Cries aganist the storm... Jonsi from Sigur Ros....

I recently went to a concert for a singer called Jonsi, who is the lead singer for an Iceland band called Sigur Ros. They are a really great band, one of the most popular postmodern-rock band in the world right now, so it was really great to see him live in concert. When I see them on the stage, his voice and music really touched me a lot. Throughout the concert, there are many images of nature and life, of stars and skies, it was very lovely and artistic. As the concert went on, the beautiful images turned into the destruction of the forest and nature, being cut down or burned to the ground because of the human greed. They are like fairy or spirits who came out from the forest who came out to sing, to tell us their stories. I closed my eyes and feel the music filling me up, touching every part of my bones, feeling their pain and struggling. I wanted to cry.

At the very end of the concert, they ended with a very powerful song that sounded like a big thunderstorm and the singer was singing in the middle of it, the image of it is like he is a big big storm and chaos and running in the middle of it, shouting and yelling for help with all his might, but no one was listening in the world. It was so sad, so lonely, but yet so powerful. It is like the prophets in the wild where no one is listening.


There is a documentary film done a couple of years ago called “Screaming Masterpiece”, exploring why there are so many great music coming out of Iceland, people like Bjork, Mum, Sigur Ros. I think it is really because these people are just surrounded by the great nature around them, they see the beautiful scenery everyday, in touch with the Earth and the animals, that it was able to inspired them to do the great music. There is a recent documentary called “Dreamland” from hotdocs, looking at how Iceland is the only country in the world that have the ice glaciers, volcano, many waterfalls and great mountains all in one. One looking at the place will see the many wonders of God’s creativity. But because the country is in great economic trouble, big corporations who only cared about profits and are taking advantage of that and go into build many projects, taking these natural resources, raping the earth. I get really angry and heartbroken at the sight of that. I get even more upset when these issues are not voices out or discussed when a lot of people today are so self-absorbed in their own needs, thinking it is not their problem. Things like poverty or education or human trafficking, all contribute to a larger problem like natural disaster, famine, terroristism that no one can escape. How can we be more aware of these issues? And is it to naive to think that a small group of people can have an impact against the big countries and corporations?

Jonsi - GO DO Video on Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6HjT4SQKJI

Scattered in《大江大海一九四九》

"累積的，不僅只是體力的長期疲累，也不僅只是精神上的無以言說的孤獨，還有這四百天中每天沉浸其中的歷史長河中的哀傷和荒涼。那麼慟的生離死別，那麼重的不公不義，那麼深的傷害，那麼久的遺忘，那麼沉默的痛苦。然而，只要我還陷在那種種情感中，我就無法抽離，我就沒有餘地把情感昇華為文字。
所以我得忍住自己的情感、淘洗自己的情緒，把空間騰出來，讓文字去醞釀自己的張力。我冷下來，文字才有熱的機會。"

Finally finished reading the 《大江大海一九四九》 by 龍應台... it had been my night time reading ever since I got the book(which may not be a very good idea)... maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping that well these days... because I was so touched by the many many stories that's recorded in the book about the civil war in China back in 1949... a time when the communist army was fighting the Taiwanese army...
Who is more suited than 龍應台 to write about this, as she is a Chinese/Taiwanese influenced by the Japanese, and also married to a German with two boys to look at WWII in so many different aspect and perspectives..

There are just too many emotions running through my head, often bringing them with me to my sleep... haunting me in my dreams... feeling their pain..
There are just too many scattered thoughts that I cannot piece together yet...

Small decisions that changes lives forever...
~ getting off the train to go to the washroom off a train separated a mother and son forever...

~ taking a train up North to contribute to the war effort, giving back to your country or riding South to flee to a more "hopeful" place; can mean riding to your death or never able to see your parents again for the rest of your life...

~ so much hope and meaning riding in the name to the child born in the midst of the war...

~ a copy of 古文观止 provided education for a whole school inside a concentration camp during the war and how this copy was returned to the original owner years later in Taiwan

~ the old man who was lucky enough till this day when his band of brothers all died finally realized his destiny was to live and tell the tale so the next generation can hear about this part of erased history...

