useful..

"Hey why are you giving up ur degree and do something so stupid??"
"Hey that girl seems pretty nice, maybe u try to go out with her..."
"Why u guys are breaking up?? "
"U guys seem so good together??"
"It must be your fault again...always like to play around...!!!"

So many many voices all around us...
How do we choose which one to listen to and keep our true self??

Spending time alone = Loneliness = ??

Mondays are kinda my reflection day...
cause it is a day when i have a day off and go to school...
from noon till nite..
i like to take the subway if it is not too cold...
so i can read and think...
then after film theory class..can walk to Korean Town for the best Pork Bone Soup!!!
(The ones in "Happy House" are the best)
then will walk to Ryerson..which is like an hour walk..
but it is a good time...
cause we are too often trapped inside our car..
when we actually have time to take a walk..
it lets us interact with the place around us...
have a relationship with our space...
time to quiet down..and talk to ourselves...(well..not out loud)

i told my frd about how i spend my Mondays...
and he would say..
"Wow...how come you are being so lonely??"

I don't get why ppl think that spending time alone == loneiness...
i guess we are all looking for incidents and events and things to pack our lives...
go out to dinner...to a movie... to sing K...
we need to have events like that to prove that we are not lonely??

"You have to learn to enjoy your own company,
before you can learn to be with someone else, you need to learn to be alone.
Until you are comforable being with yourself, you will always be afraid of being alone."

If you get comfortable about yourself..
then you will find that...there are lots of dates not worth really going to...
rather stay home with a good movie or good book is better....

i like to spend time driving alone,
so that i can turn on the music as loud as i want...
and don't need to care if the other person like what i am listening too...

i like to watch movies alone,
cause i really really hate ppl talking while a movie is on...
and keep asking.."What just happened??"
well...if you keep on watching and not ask...you will know..
cause it is my first time watching it too!!!!!

Don't really like to talk on the phone that much...
cause i will always feel like taking up other ppl's time...
i mean... what gives u the right to just intrude into other ppl's private time with just a phone call...
is like... hey..i want to talk to you...so i don't care what u are doing at that moment..
you need to put down whatever u r doing and make the time to talk to me...
i think that's the selfishness that tech. created...=P

On the other hand,
I guess i am sometimes trapped as being "too comfortable" with being myself...
Someone once told me that i am too comfortable in my own world...
And forget to build up relationships and care for the ppl around me..
i agree... but how do u balance your own private time / not being too self-absorb??

"Relationships keep us honest.
Conversing and interacting with a variet of people in our everyday lives
bring out the light the illusions we often created and believe about ourselves.
Alone and isolated,
we have an incredible ability to deceive ourselves
and create images of ourselves that are one-dimensional at best."
"The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Mattew Kelly"

Blue Mountain Trip!!!

I was able to go to Blue Mountain last weekend to get a little rest and relax...
which i was really looking forward to for a while...
but was a bit worry during the ride to the cottage...
cause there wasn't even a hint of snow anywhere...
and the temp was like +5 in Toronto

but the moment when all us arrive at the cottage..
it starts to snow...all through the nite...till the next morning...
and this is what it looked like when we get out of the door...

And the snow is so fresh, that it doesn't even hurt when we fall down..
which is a good thing..cause lots of us are first timer or beginners...
really thx God for giving our cell such a great time...


we snowboarded from morning till late afternoon...
the weather was perfect...
It was really tiring...Most of us can bearly move when we get back to the cottage...
and have aches all over our legs and body for a couple of days after the trip...=P


It was so much fun that the whole group are kinda addicted to it now...
everyone is planning to get the whole set of gear before we go again for the next trip...

Mexican rum with worm

"Nice little worm in the bottle"

"Split in two"

"Cheer!!!"

"The Tasting Begins!!!"

"YAKYAKYAK!!!"

Decoding Voices Video

All the projects are finally done...for now...
When i look back to it...
Since the event of City mosaic last year, then it is Get It Right summer camp, then 927 fundraising, then 1120 fundraising...
wow...that's alot..and almost non-stop...
and finally get a chance to breath and rest...=P

Thinking back to the production of the 114 Video...
it was just after the 1120 fundraising event...when everyone was really exhausted and tired..
but cause there isn't much time left...only about one and a half month...
really tight timing...
and to have to come up with the script and do the shooting (during Christmas time), and do all the editing... sounded really crazy already...



