Libido and Art

All my life, I had a need to think painting, to paint in order to liberate myself from all the impressions, all the feelings, and all the anxieties of which the only solution I know is painting.

- Nicolas de Staë

I think it is kind of similiar to what Freud said about Libido, where libido means the energy of life. In his eyes, life is driven by sexual desire, love for oneself, for their family, even love for art or belief. And this energy is not unlimited, what is used up will not be recovered.

When things are not going their way in life, people will feel powerless and debilitated, the way to release these pressure maybe take it out on their loved ones, be it lovers or family and friends, go on a shopping spree, go drink till you drop, so to forget about it for a while.

Artists are usually consider to have a very strong Libido, and it is this pressure and drive from the energy of life that gives inspiration and muse to their artwork. They are usually more sensitive to problems in life around them, and in trying to solve them, be able to boarden their horizon and begin their creation.

When they feel pressure, anxiety, distress in life, will try to find out the source of these complications, analyses it face to face with reason, and consciously readjust its target to the projection of the libido energy. Not to give up and lose the battle easily and waste the chance to grow, but rather, infuse it attentively into their art and who knows, maybe able to change the world in the mean time.

Jacksoul

Went to the Jacksoul concert with some good friends...

i always loved Jacksoul's music...
the music just has this beat that makes you want to dance to it...
and the voice of Hayden is so so nice...
very rich and powerful...
makes you want to just cry with songs like someday

Music is just so amazing and it touches ppl's heart so deeply...
i have to work hard on my guitar...

Very funny Cheer Video

A hurricane started to form down the stomach,
stirring up a tornado all the way up to the heart,
turning, twisting, crushing it like there is no tomorrow.

It doesn't just stop there,
taking its hardest revenge to the back of the head,
initiating a tsunami that floods the whole globe.

After it had build enough force,
with tidal waves that are couple of stories high,
it starts to attack the highly secured waterdam gates
that had been doing a very well job of defending for so long.

They just knows that it cannot break,
because if this stronghold is broken,
the whole thing will be over,
there will be nothing left.

But the impact is so great that it just demolish water gate within seconds,
breaking the rest of the body to millions of little shreds and pieces.

My Favorite Things

Haagan Dazs Plain Chocolate Ice Cream,
Just get a bucket and scope away...

Red Wine with Thousand year old eggs.

Cotes du Rhone Red Wine while watching movie in basement.

Rusty Nail cocktail, having both the smoothness and the bite down your throat.

Coffee with Milo, really great...a must try!!

Smell of dark toasted Mandheling coffee beans.

A hot bowl of Tomato, Potato, ox Tail, on a cold cold snowy day.

The smell of burning firewood.

The sound of saxophone, guitar, and piano.

Cheer's Albums, all her songs, well, most of it.

Sade's music really loud while driving on the highway at night.

Stan Getz's Bossa Nova.

Love Letter's OST when traveling through mountains.

Cheer's songs while driving, is like you are going on a traveling trip.

Watching artist play guitar on stage and singing their own songs.

Watching people doing what they enjoy and have passion in it.

Stealing glances from beautiful strangers on the streets.

Girls with not a lot of makeup on,
Confidence is the best makeup.

Girl wearing just plain white tank top with blue jeans,
Don't need to overdo simple beauty.

When snow had just finish falling
Everything is covered in snow,
And there is no footprints or car tracks on the streets,
Everything seem so pure and quite.

Rain drops on a pebble walkway,
It is like painting it with color bit by bit.

The surface of a lake or pond when it is raining,There are lots of ripples on the surface, Creating really beautiful picture with music accompanying it.

The moment after the rain has stopped, the earth seems really quiet, Then slowly, the birds begins to come out, to tell the rest of the world to get up, The grass slowly rise its head up, and people start to come out from shelter.

The dripping of rain drops on the corner of the roof.

A really really hot shower, till my skin turns all red,
And a good thing about showers, you can't tell which are tears which are the water drops.

Watching children's' smiling face,
Just running around really happily,
Playing simple games (Not PSP!!)

The warmth from a fresh laser printout.

The muscle pain after an intense workout,
You feel you have really worked hard and makes you feel alive.

A causal walk in the walk at dawn, not that many ppl in the park,
Just one or two walking their dogs,
The gentle breeze of the wind moving the little green fingers of the trees,
Makes me clam and peaceful.

The smell of fresh cut grass.

Taking pictures, to appreciate what God created.

Sitting in the corner of the library reading with a ray of sunshine on me,
To let me feel the warmth and know that God is with me.

Small and cozy coffee shops on little side streets,
With a fireplace and a sofa,
Just to go sit, read and write.