~ The many stories and people who gathered in Hong Kong in that period and contributed so much who will never recognized...

~ why do we have to fight a civil war right after the victory over the Japanese army? where tens of thousands die in a matter of days, fighting against your own country man...

~ the pain and scars hidden inside each and everyone who have been in the concentration camps, whose parents were taken away, who lost their sons and daughters in the war, their brothers and sisters, their loved ones never to be seen again...

To me, a Chinese who moved to Canada ever since grade 5, I have totally no idea about that part of Chinese history...haven't really experienced any real hardship or war... it is really hard to imagine what they have gone through during those times...

~ How should I face this period of history as a Chinese 60 years after it has declared "victory"...

~ How can a country truly raise up without looking truly and honestly at its own past, history, journey and weakness... are we to wait even longer so that the "witnesses" all pass away, so that we can rewrite the history books AGAIN?!?

~ Who were the "heroes" and "traitors" depends on whose flag is being raised...

~ What is the meaning of "victory" and "failure" when so many lives have been lost, the ugliness of human nature to the bear bone...

I have lots of respect for 龍應台 and appreciate her digging through so much research, traveling across different parts of Taiwan and China to interview the remaining survivors,
to let the voiceless be heard, be a witness to them before they are lost in the streams of time and history...


Also understand from her what it means to "忍住自己的情感、淘洗自己的情緒，把空間騰出來，讓文字去醞釀自己的張力。我冷下來，文字才有熱的機會。"
This reminds me when I was in Sichuan, how I had to really hold down my feelings and emotions when listening to the stories of the students... so that I can better put their tales of courage and love together...
also better understand the struggle that Long Di must have experienced when have to face with so many tragedies from students daily...
they are all very brave people... those on both sides of the witness stand...

Hot Docs: The Cove

One of the best and most powerful doc I have ever seen. It is about how Ric O'Barry, one of the best at dolphin training in the 60s, made a TV show called Flipper, which he used 10 yrs to created a whole industry of dolphin shows at marines. But when his beloved frd flipper committed "suicide" because of the stress living at the marine, Ric finally woke up and realized what he had done. He had put over 23000 dolpines each year to being slaughtered. Each year, in Taija Japan, fishermen will trap dolphins that pass by the area and let the marine trainers come and pick the best ones and be sent all over the world while all the rest will be killed on the spot. But because dolphin meat is not the most attractive thing there is, they were disgusted as other more expensive meat to be send all over the country. Because of the industrial dumping and pollution, and because dolphins are at the upper level of the food chain, they have become living toxic dumpsites when they eat smaller polluted fish, and anyone who eat the dolphin meats (which they don't know about), will get high level of mercury poisoning. And it was also given out as charity to school children as free lunch all over Japan. Which has the most hurtful effects.

Ric then used the next 35 years of his life trying to right a wrong, and gathered a passionate team of ppl who really do care about the ocean and the dolphins to uncover this hidden secert. It really is a Ocean's 11 real life thriller, where they had to go undercover, tailed by cops day and night, watching their every move, being provoked by locals so they can do something stupid to kick them in jail... is one crazy ride...

I think what really touched me in this film is that the team really put everything on the line, that if they were caught, they will be in jail, or even killed and lose everything. Their passion for doing something that seem so "silly" to save a bunch of sea animals makes me believe how one small group of ppl can make a difference in the world. And makes me believe once again the moving power of cinema, where you will not get the some shock by just hearing the news. But when you see the visuals and the cries of the dying dolphins, it has such impact that shatters your heart to pieces...
A MUST WATCH FILM!!! Can't wait for it to come out in Aug throughout the city.




Go to The Cove: What Can I DO to see how you can help and take part!!!

