Very tiring...
a bit sick..cause of too much deep fried food and the air here is not that great...
my throat has been hurting for several days now..
but still have to go on....=P
just came back from Taichong today...
met lots of local ppl here...all very nice ppl and very welcoming..
taking me into their home and willing to show me around...
the concert is so great..finally my wish was fulfilled in seeing her LIVE....
Cheer's voice is so great..the singing is so so touching...
going back to HK tm nite...
bought too many books here in Taiwan...don't know how to carry it back...
hmmm..very very heavy...
didn't buy much of other stuff..cause didn't really go to the "tourist" areas...
and all the food have to be eaten here...can't really bring them back..
dont' know what to do...hmm...
already took like 300 photos in these 4 days...haha...
will write in more detail when i get back...
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Material possesions == psychological fulfilled?
Does more money really make someone more happy than ppl with less money??
As long as we have a certain min. amount of money to take care of our basic and necessary needs..like a shelter..food..clothes...it will already get to a certain level of happiness really fast..
and the more money that we spend...it will only add a little of what is already available, it will not surpass the level of happiness already achieved...
just like in economics...you can only get so much gain in the profits or returns on labour or utility...it is called marginal returns...you need to put in a lot of resource to gain a little bit more after you reach a certain equilibrium level...
Material objects just mimics what we feel as solutions to needs that we don't understand...
Cars and big houses are just material dimension solutions when what we need is psychological ones...
when getting a beer...do u really want a beer or u want the friends and happiness that u always see in the ads...
when getting a jeep...do u really want that Jeep? or the idea of being free and get out of the city and run wild off the roads...
when getting a diamond... do u really want just want that shiny stone on ur finger or the real love that it is suppose to symbolize?
" Mankind is perpetually the victim of a pointless and futile martyrdom, fretting life away in fruitless worries through failure to realize what limit is set to acquisition and to the growth of genuine pleasure." Epicurus
Why do we want to seek more money in life??
the ultimate goal is so that we can secure attention and respect from people around us..
to make us feel important and wanted...
If that's the case..then does it mean that we just need true friends and family that really love and support us for who we are in the end??
"Before you eat or drink anything, consider carefully who you eat or drink with rather than what you eat or drink: for feeding without a friend is the life of a lion or a wolf."
We don't really exist unless there is someone who can see us exist...what we say have no meaning unless someone is there to perceive it...just like a movie has no meaning if there is no audience to watch it and interact with it...
We also need to have a place where we can voice out and vent...
By writing a problem down, we begin to know its characteristics..., even though we may not be able to remove it...we can stop it from confusing us even more...
"When measured by the natural purpose of life, poverty is great wealth; limitless wealth, great poverty."
" There is nothing dreadful in life for the man who has truly comprehended that there is nothing terrible in not living."
As long as we have a certain min. amount of money to take care of our basic and necessary needs..like a shelter..food..clothes...it will already get to a certain level of happiness really fast..
and the more money that we spend...it will only add a little of what is already available, it will not surpass the level of happiness already achieved...
just like in economics...you can only get so much gain in the profits or returns on labour or utility...it is called marginal returns...you need to put in a lot of resource to gain a little bit more after you reach a certain equilibrium level...
Material objects just mimics what we feel as solutions to needs that we don't understand...
Cars and big houses are just material dimension solutions when what we need is psychological ones...
when getting a beer...do u really want a beer or u want the friends and happiness that u always see in the ads...
when getting a jeep...do u really want that Jeep? or the idea of being free and get out of the city and run wild off the roads...
when getting a diamond... do u really want just want that shiny stone on ur finger or the real love that it is suppose to symbolize?
" Mankind is perpetually the victim of a pointless and futile martyrdom, fretting life away in fruitless worries through failure to realize what limit is set to acquisition and to the growth of genuine pleasure." Epicurus
Why do we want to seek more money in life??
the ultimate goal is so that we can secure attention and respect from people around us..
to make us feel important and wanted...
If that's the case..then does it mean that we just need true friends and family that really love and support us for who we are in the end??
"Before you eat or drink anything, consider carefully who you eat or drink with rather than what you eat or drink: for feeding without a friend is the life of a lion or a wolf."
We don't really exist unless there is someone who can see us exist...what we say have no meaning unless someone is there to perceive it...just like a movie has no meaning if there is no audience to watch it and interact with it...
We also need to have a place where we can voice out and vent...
By writing a problem down, we begin to know its characteristics..., even though we may not be able to remove it...we can stop it from confusing us even more...