I was really scared and had lots of pressure too...
having really done a long script before...
all i did before for fiction pieces was without lines..
shooting, writing, directing, editing, everything... all done...by myself...
so it is really crazy to think that having to lead a whole team to do this production...

and also at the same time...
it is like a chance to test myself..
if i really have a talent in this area..
i am really scare one day to find out that...hey... all these studying and watching film... is only good for watching film..
when it comes to actually shooting and directing a production..
i am no good...i don't have the talent...(i am not saying i am really good right now)
so it is kinda a time when i have to face my worst fears...
But thx for everyone's support...
giving me strength to go on...

When thinking about the script... the first idea was to do a modern version of the prodigal son... to give the msg of how youth today learned a set of values in church which they can't really apply to real life...
Then came up with the idea of setting the story in the future...
where we try to address the struggles that we have in our daily Christian lives...
with the two sets of rules...one being the church/parents..the other the world/mass media..
which later becomes the Gene Alpha and Rebel X system in the story...

Gene Alpha- i was thinking about Genesis... the beginning when everything God created was good... so hence... Alpha, the beginning of the letters...
So it kinda represent the church... as well as the parental voice as well...
ppl just knows a set of rules given by Gene Alpha..don't really know the real reason why they have to follow it...

Rebel X - we are at a time when God will be coming back soon... the end of times..
so i thought about Revel XX in the beginning... which sounded really out...
so changed it to being a REBEL...represents the mass media...
It posses the voice of each youth's fav. idol... which tells them what they should wear.. how they should live...
Isn't it true today as well??

If you notice in Samson's room...
there is always the poster of "Clockwork Orange"...
if you know the msg of the movie.. it really enhance the meaning of the scene..
where Clockwork Orange is about youths rebelling against the adulthood and they are programmed to have no evil thoughts and behaves as a perfect example of the society..
isn't the church kinda like that in a way nowadays??
saying u can't do this/ can't do that...
i mean... yes there are some things that Christians really shouldn't do..
but if u cannot give a good reason or the logic behind the principle...
it is really hard to enforce it...


As well... in Jessica's room...
there is the Natalie Portman's photo from Leon, the Professional...
which is again..a young girl growing up in a dysfuncional family... living in a violent society... trying to adapt to her surroundings...very ambitious..well wanting to become a professional killer one day.. that's pretty ambitious for me..
And Natalie Portman is always staring straight at Jessica in the last scene with the medium shots and close ups... comparing the 2 characters...

There were lots of arguments about the last scene and how ppl may not be able to get the msg of the film...
If we look at the purpose of the video for the whole event..
which is to just inspire audience to think about the issues of society and masses and themselves... and lead them towards Alfred's msg... then i have achieved my purpose..
but yes.. if it is to be watched alone..
then it will be stand on its own.. as it only brought up the issues without the characters really going deeper into it...

The film doesn't want to TELL its audience what to do..which is right/wrong...
which is just what the film is Criticizing about...listening to other ppl without thinking...
I think a good film... it is an interactive medium..
where it gives each audience its own meaning... draws them towards their own experiences and let them find their own meaning of the film...
i just provide a platform for them...

Someone says that i am too influenced by the French New Wave or European cinema.. to have too much style at the end... with the long shots and an open ending...
not caring about who my audience are...
Yes i agree that i am greatly influenced by those movements and styles...

However...
for me... i wouldn't really listen to ppl telling me what to do... so i don't think the youth or ppl today like that as well...
and we give them too little space to think about things today... not having enough faith in them...
so we tell the msg straight out everytime... this film's msg is about this this this...
why can't we give them more confidence in finding their own meaning and experience what a film should really be like??


There are still lots of area that can be improve in the video...
the lighting is Definitely one of them..
the coaching of the actors for me... an area really lacking..
the script can go deeper...
but overall...
i think the whole production team has given everything that we have in such a short amount of time and i am really proud of it!!!
-----------------------------------------------------
After the show...
Someone came up to me saying,
they didn't expect this kind of good quality in the Christian circle...
i know that he meant it as a good thing...a compliment...
but it makes me think...

Why can't Christians be serious about a production and give out this level of quality??
Isn't it a GIVEN that we have to work our ass off for God??
So if it is a church thing... then we can be more laid back and relax??

Thank you everyone!!!

I will like to thx everyone who helped out in the 114 Video Production!!!
It really wouldn't be possible without anyone of you...

Alex: Thx for helping with the props and setting up of the sets

Athena, Tammy and Wendy: Hope u guys had fun at the shooting... hope the late nite didn't ruin ur sleep over plan too much...

Candy: Thx for helping with the design of the props and sets

Carmen: You have worked hard with the production...staying so late with us almost everynite during the shooting... designing the custumes and the cafe scene and everything...giving it the cyber look!!! Hope u like the outcome of the video and didn't waste your efforts...