And be careful not to eat too much tuna or salmon.. they are full of mercury as well...
see the list some of the "safer" fish below

Eat only sustainable clean seafood.
Good fish

Arctic Char
Barramundi
Catfish
Clams
Cod (Pacific)
Crab (Dungeness, Stone)
Halibut
Herring
Lobster (Spiny)
Mahi mahi (US)
Mussels
Oysters
Pollock
Salmon (Alaska wild)
Sardines
Scallops
Squid
Sturgeon (farmed)
Tilapia
trout

Bad fish
Chilean Seabass
Cod (Atlantic)
Crab (King)
Flounder
Groupers
Halibut
Lobster (Caribbean)
Mahi mahi (Imported)
Marlin
Monkfish
Orange Roughy
Rockfish
Salmon (farmed, including Atlantic)
Shark
Shrimp (imported farmed or wild)
Snapper (red)
Sturgeon (imported, wild)
Swordfish
Tuna
Walleye pike
Yellowtail

Hot Docs: Inside Hana's Suitcase

It was the opening night for this year's hot docs film fest. The world premiere of Inside Hana's Suitcase and it blew me away and I do have high expectations for this year's films...
The film started a bit slow, but gets better in mid-way. I guess it can use a bit less dramatization and special effect to keep it more authentic. But it was still very good.

The story is about how one Japanese woman, Fumiko, where she wish to open up a Holocaust center so that the children in Japan can learn about its history and maybe possibly to stop the increase in child violence. Then a old suitcase was send from the Auschwitz museum, and the quest to discover the story of its owner Hana begins. It is amazing how the suitcase is not just a plain old suitcase when a name and story is attached to it. To find out more about the owner, Fumiko went to Auschwitz itself to talk with the other survivors, some were Hana's childhood friends, ones who lived in the same cabin as her, and find out the horrors the children and all the Jews had to go through. In which she was able to connect with Hana's brother, George, who lives in Toronto. It was a very touching moment when George was able to see his beloved sister's only belonging left, and telling the stories of their family.

This film really gave me confirmation of how important it is for people who have gone through great tragedy to be able to tell their stories. As George said, it is important that people other than himself, will be able to know about Hana, to let her stories live on. It is a healing for him in a way. Even though it is still painful and tears still swell up his eyes, he feels it is still very important for other children to learn from Hana so this history will not repeat itself.

Fumiko's passion and efforts to dig deep into finding more about Hana is really touched me as well, or else all these beautiful memories about the lovely children before being send to the concentration camp can't be bring out. And they are still going around the world everyday to make it be known.

After the screening, there were Q & A section... and we were actually about to meet al the characters in the film, George and Fumiko themselves. It is actually a first time I seen an actual Holocaust survivor in person. It is truly an honor to be in the same room with someone who had been through so much and still holding on, living his life to the fullest. He really touched me as he keep using his life as a witness, telling again and again the painful past, hoping that history won't repeat itself. So what is our responsibility after this? How are we to engage to our time, to the present, right now? I truly believe, as a person of media ( if I may call myself that for now), we do have burden, a accountability to let these witness be presented, these stories be told, these memories live on.

This film also reminds me of a film I saw in TIFF a while ago, And Along come tourist. Also a very touching film, high recommend!! It was also about the Holocaust, where one of the survivors who lives on site at one of the Auschwitz museum to give lectures about it, keeps repairing the suitcases as he still cherish each and every piece like his children. It was asking the question about whether the tourist who comes to the museum really cares about the past, or just come for the wows and amusements. Even the local politicians were just using the past sometimes as a tool to gain ground and favors. And how are we treating the "human history witness", do we know we have lots of treasure inside of them? And do we have any respect for other people's tragedy? Reminds me of what Beichuan might become as a tourist site.

Inside Hana's Suitcase will be showing again Sun May 3rd @ 1:30pm, don't miss it!!!

Extended reading
Q & A: Inside Hana's Suitcase
Hot Docs from Apr 30 to May 10

魚

As the water rushes through my body springing from the shower,
Images of my youth days comes back to life.

We would hang out till the sun comes out,
Laugh our heads off at the silliest jokes,
Run through the night like there were no tomorrow,
Dance in the middle of the street like there was no one around,
Soaring through the night sky in our roaring motorcycles.

We were as care-free as a feather,
Worry-free as the wind.
We laughed at the ways of the world,
We despised all rules,
We rebelled against all authorities.
Shouting at the top of our lungs the anger and frustration toward the system.
What we worried about was that grown-ups didn't notice us
So that they can envy our youthfulness.