"When measured by the natural purpose of life, poverty is great wealth; limitless wealth, great poverty."
" There is nothing dreadful in life for the man who has truly comprehended that there is nothing terrible in not living."
Apr 3
Haven't have a chance to write anything these days...essay due at school...2 exams next week...meetings and stuff...don't really have a chacne to get a good rest...
As well..not that great with emotions as well...for those of u that knows what i am going through..
please continue to pray for me...
Really looking forward to the trip next Friday...
only planned for the first week..which will be mostly in Taiwan..
i bought the ticket...which is pretty expensive..more than i thought...
still didn't get a solid contact with my frd's cousin yet...
booked one nite of hotel in TaiChong..that's it...
maybe i can just hang out at the 24 hrs bubble tea shops or the book store..that's the worst case..haha...
wishing to go to Kyoto now that my brother is out of the Tokyo trip with me...
but have to do reseach and need more money..=P
hmm...10 more days...
didn't really prepare anything yet for the trip...
but at least i need to have some expectations or goals for it...as Nicole always say...haha...
i guess i have an idea of those...will share after i come back...
As well..not that great with emotions as well...for those of u that knows what i am going through..
please continue to pray for me...
Really looking forward to the trip next Friday...
only planned for the first week..which will be mostly in Taiwan..
i bought the ticket...which is pretty expensive..more than i thought...
still didn't get a solid contact with my frd's cousin yet...
booked one nite of hotel in TaiChong..that's it...
maybe i can just hang out at the 24 hrs bubble tea shops or the book store..that's the worst case..haha...
wishing to go to Kyoto now that my brother is out of the Tokyo trip with me...
but have to do reseach and need more money..=P
hmm...10 more days...
didn't really prepare anything yet for the trip...
but at least i need to have some expectations or goals for it...as Nicole always say...haha...
i guess i have an idea of those...will share after i come back...
Saturday, March 25, 2006
30 Hour Famine
Hi all,
I am participating in the 30 Hour Famine and
collecting donations to help children in need around the world.
You guys know that i like to eat
but when you think of all the children around the world that don't have anything to eat,
the poverty and hunger that they are going through,
i think that we need to do something to help them...
So i am going to try the 30 hour famine..which is my first time doing it..
NO i am not doing it cause i want to be on diet..even though i need one...=P
BUT i really want to try to have the feeling and experience hunger and suffering that the children in poor country are going through...(even though it is not even close to what they are really facing)
Would you please click on the link below to
make a donation and help me?
http://www2.worldvision.ca/famine/12987907
The 30 Hour Famine will take place on Apr 7 and 8...you guys will be welcome to join me..i am doing it with some friends in my cell group...
If not able to join the 30 hour famine, you can still help with making a donation to help them...
Would you please click on the link below to
make a donation and help the children?
http://www2.worldvision.ca/famine/12987907
Saturday, March 18, 2006
morning coffee
One morning when i am having breakfast with Teresa at the work place...
we are going to make fresh coffee as usual..
and i said..
J: Hey...This coffee taste pretty good...Which blend is this?? It taste better than the one we were having before...
Teresa looked at me without saying anything...
T: That's the same blend that we are always having...every morning..
but Nicole just moved it into another container so that we didn't have to reach up to the top shelf to get it...
J: Hmm...i i thought it tasted familar...=P
T: It is the Colombian coffee that we always have in the morning...
You are so easily fooled by the packing..haha.a... ^o^
J: Yes..i know..i don't deny it..haha... i am such a sucker...
But aren't we all??
who dares to say that they aren't as easily fooled by the appearances and bland names??
even though something that is exactly the same, their values can be 3 or 4 times difference just because they are sold in a different store or the display is different... >_<
we are going to make fresh coffee as usual..
and i said..
J: Hey...This coffee taste pretty good...Which blend is this?? It taste better than the one we were having before...
Teresa looked at me without saying anything...
T: That's the same blend that we are always having...every morning..
but Nicole just moved it into another container so that we didn't have to reach up to the top shelf to get it...
J: Hmm...i i thought it tasted familar...=P
T: It is the Colombian coffee that we always have in the morning...
You are so easily fooled by the packing..haha.a... ^o^
J: Yes..i know..i don't deny it..haha... i am such a sucker...
But aren't we all??who dares to say that they aren't as easily fooled by the appearances and bland names??
even though something that is exactly the same, their values can be 3 or 4 times difference just because they are sold in a different store or the display is different... >_<
Monday, March 13, 2006
Perhaps...Love? Perhaps NOT~
There were lots of different opinions about this film...