Carrie: Thx for helping us finding the other "girls" in the scene..they are really great... adds lots of humor in the production... being very trusting to us when we ask you to do some weird moves, like the changing sequence..haha...and you can really act with your eyes... keep it up

Felix: Haha..what can i say... Thx for being patience with the "little director"... thx for working so hard everynite with the shooting and editing for so many nites... and respecting each other's style la... we have to go do a movie watch marthorn !!!!

Jacky: Thx for ur "professionalism"... even after the whole day of shooting...u were still able to get up the next morning and do shooting again without complaint...
and willing to stick around to help out as "hold board boy" and sound man even when u don't have to shoot that day... thank you so much "Good Brother"

Jacqueline: Thx for your help with the make-up...the girls look really good... u should open up make-up worshops...lots of teens already asked about it... and thx for helping with the coach of the actors and actresses... i am really lacking in that area... thx for ur support

James and Monica: Thx James for helping with the acting... i know it must be tough for u..but really thank you for giving ur your "first time" and your great effort...and Monica for helping with the VO of Gene... and also one of the songs too..haha...

Jennifer: Thx for helping with contacting the whole crew for shooting, and doing the shooting logs... i am really bad with the admin stuff and calling ppl...

Jonathan: Thx for being everything... from assistant director to soundman to "hold board guy" to the extra in the cafe to doing the 114 Ads to doing all the powerpoints... Thx for staying out so late with us and working so hard, sticking to the end...

Ken: Thx for helping with ur stomach... haha... u have a great acting... able to have so much "fire" whenever the scene starts... very pro...

Ken Tai: Haha... i remember i asked you to just help with script..but then u had to do so much more...designing the sets and props and help with the shooting..lending us ur car..thx for your ideas for the script..added lots more details to the future.. and really hope u enjoy the process..even though it is reallly tiring.. we will return your display shelf soon...=P

Nicole: What can i say la... thx for lending us your house for the shooting... disturbing u for so late every nite.. n having u to prepare meals...dinner and breakfast for us... helping with the traslation of the script... editing... and thx for giving me a chance to work on this project...

Peter: Gene Alpha wouldn't have been born without your design for the light..

ALso thank you for everyone who have send me emails or dropped me a line on msn... thx for the support that u guys gave... really needed it for the late nites and middle of all the confusions... gave me the strength to go on...

Thank you for the help of the whole crew.... couldn't have done it without anyone of you...
hope you guys had a good experience in the process... i will try to give u guys a copy of the DVD as a memory la...

at17: 才女

歌手：At 17 | 作曲：林二汶@At 17
填詞：于逸堯@人山人海 | 編曲：梁基爵@人山人海


世界不知不覺無情地轉
勞碌找一個救生圈
靠美德博學還離岸很遠
用美色多勝算

可惜我只配談文字戀
強項得書信對白婉轉
講曲線體態自然落選
憑面相難完心願

蕭伯納　王爾德　但丁
莎士比亞　馬奎斯　小仲馬
請指點我去用情書將心扣住
辛棄疾　矛盾　魯迅　蘇軾
求可體恤我筆尖的計算
長話盼　盡說短　人海中等惜字緣

交心的戀愛漸成歷史
唯獨我堅信愛像種子
悉心栽花卻換來白紙
才用眼淚來寫字

伊索　屠格涅夫　狄更斯
歐威爾　艾可　卡爾維諾
幾本書的背後埋藏著我心事
張愛玲　曹禺　老舍　冰心
如果早幫我寫命運情節
從未怕　命太短　惟恐寫不好那段緣
盼成全

----------------------------------------------

Really touching song from at17's newest CD...
it is about someone who cannot connect with other ppl...
except with her writing...

I guess ppl always telling me i have barriers around myself and not often open up to other ppl...
except when talking to topics that i am interested in..movies, books...
then i will have shining eyes and get really excited....
other than that i will be like really slow to react...=P

I guess after i have spend 4 yrs in UT getting a degree (Act Sci and Eco) that i don't really like...
since i am not going into that field....
i always tell myself that i need to do more...read more... learn more...
to make up for the time and the knowledge that i miss....
watch more films... read more theories..more stuff about the mass culture...
and somehow... build a wall around myself in the meantime...
thinking that i am not good enough...so have to work harder...
but lost the sense of why i am chasing my dream in the first place...

If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8)

Guess if i know how to read or decode some of the msg of films or media...
but don't know how to share it with ppl...
then it is of no use to me...

Guess if i read an amazing book that inspired me...
but cannot use it to inspire other ppl...
then it is of no use to me...