Till One Day,
We finally noticed the chains and handcuffs slowly creeping around our arms and legs,
Tightening its grip,
Clipping off our soaring wings,
Fading out our smiles,
By this thing called Life.

We were left like fishes dumped in the water,
With no legs to run or wings to fly.
That we are like the salmons,
And it is time for us to swim upstream edge of the river,
Losing our loved ones in battle against the dashing current.
What do we expect to find when we reach the top?
That we have fulfilled our destiny?
Or only to die from exhaustion just like everyone else?

Is there someone out there,
That can shield me under their wings,
Give me a heartfelt embrace,
Till I gather enough courage,
To step out and face this world.



Part of the 陳綺貞"太陽"專輯徵文活動 Final 50
Please vote for me, Drunken Angel <<魚>> #16
Thanks a lot.

Bend the arc of history

At the cool autumn night of Nov. 4,
for many the impossible dream has finally came true.
America's first ever African-America president was elected.

As I was watching his victory that night, tears begin to fill my eyes.
As this is not only a president that the people in US had been waiting for,
but also a change that the world has been waiting for a long time for.
Obama has given hope to people who needed it most.

He had completed half of the dream by his hero, Martin Luther King Jr.,
to eliminate racial discrimination in America,
the other half is to eliminate poverty still has a long way to go,
but his election will surely speed up the process
and inspire a lot of people to work hard and tell the world that nothing is really impossible. There are tons of newborns being named Obama in Kenya right now.

He came from a broken family with parents separated at an early age,
then had a drug addiction in his teen years,
how he came back and work hard the black community and see their hardship,
then going into Harvard law school and then becoming the president should only have been seen in a Hollywood movie.
But it really did came true.

I wondered as I was watching if one day, there will be a Chinese Canadian who will become Canada's Prime Minister, as we were once before a discriminated railway worker, just like the blacks were trapped in slavery in the US, is it possible?


As Obama said in his speech,
"It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day."

We have been living in an of wars, social injustice, global warming, poverty, greed in the financial market, and this has become a major turning point in history. He had mentioned Ann Nixon Cooper, an 106 years old lady, who was born just pass the slavery generation, witnessed the Great Depression, whom wasn't able to vote before, the Pearl Habour and the two world wars, and today, she had came to vote on a touch screen that made part of history. This is truly amazing.

Obama very much believed in investing into the future generation, as he was deeply influenced by John F Kennedy, in a 2007 speech,
"I wouldn't be here if, time and again, the torch had not been passed to a new generation."
He is able to see that it is important to pass this flame down to another generation, that's why I believe he will be a great president.

In making of Obama, or the history of African America in US, they say
"Rosa sat so Martin could walk; Martin walked so Obama could run."
It is a step by step long time process.

So what is it that we can contribute in this time of great need in the world?
What can our generation do so that our future generation to FLY towards their dreams?

Going Veggie??

This past week was really going VERY SLOW...kinda...
it is because me and Sim are going on this no meat diet...
which is really a pain in my ass... cause ppl who know me will know that I am like a big big meat monster, a meal without meat will really kill me...

But then I see that the food crisis is really getting to be a problem...
with so much of our food going to the biofuel to feed our cars...
also lots of our food are going to feed the animals for the meat that we eat...
which could have been used to feed the poor and hungry...esp a famine is being predicted again in places like Ethiopia and many other countries...

With so many ppl having to go hungry... I think that trying to go on a meatless diet is not really a big thing to ask for... as many have them never tasted meat in their life time...

So I will be doing the no meat diet for this week, which is almost over and should be ending on Sunday night...
It was really really a painful journey, as I was faced with many many temptations from yummy beef steak to lambs and chicken wings...
While I was only eating mushroom, Tofu and fruits most of the time...and will go real hungry in no time...
But it was great that I am able to hold myself off and should be able to finish the quest at hand till then...
and will try to go on a less meat diet bit by bit after that....

Sometimes I ask myself why are we doing something so silly...and it doesn't seem to be any use at all...
but in the process, even though it was painful, ppl that were eating with me get curious about it and I can pass the clause to them about it... which is a great great way to spread the message around...
We can have all these knowledge about it, but it is in the acting out of it that people get curious and get drawn to it...