I wasn't going to watch this film in the first place cause one of my trusted movie watcher didn't like it... and our taste were pretty close...so i didn't really think about this film..
but many different ppl keep on saying how good it is..and i liked the actress in the film.. so i am like..what the heck...
the only way to find out is to watch it myself...
( Warning: Spoilers ahead... if you have not watched the movie or u have watched it and liked it alot...
Please do not read on!!)
The idea of the story is alright...
it is kinda like a <Day for Night> by Francois Truffaut and <Le Mepris> by Jean Luc Godard, where it is a movie about doing a movie production...
how the relationship of the characters acting in the movie have their relationship problems in real life and how the director had to deal with them...
However, in both films, Truffaut and Godard used that method to show the director's own personal reflections on making film..
to use it to rethink and mediate film as a medium...to show the reality of the illusion of the movie business... how chaotic and messy an actual shooting process can be...
to disengage the audience and keep a distance with the film so they can have a thinking space
Well...Peter Chan used this form to show love is kinda like the illusion as a movie production.. that it is not real...
and the story takes place in a circus to kinda reinforce that point...
there were lots of use of reflective surfaces..like the water surfaces..and mirrors...
so i thought..hm..ok..maybe it does have something to tell...
The movie tries to blur the boundaries of the characters' memories into the movie by intercutting between the story being shot and what actually happened...well...it did worked in some of the scene... like the scene where Xun Zhou was struggling whether to go with Takeshi... and all these other girls are pulling her back.. intercutting her own past where she had to have drinks with directors to get parts...the editing wasn't done that well... too choppy.. i know what they were trying to do.. but just too disorganize.. didn't work.. just confused the audience.. and some of the scene didn't really cut together...
how come they had a little movie of Takeshi and Zhou Xun on the river hugging?? where did that come from??
it is like one of the key points of the movie..and just breaks the whole plot that was based on it...
Overall, all the characters do not have enough depth...too one dimensional...
most of the muscial scenes weren't done that well... the dancers wasn't really collaborated well together...the lighting setup have no mood or style...the sets in those scenes just too crap compare to the rest of the film... esp the last scene where they were flying in the air.. the background was just too fake...and i think because film being shot was a musical.. it limited the power of those scenes..
where the lines..which has to be lyrics that is suppose to move the story forward... was limited because it had to fit the music and couldn't really go deep enough...
if it were just regular dialogues, will have helped build on the characters emotions much better...
if Peter Chan wants to show love as an illusion... that love is really harsh and unreal... please... go all the way...the ending really wasn't needed...if u were firm enough to just have Takeshi walk out on Zhou Xun..taking revenge on her..
then i will be clapping my hands and cheering for you..cause u were brave enough to surprise the audience
not to have a happy ending as expected...
and u had made ur point...but no..it had to linger on...and on...and on...
However,
in the end..
i do have to give the director some credit..
cause he did try to do something new and be creative..
it was a nice try... but just have the form... not the content..
and please..the basics and little details are important....
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
每人每天眼睛一睜開都是一場《華麗的冒險》
◎旅行的意義。當初寫這首歌是在騎著機車，這首歌給我充滿速度的感覺，就是人沒有辦法進行到如此快的速度，好像回顧著很多事情，很多東西從眼前飛逝而過，是以這樣的狀態寫下來的。
男主角旅行的意義就是為了離開女主角，女主角旅行的意義則是為了找回自己，也為了離開男主角，所以各自在不同的地方旅行著。
◎Sentimental Kills。
新的版本比較瘋一點，而單曲版是自己在家用MD錄的，在床頭彎著腰就這樣錄了，一直想模仿John Lennon像〈Jealous Guy〉這樣的歌，舊舊的、聲音有一點delay，在家裡亂試，做出來還蠻頹廢的，這樣的氣氛也暗示在專輯的版本，自己非常滿意，這就是當初寫這首歌想要的感覺。
◎華麗的冒險。
《吉他手》做完後，常掉入是一個人的狀態，每天重複過日子，眼睛一張開卻不知要做什麼，現在想起來，其實每人每天眼睛一睜開都是一場華麗的冒險，即使計畫好的事情都可能生變，所以在寫歌時會思考很多。
所謂的「華麗」不一定是字面上的意義，是一種精神的豐富，這些歌曲都來自我非常簡單的生活，而簡單的生活會看到很多美好，這是在忙亂的人眼中所看不到的。
i guess that's how a true artist should be..
able to sense the little details out of our daily ordinary lives that others just don't see ....