Guess if i only have knowledge (which is not alot)....
and don't know how to love or care for ppl around me..
then all i am striving for is worth nothing....

Cheer Chen's "Too Much"

太多

歌手：陳綺貞 | 作曲：陳綺貞
填詞：鴻鴻 | 編曲：陳建騏

喜歡一個人孤獨的時刻
但不能喜歡太多
在地鐵站或美術館
孤獨像睡眠一樣鍡養我

以永無止盡的墬落
需要音樂取暖
喜歡一個人孤獨的時刻
但不能喜歡太多

喜歡一個陽光照射的角落
但不能喜歡太多
是幼稚園的小朋友
笑聲像睡眠一樣打擾我

我們輕輕的揮一揮手
凝結照片的傷口
我喜歡一個陽光照射的角落
但不能喜歡太多

喜歡一個人孤獨的時刻
但不能喜歡　太多
-----------------------------------------------------

Can't be alone too much...
or else may not be able to come back out...
once you got used to being a good friend with loneness...

Cheer's new CD is really great...
she doesn't sale her looks..
don't have to be sexy or cute...
just plain and simple...
lay bare herself and her passion in music..
her lyrics have a taste that is bittersweet which stays in your mind for days...
she is able to observe the little things in our daily lives and put them into "poetic" scenery...
she is really one of the rare artists right now who writes all her own music and lyrics..also did the composing..
really admire her...(also at17...and ???)

Cheer's passion was so great..
that when her contact with "Rolling Stones" ended a couple of years ago...
she couldn't get anyone to make music for her..
she gone into a deep depression and kinda a nervous breakdown..
until Avex Trax singed her...
i am really amazed at how people can put their whole lives into something that they love so much and to die for...
great CD... have a listen....

www.cheerego.com
go to "Frame" and will be able to see the latest MVs...
enjoy...=D

The Perfect Evening

Sometimes i just like to be alone...
just make myself invisible for a while..
just go "flow" around malls...
to bookstores, HMVs...browsing...
hide myself at home watching movies that i have bought for years and still having have a chance to watch...
like to clean my room when i am down..
hang all my clothes and sweaters that have been lying on the floor everytime i took them off at the end of the day..
books and CDs everywhere...all scattered on the floor...
i am not kidding... sometimes it is so crowded that i can't even walk to my bed...
i guess what is the pt of cleaning the room if it is only going to be messy again in like 2 or 3 days max...
but it is kinda like a ritual that i do...
everytime i do the cleaning, i will put on really loud music with my stereo...
and singing and dancing around my room...
until finally everything looks great...
and go and take a nice hot, long shower..
the feeling of being clean...both myself and my room...
just feels really great...
then just go down to the basement...
pick out a DVD... open a bottle of red wine..
a perfect evening...

P.S...sometimes i just think that...
Do i leave my room messy so that i can go through this process and redeem myself...
.....
.....
....
....
nah....just making an excuse for myself...for being lazy...=P

化哀傷為舞蹈

「我們在生活中可能需要放手的，莫過於日常關係這方面。愛一個人意味著容讓對方以任何方式回應你，而不受你的控制。」

「愛最奧妙之處就是，你既可得著愛，也可能一無所得。每次你愛別人，你正冒這個險。」


盧雲著，《化哀傷為舞蹈——在逆境中尋得盼望》

Lie With Me

I was able to get a free pass to see Clement Vergo's new film Lie With Me in the Film Theory class...
it was screened at the Toronto Film Fest..but since there was quite a bit of sexuality in it..so i decided not to go..however, after the screenings, the critics and audiences loved it...not because of the nudity, but cause it truly was a great film...so i had to see it myself to find out...


The story is about Laurie, a pretty, young woman who is looking for adventure...
she goes out to clubs every night..to dance with strangers and have one night stands with them...
or watch porn at home...stage play, give commands for the guys to do...
Laurie is not satisfy that only the men are having fun... leaving their "scent" everywhere...
so she kinda want to gain back the power...
her life goes on as usual until she finally met David, whom she loved and really want to spend time with...
but how will the relationship work out between them?? is it just a sexual relationship??

In this movie, the role of the gender is switched... or on a level playing field..
it is usually the man who goes out and finds pretty girls in most movies..
but this time, the story is told from a woman's point of view...
it is showing how the relationship between man and woman are down to just physical pleasure...
that they don't even have to know each others' names...
and that it is after the sexual act that they introduce themselves or have a date...
to go out for dinner or do something...