Isn't it kinda the same as being a Christian?
That I always ask myself over and over again
why we have to do something so different...
what is the pt of not downloading the music on the net for free?
or not buying the fake copies of films...
why have to be so honest in certain situations..
why have to speak out when you see something unjust or just wrong when everyone is doing it, what's wrong with you? So that ppl can hate you for it??
It is just life, take it easy...
Make some money, enjoy life... retire early... have fun... don't work so hard...
You are not going to make a difference... what can you do??
and what if this all turn out to be false?? Then you have wasted your whole life....

We are just silly ppl aren't we??
Oh... I thought you already know about that when you are called to be a Christian...


---------------------------------------------------
THE CASE FOR VEGETARIANISM

by Bruce Friedrich, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)



Last month, The UN called the diversion of crops to biofuels “a crime against humanity”. Indeed, 100m tonnes of corn and other crops that could feed people instead feed our cars.

But what if I told you that 7 times as much crops (750m tonnes) are taken from the mouths of the global poor to feed chickens, pigs, and other farmed animals? Surely this is a crime against humanity of even greater impact.

I adopted a vegetarian diet more than 20 years ago, after I read Diet for a Small Planet, by Frances Moore Lappe. It changed my life.

In the book, Lappe makes the argument that using land to grow crops for animals is inefficient, polluting, and that it steals food from the mouths of the global poor.

The fact is, it’s not only her that has noticed. It seems so obvious, and slowly people are picking up on the point. Going veggie is a simple yet effective way to make sure everyone on the earth can eat.

The point is echoed by the respected environmental think tank, The WorldWatch Institute, which published a report a few years back that declares:

“[M]eat consumption is an inefficient use of grain—the grain is used more efficiently when consumed by humans. Continued growth in meat output is dependent on feeding grain to animals, creating competition for grain between affluent meat-eaters and the world’s poor.”

More and more, that message is getting a hearing, so that the UN’s climate chief Yvo de Boer said:

“The best solution would be for us all to become vegetarians.”

Indeed.

A UN report recently found that eating meat is the number one human cause of global warming. Of course, poor communities are always the first to suffer the potentially grave consequences of climate change.

The official handbook for the Live Earth concerts says “refusing meat” is “the single most effective thing you can do to reduce your carbon footprint.“

The UN report also noted the meat industry’s contribution to:

*problems of land degradation
*climate change
*air pollution
*water shortage
*water pollution
*loss of biodiversity.

Clearly, there is problem, and something needs to be done.

Isn’t adopting a vegetarian diet the least that each of us can do?

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Are You A Meat-Eating Environmentalist?

Written by Noelle dEstries

The facts point out that your juicy sirloin steak is worse for the environment than your SUV. But does that mean we really need to put our forks down? Why can’t we still fight global warming while eating a cheeseburger — it’s better to be a meat-eating environmentalist than nothing at all. Amen. Dead flesh for everyone! From the New York Times Article:

EVER since “An Inconvenient Truth,” Al Gore has been the darling of environmentalists, but that movie hardly endeared him to the animal rights folks. According to them, the most inconvenient truth of all is that raising animals for meat contributes more to global warming than all the sport utility vehicles combined.

The biggest animal rights groups do not always overlap in their missions, but now they have coalesced around a message that eating meat is worse for the environment than driving. They and smaller groups have started advertising campaigns that try to equate vegetarianism with curbing greenhouse gases.

Some backlash against this position is inevitable, the groups acknowledge, but they do have scientific ammunition. In late November, the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization issued a report stating that the livestock business generates more greenhouse gas emissions than all forms of transportation combined.

When that report came out, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and other groups expected their environmental counterparts to immediately hop on the “Go Veggie!” bandwagon, but that did not happen. “Environmentalists are still pointing their fingers at Hummers and S.U.V.’s when they should be pointing at the dinner plate,” said Matt A. Prescott, manager of vegan campaigns for PETA.