For full interview go to http://www.hitoradio.com/music/1i_1.php?inter_id=47
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Money can buy you...
Heard it from somewhere...
Money can buy you the biggest, most comfortable bed,
but not a good night of sleep.
Money can buy you the best and most delicious food,
but not an appetite.
Money can buy you the best medicine, best doctor,
but not health.
Money can buy you the biggest house,
but not a home.
Money can buy you the best red wine,
but not a friend that you want to share it with.
Money can buy you the most shining diamond,
but not true love.
Money can buy you the biggest, most comfortable bed,
but not a good night of sleep.
Money can buy you the best and most delicious food,
but not an appetite.
Money can buy you the best medicine, best doctor,
but not health.
Money can buy you the biggest house,
but not a home.
Money can buy you the best red wine,
but not a friend that you want to share it with.
Money can buy you the most shining diamond,
but not true love.
Next Stage??
I think i have arrived at the age where lots of decisions are to be made...
at a crossroad in life for big changes...
it is a stage where ppl have grad from university and have worked for a couple of years...
and it is time to think about what to do next...
some have made a great career...
some have gotta married and bought a house...trying to make their mortage payments every month...
some still searching...searching...
many of my good good frds..
have decided or are planning to go back to HK..
because they are not satisfy with the life that they are having here in Toronto...
they think that with the experience and education that they have..
they can have a much better advancement in HK..
that they can go a lot further...
this made me really really sad...
cause they are truly my best best frds and they are leaving one by one...
i don't know what advices i can give..or should i give them any...
cause i think everyone has their own path and destiny..
who is to say that it is not that path??
some want to find a better career...
some thinks the guys here sucks..haha...
some just want to go back to have a change of enviroment...to challenge themselves...
some have broken up from a relationship....
all i can say is that...
if you cannot figure out what u are looking for in life here..
it is just going to be the same when you get back to HK...
if you are lost in life here...
the same pattern is going to repeat itself...
cause u don't even know what u want...
just a change in the settings...will it really help u find the answers there??
don't know what i can say...
but just really want to appreicate everyone of my frds...
cause it really isn't easy to have u guys to celebrate my b-day...
and i don't want to take it for granted..
cause i know next year.. some of u may not be here again...
we had gone through a lot of stuff...
good times...bad times..
many all nighters... for drinking purposes...or for working on events and shows...
disappointments in life...in relationships...in friends..
time when we shared our dreams... our future... our true self...
having u guys to stand by my side...
each of u represented a part of me...
had made a mark in my life..
made me who i am today...
i won't regret any of it...
cause that's who i am...
with all of u in it...
Thank you....
at a crossroad in life for big changes...
it is a stage where ppl have grad from university and have worked for a couple of years...
and it is time to think about what to do next...
some have made a great career...
some have gotta married and bought a house...trying to make their mortage payments every month...
some still searching...searching...
many of my good good frds..
have decided or are planning to go back to HK..
because they are not satisfy with the life that they are having here in Toronto...
they think that with the experience and education that they have..
they can have a much better advancement in HK..
that they can go a lot further...
this made me really really sad...
cause they are truly my best best frds and they are leaving one by one...
i don't know what advices i can give..or should i give them any...
cause i think everyone has their own path and destiny..
who is to say that it is not that path??
some want to find a better career...
some thinks the guys here sucks..haha...
some just want to go back to have a change of enviroment...to challenge themselves...
some have broken up from a relationship....
all i can say is that...
if you cannot figure out what u are looking for in life here..
it is just going to be the same when you get back to HK...
if you are lost in life here...
the same pattern is going to repeat itself...
cause u don't even know what u want...
just a change in the settings...will it really help u find the answers there??
don't know what i can say...
but just really want to appreicate everyone of my frds...
cause it really isn't easy to have u guys to celebrate my b-day...
and i don't want to take it for granted..
cause i know next year.. some of u may not be here again...
we had gone through a lot of stuff...
good times...bad times..
many all nighters... for drinking purposes...or for working on events and shows...
disappointments in life...in relationships...in friends..
time when we shared our dreams... our future... our true self...
having u guys to stand by my side...
each of u represented a part of me...
had made a mark in my life..
made me who i am today...
i won't regret any of it...
cause that's who i am...
with all of u in it...
Thank you....