Shot right here in downtown Toronto, queen street...
the overall photographic look is really great...
the clothes, the makeup, the hair, the sets...are all really great...
because there a lots of hype on how much nudity there are in the film..
so the director just gives the audience the very thing that they want to see at the very beginning..lots of it too...
it is kinda to the point where...
ohh...ok...another love scene...um...already seen her naked several times...
um....anything else??
now that the audience is satisfy, the story can move on...
This movie is way more than just a movie with lots of sex..
is really beautifully shot...not like any old cheap XXX movies...
it works just like how the relationships ppl have nowadays...
have all the sex first...
then build the relationship or think about if he/she is the one that we love..
have all the sex first...
then tell the story...
and every sex scene that was in the movie, there was a purpose..
it advances the plot, builds up the relationship tension between Laurie and David..
gives more emotional depth to the characters...

Laurie says...
"It doesn't matter if it is a one night stand, had sex for a week, or 10 months or 5 years...it still hurts the body..."

It is really sad to see the message of the film...
and the truth behind it...
As the story advances...
Laurie really fell in love with David..
having come from a broken family...
but all she knows is how to have sex...and didn't know how to love a person
so when David is having problems and needs someone to care about...
she doesn't know what to do or how to handle it.. how to care for him...
all she can do is just give him physical pleasure..
which is not the thing that he needs...
she really do love him or care about David...
but just don't know how to express it...
and that's the saddest part of the movie..
which is also true to the youth today or society as a whole...
because of the causal relationships that the masses have in society...
they are only after the physical relationship...
cannot really connect with others emotionally...
and if they were not able to connect, then they will just think that just don't love the person enough..
so just go out and find another partner to fill the empty space inside of them...
with the only way that they know how...

There are several references with the characters looking at the mirror...
it is like the baby's first time looking at the mirror, the image of themseleves...
confused...looking for their identity...

I remember i was asked by some friends that..
why are you guys not talking about sex..
why are you guys not comfortable with sex?
it is our sexuality, we should be comfortable with it..

Then i answered...
it is because we do cherish it...
and that everyone in the society do it... or they tell you to do it..
doesn't mean that it is right...
and it doesn't mean that i am not comfortable with my sexuality..
i am very comfortable...
know what to expect or should treat a lady as a man...
i guess they are the ones who are not alright with their identity and sexuality, so that's why have have to look for these kinds of adventures to prove to themselves...

and i do think that it hurts a relationship alot..when it does happen so fast..
when the relationship is not even mature...
will just breaks it up...hurts both parties emotionally and physically...

This is a really great film..
but really have to watch with discretion and discernment

Saint Exupery's "The Little Prince" Quiz

You are the flower.


Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

World's Biggest Lie: Conformity

What is the World's Biggest Lie?
"That at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate." The Alchemist


I don't know when it had started..
when something bad had happen to us..like getting fired from a job.. breaking up from a relationship...getting into an accident...having sickness....that we just say.. it must be fate... that's why this is happening to me...
and since it is fate/God that has already decided for me... there is no use for me to do anything... cause it is already set... nothing can be changed...

I think the biggest lie in the world is actually democracy...
Living in a capitalist society.. they are always saying democracy is better than communist or dictatorship...
that their voters have free will to choose who will be their prime minister... or president...
they will someone who will work for the country's best interest...

And what is their country's best interest?
as long as everyone gets feed... the economy blooming...
and when the economy goes bad.. Unemployment rates go up...
the government will just say...
the economy is not in our control... because it is a global issue.. there is nothing that can be done by the government...
and the mass of people will just think.. hey it is true.. they can't control it.. it is not like they do it on purpose so that i lose my job...must be fate...

but the economy is just rules of demand/supply...rules of economics that are being played with the big guys...
who are the ppl that makes the most money when there is war...
who are the ones that gets the biggest contact to rebuild a city when it is under a disaster...
when the stock market "suddenly" drops by like 1000 pts... i wonder who is behind that...


Democracy is just the same as tyranny...
Trannity uses force and fear to get their citizens under control...
Democracy are just capitalist who uses the economic system with the media to control the people...
The only way that you are going to have a better life is if you vote for me...
"i promise i will cut taxes... offer jobs...blah blah blah...."
Whoever does the best marketing and control the media, news...
controls the masses...

We don't even care if you have good leadership... or moral values...
as long as give us what they want... enough money to consume...fill our desires

Just like in Brave New World , give them enough drugs to keep the elite happy and satisfy,then their minds will be numb and will do whatever you want...just like a herd of sheep... all they need is food and water.. and will follow their sheppard everywhere...

The biggest danger that we are facing today...
Conformity...to conform with what we call the "reality of life"...the formula of life......