So the animal rights groups are mobilizing on their own. PETA is outfitting a Hummer with a driver in a chicken suit and a vinyl banner proclaiming meat as the top cause of global warming. It will send the vehicle to the start of the climate forum the White House is sponsoring in Washington on Sept. 27, “and to headquarters of environmental groups, if they don’t start shaping up,” Mr. Prescott warned.

Did you get your call today?

Ever since the beginning of the year...so many things are happening, not only in China, but around the world as well...

First off is the assassination of Bhutto in Pakistan right after New Years...
whose suspect was freed today in Pakistan...
and the violence in Kenya for their elections...


Then it was frozen cold by the winter storm in China which have millions stranded...




It heated up with the riots and protests in Burma...





then got a call about the World Food Crisis which have millions in danger of famine around the food...



Zimbabwe's poll is similar with Kenya's killing a lot of the opposition supporters...


The US's fight between Obama and Hillary took over the news and attention...


All of a sudden, the cyclone in Burma...


And the big earthquake in Sichuan killing tens of thousands, leaving millions homeless, lots of orphans...



But then the flood in Iowa and Southern parts of China took over later also with more killing in Iraq and Afghan...



Of course the oil prices and the Brad and Angelia's baby and Hulk Hogan's son running someone over is important as well...

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So many news everyday, taking over after one another, until we forget about everything and anything that happened.

People always ask what we can do seeing so many things on the news...and then just we will just go on to watch our fav. sports, as the Stanley Cup, NBA Finals, and Euro Cup is on... and just use anything possible to distract ourselves from all those news cause it is making us so depress... like alcohol, relationships, video games, loud loud music, sex, drugs to block out all the little voices coming and going in our head...
Until the next Big News take over on the news...
So that we can move on...
And live with ourselves...

---------------------------------

We Are The World

There comes a time
When we head a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can't go on
Pretneding day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We are all a part of
God's great big family
And the truth, you know love is all we need

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Send them your heart
So they'll know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us by turning stone to bread
So we all must lend a helping hand

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

When you're down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There's no way we can fall
Well, well, well, well, let us realize
That a change will only come
When we stand together as one

We are the world
We are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

The world without imagination...

"Violence is for those that has lost its imagination.
Has your country lost its imagination?"

This is from the manager of the hospital in Iraq,
where they had to care for hundreds and thousands of children, injuried men and women everyday, with pieces of missiles and metal fragments shot into the body...

It is because of the lack of imagination that the world has gone bad...
we always get into arguments and fights with others,
cause in the post modern, our feelings and stand point is very important, and it is our rights...
and so when ppl don't agree on things, the easiest way is just to see who is the stronger one and beat the heck out of the other till u have to surrender...
When parents dealing with their kids, when couples argues, when kids get into fights in school, cause they didn't see other ways to deal with it, so just start to shout and yell and shoot...


We only see others as an material object, an other, an "it", a number, a stat,
and don't look into ppl...
that they are actually a person with feelings, with their loved ones crying and worrying for them when things happens...

This is why a culture, arts, literature are so important...
to understand humanity,
with flesh and blood, thoughts and feelings...

When are we going to learn...

Shrine Circus

Haven't been to a circus for a while, the last time was like 2 years ago to the Circus De Soule...
Just went to one of those very old traditional circus on the weekend,
one of those that are in the parking lots of a mall.
So I didn't really have many expectations for it,
as it is not really those "artsy" type circus where the focus is on the music and performance.

This one is really raw and traditional...
with a lot of kids there, riding on elephants, face paints, cotton candy,
horses, dogs doing different tricks...
some of the acts were really great to my surprise..
like shooting anchor at the small apple on top of someone's head...
or the elephants acts...really great to my surprise...

Then I realized that we really needed more of these attractions around us,
even though it is small, or not really "professional" to today's standards,
But it is very important as it inspires kids to actually dream,
stir their imagination, giving them the sense of mystery magic...
which is lost to the children of today... without the true sense of what childhood should be like...
as they are mostly in front of the TV, video games...
and the circus actually let they really be there to see and experience these magical trick...
I hear one of the kids said to her parents as they leave after the show...
That she wants to be in the circus when she grows up...
Well...even though we all know her chance of helping a circus is very slim...
but I think it is very beautiful to see a dream was dreamt at that exact moment...