Monday, February 27, 2006
Survey...
http://kevan.org/johari?name=Drunken+Angel
A survery for friends to use 5 or 6 words to descibe me...=D
(Please..for ppl who actually knows...Thx)
A survery for friends to use 5 or 6 words to descibe me...=D
(Please..for ppl who actually knows...Thx)
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Feeling of Love = Love??
The feeling of love is like the aroma of a flower...
it is so sweet that ppl around can smell it, sense it, feel it...
amazed by its beauty...
We are always taught that.....
Feeling of Love = Love
We too often taught to....
use our eyes to think...
our feelings to act....
but this feeling of love is only a by-product of the care to the "plant of love"...
it has its own cycle...
the beauty of the flower and its aroma will fade...
but it is a cycle...when spring time comes...
the flower will be reborn and bloom again...
it is so sweet that ppl around can smell it, sense it, feel it...
amazed by its beauty...
We are always taught that.....
Feeling of Love = Love
We too often taught to....
use our eyes to think...
our feelings to act....
but this feeling of love is only a by-product of the care to the "plant of love"...
it has its own cycle...
the beauty of the flower and its aroma will fade...
but it is a cycle...when spring time comes...
the flower will be reborn and bloom again...
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Closer....Closer??
What does relationships means nowadays??
Do ppl really still look for one that lasts??
In Closer, everyone is just a stranger till the moment they meet.
How does two people meet??
Did YOU arrange it to happen??
"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change - it's the currency of the world." - Dan
Relationships nowadays...
depends too much on feelings...
the feeling of "love"...one moment we can love a person to death, willing to do anything for them...
willing to make promises from the bottom of our hearts...
really sincerely hope that will be able to stay with this person forever...
But once this feeling is gone...
will want everything back from them...
all the love...all the presents and gifts...
if not able to get it back...
then will think that we have been taken advantage of....
Society and mass media has changed the definition of intimacy...
intimacy == sex...
that we often go too fast..
just wanted to be loved...
be intimate with someone...
but missing the build up time...
the foundation underneath...
so the relationship was thought to be intimate enough already,
but it is truly empty inside...
Therefore we feel unsatisfy,
thinking that we don't love this person anymore...
When there is an argument or a fight..
there is often nothing to fall back on...
"Where is this 'love'? I can't see it, I can't touch it, I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but i can't do anything with your easy words." - Alice
We are all scare to put in too much effort into a relationship...
fearing that it will go to waste someday...
we are too economical...
if not making a "profit"...at least break even...
always want something back...not willing to sacrifice...
"愛總是讓人哭 讓人覺得不滿足
天空好大卻看不清楚
好孤獨
-天黑黑
We do not really cherish or value the relationship anymore because it is just merely another physical attraction, there will always be another person who looks as good or about the same waiting to happen...
The bodies have become one...
but the souls are like the distance from East to West...
so close...yet so far away...
Everyone is really looking for intimacy, the one person that we can share everything with....
Our Failures...
Our Imperfections...
Our ugliness...
Our Fears
Our Happy Days...
Our Hopes...
Our Dreams..
We really don't want to wear a mask in front of the person that we love..
but we are really afraid that we will get hurt..
so we build a wall around ourselves...
hoping to reveal our true self slowly..
breaking down the wall slowly until we feel safe and comfortable...
Monday, February 20, 2006
Heart leak with termites and a black hole...
What does it feel like??
It is like a hand that got a grip of my heart...
not willing to let go..
squeezing it real hard every now and then...
reminding me of its presence...
crashing it to pieces...
little by little...
piece by piece...
It is like termites that are clawing up and down my throat..
all the way down to my heart...
chewing away...
tearing my heart piece by piece..
little by little..
bit by bit..
It is like a leak that cannot be stopped...
life just keeps draining out...
little by little..
drop by drop...
It is like a black hole...
sucking everything into it...
first my legs..my hands...
my body..my mind..
till nothing is left anymore...
sucking my world and everything into it...
little by little...
piece by piece...
bit by bit....
drop by drop...
little by little....
It is like a hand that got a grip of my heart...
not willing to let go..
squeezing it real hard every now and then...
reminding me of its presence...
crashing it to pieces...
little by little...
piece by piece...
It is like termites that are clawing up and down my throat..
all the way down to my heart...
chewing away...
tearing my heart piece by piece..
little by little..
bit by bit..
It is like a leak that cannot be stopped...
life just keeps draining out...
little by little..
drop by drop...
It is like a black hole...
sucking everything into it...
first my legs..my hands...
my body..my mind..
till nothing is left anymore...
sucking my world and everything into it...
little by little...
piece by piece...
bit by bit....
drop by drop...
little by little....