Acting/Directing Class Part II

Finish the directing class a week or two ago...
For this term, it was even harder than last term...
Last term we had to learn to act, having to anayalses the script, personalize who each of the character is to you in real life...
It is very very hard work...
because sometimes you had to go to really deep and dark places of yourself that no one knows about...

I had to play a killer in "Get Carter" who this professional actor...
Then I had to ask myself, in what situation will I really kill someone in real life?
Cause if i don't get this clear, I will only be "playing" an emotion or action, which is the worst acting EVER....
and ppl who knows how to act can tell in an instant that you are faking it...
So I had to picture the ppl who are closest to me, my gf, my family, my best friend...
what will I do if they were killed and murdered and I had to get revenge for them??
Will I kill then? and that's not enough...
I had to even picture how they die... maybe got beaten to death? killed by drunken driving? the body got all cut up?
The emotions that was in you on your way to see the body? How did it look when you first see their body...
the deeper and more detail u pictured it to be, the more real and intense the emotions will be...

Also the bigger the stake are, the better...cause there will be way more conflict in the scene...
I had to do an activity where I had to picture myself to be preparing for an Across fundraising dinner...
and lots of guests were coming...and these gifts...the set of magnets were not sorted out yet...
and if i don't sort out all of them and put them in a set of 8 in a gift envelope in like 10 minutes,
The donors will not give any more funding to Across and we had to close down...
So I gone crazy doing it...
(even though there is no way to do it, and that's the point of the activity and I cannot leave this activity no matter what)
and then a classmate, whom is suppose to play my gf's best friend...
just come in and tell me that she just got into a car accident and is in the hositpal now...
I have to go immediately....
So the big big conflict and tension was created... as to what am I to choose...

Even though it is pretty painful sometimes to do these things, getting the emotions out is really tiring...
and sometimes tears comes out and the negative feelings stay with u for a while...
it shows me how much work a REAL actor needs to do and lots of respect for them...
and I am also thankful that I have lots of life experiences that I can use to fuse the emotions if I needed...

Directing/Acting Classes

I am taking this class that's suppose to be for helping you how to direct actors...
and they say, if you want to know how to direct, you need to know how to act first...
so that you will know how hard it is for actors/actress to express themselves when have to be on the spot...

well...didn't think will have any problems at first, cause i did have some drama experience back in the days...
i don't like to do any public speaking...let alone acting...
but then, cause the class is really small, it is different to act for a whole audience, cause u don't really see any of the ppl down there when the spotlight is on you...so i can be free and do whatever...
so...in this small room full of ppl of different race...it is pretty hard...
forcing you out of the comfort zone...

One of the excise that we learn that will help actors connect is call a "word repetition" game...
that's when two ppl sit opposite of each other, knees to knees, eyes to eyes...
to fully observe any details about the other person, and just keep repetiting the words till there are new observations...
like a ping pong game, bounce back and forth....
will be like "You are scared", "You are scared"....."You are tense", "You are tense"
back and forth...
the purpose is so that the words will keep the brain occupied while your true emotion will be able to come out without thinking it through...

it is pretty interesting...
cause through the games, i learn about myself and others as well...
i can see that the partner that i choose to do this game with,
is someone that i have confidence to "manage", that i can control the whole process without making a fool of myself in front of the class...
somehow, the teacher was able to see this, maybe cause my tone was there to "help" or "teach" the other person how to do this...
and she said "Being safe doesn't get you the best stuff, creativity wise"...
which is pretty true, for me,
i guess i do things the same in many areas of my life,
choosing to do the safest thing so no one will be able to comment on them...
but i think i have change bit by bit these couple of years,
cause i know that no matter what you choose to do, ppl will comment and critiize it no matter what...
so as long as you are true to yourself and do what you feel is right...

Another thing out of this excise,
is that, when the words or phrases are repeated too long,
ppl will try to "act", which means trying to play an emotion, rather than just let the emotion play itself out...
they want to make it to be more interesting...
and that's the worst acting, lowest form of acting there is, playing an emotion, rather than feeling the emotion and then use it to drive the action...
cause "the reality of acting is in the doing itself", truly doing the action with emotion droven...

Then the teacher say that...
we need to be confident that,
just by sitting there, being yourself, is already interesting enough...
don't need to make up other stuff to be special...

I think it is so true in life...
i see ppl around be very afraid of silence...
or afraid they don't have anything to say...
so will make up lots of things to say... try to be funny...
will talk about other ppl, or putting ppl down...
try to show they are superior or smart...
but lots of time, it is just trash that comes out of the mouth...
don't you know that being silent is a message in itself?

It is this feeling of wanting to feel special, trying to get peoples' attention that often hurts people around you.

On Funeral

"I would rather participate in life than write a hundred stories." ~Thomas Mann

I hate to do shooting more and more now...
well...for events that is...
but cause ppl know that u know a bit about video shooting...
will push you to do it everytime...
and the most recent one is my aunt's funeral...hate it hate it....!!!!!

i already told my mom many times that i don't want to do it...
cause it is very weird to me...
having to shoot a dead person...and esp. one of my own relatives...
and what do i do when i see ppl crying in the funeral?
do i capture it too? like i do when i am doing a wedding?
and having to see the whole thing through the screen of the video camera...
it is as a third person's view...that i am not part of this event, like an outsider...
is like i am not existing in the same space...
i think funeral is a place where the person can be remembered and the family and relatives can let the sadness comes out...
and in a way, let the tears heal each other...
being this "outsider, i can't fully absorb the atomsphere...
was not able to grief and let my emotions out...

all i can think of is to observe the "audience"... what they are feeling...
what type of interactions they may have had in my aunt's life...
try to feel their sadness as a third person and think of what i can write about it...
HATE IT!!!!!!

Life as a mathematical formula

There are so many unknowns in life...
if we are to set some variables to define these unknowns, X (men), Y(women), Z(incident)
so for example, 2 guys having a fight maybe something like this X1 +X2 +Z = ?
or maybe a love triangle will be like X1 + X2 + Y + Z == X + Y1 +Y2 + Z == some negative number cause someone is going to get hurt for sure...

also there are so many changes in life, which we can call "derivatives" (dx)/(dy), where life changes every moment of the day, and we do an "integration", to collect all the changes (dx) in life and recreate the whole picture by adding all of these changes up...


There are so many ppl in life, so many things happening, changes every seconds...
what if we encounter something that we cannot understand or cannot solve?
like (This guy keeps bugging me and won't go away), (Need to buy a car/house and don't have enough money to pay for the down payment), (don't know about my calling or future direction)....
all these things are happening in your life... and wont' be able to solve it in the short term...
so can just put a bracket around them and just leave them alone for a while...and go on with other stuff..
sometimes after a while, the bracket may just opens up and goes away,
or you have found the unknown variables you need in other parts of life and will be able to work these brackets out...


there will for sure be ppl or incidents that gives you bad experiences or negative numbers...
but when you look at the whole picture, they are just a small part of your life long long LONG equation...
and we may need some of those negative experiences to counter another gloomy event later on in another stage...
which will make a positive outcome...

so don't be discourage for all the struggles and unknowns in life...

P.S. if you can use the Strong Law of Large Numbers on the world,
then you will be able to see God the all mighty exist....=D

P.P.S. Sorry for all these numbers and variables, just my calculus memory from UT coming back to haunt me...XD

今天遇上的困苦和等待，
是為了我們明日的脫變。

An immigrant to the world

Movies/books have made readers/viewers an immigrant to the world.
It showed us the other side of the world where there are hundreds of possibilities compare to what we call reality today.

What is reality? It is just a chain of consequences that came out with luck and butterfly effects, and defeated all the others. Sort of like there is only one sperm that can get into the egg and all the others dies.

Everytime a page is turned or a scene is opened, they show you what it may have been like and how it reflects on this ugly, shallow world that you never want to come back to. The problem is not getting back to reality, as it only needs a strong will and determination, and will be able to pull yourself out. The problem is not the listener, but yourself. How you can tell people around you what you have seen on the other side.

As Plato said, "You find that you are standing on the grounds / surroundings that you are familiar with, but you have become an alien with a foreign tongue that no one can understand."