Cheer Chen's video!!!
A little collection of Cheer's videos...
she is so so GREAT!!!
Love how she can bare herself and put all her feelings into her songs...
can feel her passion and sincerity for music and life..
expressing it by her lyrics...and the music that she writes...
her songs are like poems..
it paints a picture..a scene that u can just see in ur mind...
her voice is like a knife that cuts into your heart...
stay with you day and nite...
and the way she plays the guitar and sing at the same time...
doing something she is so passionate about...
she is so charismatic on stage that no one can compare to...
旅行的意義 (One of my fav.)
self
太多
太聰明 (One of my fav.)
we are always too clever in relationships...
the pure heart to just love is gone...
小步舞曲
吉他手mv
Footage from Last yr's Taiwan concert
Singing live for "Too clever"
Some sharing on her journey when she is writing her new song "The Fabulous Adventure"
A concert at Tainan University
A concert at Tainan University Part II
A concert at Tainan University Part III
A concert at Tainan University Part IV
80% perfect life
just a guitar...and a great voice...
nothing fancy...
just GREAT!!!!
Sunday, February 12, 2006
What religion do you fit in with?
I guess it is pretty true...
depends on feelings first..then use the limited logic/reason i have to understand it...=P
um...organized religion may not be for me...um....
depends on feelings first..then use the limited logic/reason i have to understand it...=P
um...organized religion may not be for me...um....
You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 60% spiritual. 40% reason-oriented. | ||||
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com |
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Where is our True Self?
i guess we get voices from everyone and everywhere...
family, friends, co-worders, lovers, church... TV, radio, mass media...
everyone if giving u their voices and opinions... some for your own good, some really think what they are saying are trying to help you...
some just want to hurt ur confidence...
some just want u to conform to their standards...
the bread growing experiement is kinda like my future...
it may not look that good...or to some ppl..not good at all..even ugly...
but we don't really know how it will look like when it fully "blossoms"
we are too often very short-sighted...
and give up very quickly when others oppose what you are doing...
thinking...if so many ppl thinks it is bad...
then it must be really bad and i should just give up...
ppl ask why go to university for 4 yrs and studied so hard for ur Act Sci degree and give it up?
can just work at banks or insurances stuff...makes big money and lead a good life...
they just want u to conform to their standards..
cause that's what they believe in...
others want u to give up cause they don't want u to succeed...cause they have given up their own dreams and don't want others to achieve it..
so they "sugar-coated" their so call reasons...
well..some do really care for ur own good...and are really worry about your future and how u going to make a living....
"We want to be loved, but we are so afraid of rejection that we would rather be loved for being someone we are not than be rejected for being who we are."
but in the end...what i really want to say is...
it is all about choices..
some are 1st rated, some are 2nd rated in which will help you grow to be a better person..
it all goes back to what you really believe in...
who u truly are...ur final purpose in life...
the choices and decisions that you make...
the life is yours to live...not theirs
they do not have to live with the consequences afterwards...
you do...so u are ultimately responsible for your own life...
"Some people are going to like me and some people aren't, so I might as well be me.
Then, at least, I will know that the people who like me, like me." Hugh Prather
so what if i look bad in a beard...
i don't really care if not one goes near me...
as long as i know why i am doing it..
it is just a choice that i make and live with it..
guess i don't want to live with what others want from me and regret it later in life...in my career that is...
who knows what it will be like in the future...
that's life's beauty... the uncertainty..the risk that u need to make...
That's goes to the 100% true self...
yes sometimes we hurt people be being true to our feelings and true to ourselves....
but everyone will eventually go back to their true self...
You may leave ur principles, morals, values at first...
but not happily...we will no have peace if we have to wear a mask everyday and can't even be true to ourselves...
and the other people will not be happy either if u r not treating them honestly...
of course u need to be constantly trying to improve urself..making what u think is good...
become better-versions of yourself...
not for anyone else..but for yourself...
family, friends, co-worders, lovers, church... TV, radio, mass media...
everyone if giving u their voices and opinions... some for your own good, some really think what they are saying are trying to help you...
some just want to hurt ur confidence...
some just want u to conform to their standards...
the bread growing experiement is kinda like my future...
it may not look that good...or to some ppl..not good at all..even ugly...
but we don't really know how it will look like when it fully "blossoms"
we are too often very short-sighted...
and give up very quickly when others oppose what you are doing...
thinking...if so many ppl thinks it is bad...
then it must be really bad and i should just give up...
ppl ask why go to university for 4 yrs and studied so hard for ur Act Sci degree and give it up?
can just work at banks or insurances stuff...makes big money and lead a good life...
they just want u to conform to their standards..
cause that's what they believe in...
others want u to give up cause they don't want u to succeed...cause they have given up their own dreams and don't want others to achieve it..
so they "sugar-coated" their so call reasons...
well..some do really care for ur own good...and are really worry about your future and how u going to make a living....
"We want to be loved, but we are so afraid of rejection that we would rather be loved for being someone we are not than be rejected for being who we are."
but in the end...what i really want to say is...
it is all about choices..
some are 1st rated, some are 2nd rated in which will help you grow to be a better person..
it all goes back to what you really believe in...
who u truly are...ur final purpose in life...
the choices and decisions that you make...
the life is yours to live...not theirs
they do not have to live with the consequences afterwards...
you do...so u are ultimately responsible for your own life...
"Some people are going to like me and some people aren't, so I might as well be me.
Then, at least, I will know that the people who like me, like me." Hugh Prather
so what if i look bad in a beard...
i don't really care if not one goes near me...
as long as i know why i am doing it..
it is just a choice that i make and live with it..
guess i don't want to live with what others want from me and regret it later in life...in my career that is...
who knows what it will be like in the future...
that's life's beauty... the uncertainty..the risk that u need to make...
That's goes to the 100% true self...
yes sometimes we hurt people be being true to our feelings and true to ourselves....
but everyone will eventually go back to their true self...
You may leave ur principles, morals, values at first...
but not happily...we will no have peace if we have to wear a mask everyday and can't even be true to ourselves...
and the other people will not be happy either if u r not treating them honestly...
of course u need to be constantly trying to improve urself..making what u think is good...
become better-versions of yourself...
not for anyone else..but for yourself...
Friday, February 03, 2006
Beard Growing Experiment
I have been trying to grow a beard these days...
I guess it is something all guys go through..try to experiment on how i will look like with it..
I guess cause not many Asian ppl can/do grow a beard...and so it is kinda unique and distinct...
and cause it is kinda of the body..want to explore it more..
also maybe subconsciously...also going through lots of stuff these days...
and to have my body show my emotions rather than saying it out...
It is pretty funny how ppl around me is reacting...
"What happened?? Why aren't u shaving??"
"Are you depress or something??"
"You look like a thief...Remember not to wear strips clothing..."
Well...if i look depress...
then why u don't ask if something is actually bothering me
and just say something so shallow and leave it at that??
if i have shaven... will i have seem happier??
Some will say,
"Hey that looks cool...
You look more like a director now...=P
u look even more like ur brother now... S hit"
Well...some really do mean it...
But you can so tell some ppl just saying stupid stuff that they don't mean...
can so just tell from their eyes...
Every second person that i meet...
they will be trying to comfort me and change me...
it is just like life...
every decision that we make..
everything that we do..
ppl are going to have different opinion...
it is not like they really care why u do it...
it is not like they really care if u listen to their "advice"
or if their advice is really useful..
"Hey why are you giving up ur degree and do something so stupid??"
"Hey that girl seems pretty nice, maybe u try to go out with her..."
"Why u guys are breaking up?? "
"U guys seem so good together??"
"It must be your fault again...always like to play around...!!!"
So many many voices all around us...
How do we choose which one to listen to and keep our true self??
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Spending time alone = Loneliness = ??
Mondays are kinda my reflection day...
cause it is a day when i have a day off and go to school...
from noon till nite..
i like to take the subway if it is not too cold...
so i can read and think...
then after film theory class..can walk to Korean Town for the best Pork Bone Soup!!!
(The ones in "Happy House" are the best)
then will walk to Ryerson..which is like an hour walk..
but it is a good time...
cause we are too often trapped inside our car..
when we actually have time to take a walk..
it lets us interact with the place around us...
have a relationship with our space...
time to quiet down..and talk to ourselves...(well..not out loud)
i told my frd about how i spend my Mondays...
and he would say..
"Wow...how come you are being so lonely??"
I don't get why ppl think that spending time alone == loneiness...
i guess we are all looking for incidents and events and things to pack our lives...
go out to dinner...to a movie... to sing K...
we need to have events like that to prove that we are not lonely??
"You have to learn to enjoy your own company,
before you can learn to be with someone else, you need to learn to be alone.
Until you are comforable being with yourself, you will always be afraid of being alone."
If you get comfortable about yourself..
then you will find that...there are lots of dates not worth really going to...
rather stay home with a good movie or good book is better....
i like to spend time driving alone,
so that i can turn on the music as loud as i want...
and don't need to care if the other person like what i am listening too...
i like to watch movies alone,
cause i really really hate ppl talking while a movie is on...
and keep asking.."What just happened??"
well...if you keep on watching and not ask...you will know..
cause it is my first time watching it too!!!!!
Don't really like to talk on the phone that much...
cause i will always feel like taking up other ppl's time...
i mean... what gives u the right to just intrude into other ppl's private time with just a phone call...
is like... hey..i want to talk to you...so i don't care what u are doing at that moment..
you need to put down whatever u r doing and make the time to talk to me...
i think that's the selfishness that tech. created...=P
On the other hand,
I guess i am sometimes trapped as being "too comfortable" with being myself...
Someone once told me that i am too comfortable in my own world...
And forget to build up relationships and care for the ppl around me..
i agree... but how do u balance your own private time / not being too self-absorb??
"Relationships keep us honest.
Conversing and interacting with a variet of people in our everyday lives
bring out the light the illusions we often created and believe about ourselves.
Alone and isolated,
we have an incredible ability to deceive ourselves
and create images of ourselves that are one-dimensional at best."
"The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Mattew Kelly"
cause it is a day when i have a day off and go to school...
from noon till nite..
i like to take the subway if it is not too cold...
so i can read and think...
then after film theory class..can walk to Korean Town for the best Pork Bone Soup!!!(The ones in "Happy House" are the best)
then will walk to Ryerson..which is like an hour walk..
but it is a good time...
cause we are too often trapped inside our car..
when we actually have time to take a walk..
it lets us interact with the place around us...
have a relationship with our space...
time to quiet down..and talk to ourselves...(well..not out loud)
i told my frd about how i spend my Mondays...
and he would say..
"Wow...how come you are being so lonely??"
I don't get why ppl think that spending time alone == loneiness...
i guess we are all looking for incidents and events and things to pack our lives...
go out to dinner...to a movie... to sing K...
we need to have events like that to prove that we are not lonely??
"You have to learn to enjoy your own company, before you can learn to be with someone else, you need to learn to be alone.
Until you are comforable being with yourself, you will always be afraid of being alone."
If you get comfortable about yourself..
then you will find that...there are lots of dates not worth really going to...
rather stay home with a good movie or good book is better....
i like to spend time driving alone,
so that i can turn on the music as loud as i want...
and don't need to care if the other person like what i am listening too...
i like to watch movies alone,
cause i really really hate ppl talking while a movie is on...
and keep asking.."What just happened??"
well...if you keep on watching and not ask...you will know..
cause it is my first time watching it too!!!!!
Don't really like to talk on the phone that much...
cause i will always feel like taking up other ppl's time...
i mean... what gives u the right to just intrude into other ppl's private time with just a phone call...
is like... hey..i want to talk to you...so i don't care what u are doing at that moment..
you need to put down whatever u r doing and make the time to talk to me...
i think that's the selfishness that tech. created...=P
On the other hand,
I guess i am sometimes trapped as being "too comfortable" with being myself...
Someone once told me that i am too comfortable in my own world...
And forget to build up relationships and care for the ppl around me..
i agree... but how do u balance your own private time / not being too self-absorb??
"Relationships keep us honest.
Conversing and interacting with a variet of people in our everyday lives
bring out the light the illusions we often created and believe about ourselves.
Alone and isolated,
we have an incredible ability to deceive ourselves
and create images of ourselves that are one-dimensional at best."
"The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Mattew Kelly"
Monday, January 30, 2006
Blue Mountain Trip!!!
I was able to go to Blue Mountain last weekend to get a little rest and relax...
which i was really looking forward to for a while...
but was a bit worry during the ride to the cottage...
cause there wasn't even a hint of snow anywhere...
and the temp was like +5 in Toronto
but the moment when all us arrive at the cottage..it starts to snow...all through the nite...till the next morning...
and this is what it looked like when we get out of the door...
And the snow is so fresh, that it doesn't even hurt when we fall down..
which is a good thing..cause lots of us are first timer or beginners...
really thx God for giving our cell such a great time...
we snowboarded from morning till late afternoon...
the weather was perfect...
It was really tiring...Most of us can bearly move when we get back to the cottage...
and have aches all over our legs and body for a couple of days after the trip...=P
It was so much fun that the whole group are kinda addicted to it now...
everyone is planning to get the whole set of gear before we go again for the next trip...
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