When i think of all these things,
I don't feel so bad... ^__________^

When crisis comes

When Crisis comes,
It usually comes in a bunch...

When Disaster strikes,
An oppounity is also at the corner...
There is always contingencies

When Crisis comes,
It is a test of how tough you really are...
How firm can you stand on your ground...
A turning point, a defining moment
and say is that all you got?

When Conflict comes,
It is a measure of the strength and weakness of your community...
Who are ready to to stick with you...
Who are not enough to take that extra step...

It is like a meter that tells you how close are people around you...
You can see some that will disappear right away...
Some just pretend they don't know you...
Some pretend that nothing happened...

It is also an assessment of how many real friends are there to support you...
offer you not only empty words...
but to stand behind your back...
and pull you out of the bottomless pit together..
never to leave you behind...

Thanks for the oppounity to make me strong...
and to see that i am being loved...

DSC_0587

Scenes from a Party

Everyone has their own problems and struggles, from family, relationships, friends, work, loneliness, sickness. We all have our own problems but just not willing to face them, we just look for ways to divert our attentions. Going to parties, getting drunk, being surrounded by people, we can temporarily get away from it all. But when the night is over, it is just even worst than before, because you just have to face the problem all the same.

-------------------------------------------------------------
Jerry and Jessica had just had a big fight before going to Alex's party. Jessica and Jerry get into Alex's apartment, pretend they don't know each other, and just walks around the room and greet their friends.
Even though they didn't say it, but each of them was observing what the other person is doing, eyeing whom they are talking to. ..

Then John arrives with a gloomy face, didn't say hello to anyone, just sat down beside the table, went for a rock glass and poured himself a glass of Jim Beam. Who had just found out that his father passed away today from a heart attack...

Jerry is hitting on Jenny just to make Jessica angry. Jenny knows she was being used, but what can she do, this is the only chance to be close to him...

Everyone have their own reason to get drunk....
-------------------------------------------------------

Coming soon....

整體性格
Joseph先生，心思細膩，品味獨到；親切友善，行事圓融，懂得享受生活；也有追求高品質，不拘小節，堅持原則的一面。
待人性格
Joseph先生待人：相當感性；既喜歡與人同樂也能樂於獨處；謙虛含蓄；會適度偏袒自己人；大方坦蕩但也能保守秘密。
處世性格
Joseph先生處事：不喜歡干涉別人；態度隨和；容易協商；把握重點兼顧細節；有些天馬行空；靈活變通游刃有餘。
性格缺點
Joseph先生性格的缺點為：比較浪費出手相當豪奢；有時候容易妥協不能擇善固執；偶爾會拖泥帶水不夠直接。
價值觀
Joseph先生重視的價值觀為：親密的感情；愛情的滋潤；傳播真理；較不擅長：鞏固權力；節儉守財；出頭爭先。
愛情性格
Joseph先生在愛情上較不適應急躁的進展步調，懂得製造浪漫，會吃醋但不過分；較常表現：善良包容，優雅大方，要求嚴格，積極主動。
金錢性格
Joseph先生的金錢觀：花錢很適度不浪費也不小氣，用錢會有妥善的計劃；容易把錢用於：享受浪漫，交際應酬，提升品質，滿足自我。

Not ready to write anything yet...
need more rest...and time..
to unpack stuff, and unpack my experiences...
still trying to upload the photos from trip and gather my thoughts..
doing this for now...

Taiwan...Day 4

Very tiring...
a bit sick..cause of too much deep fried food and the air here is not that great...
my throat has been hurting for several days now..
but still have to go on....=P

just came back from Taichong today...
met lots of local ppl here...all very nice ppl and very welcoming..
taking me into their home and willing to show me around...

the concert is so great..finally my wish was fulfilled in seeing her LIVE....
Cheer's voice is so great..the singing is so so touching...


going back to HK tm nite...
bought too many books here in Taiwan...don't know how to carry it back...
hmmm..very very heavy...
didn't buy much of other stuff..cause didn't really go to the "tourist" areas...
and all the food have to be eaten here...can't really bring them back..
dont' know what to do...hmm...

already took like 300 photos in these 4 days...haha...

will write in more detail when i get back...

Material possesions == psychological fulfilled?

Does more money really make someone more happy than ppl with less money??

As long as we have a certain min. amount of money to take care of our basic and necessary needs..like a shelter..food..clothes...it will already get to a certain level of happiness really fast..
and the more money that we spend...it will only add a little of what is already available, it will not surpass the level of happiness already achieved...


just like in economics...you can only get so much gain in the profits or returns on labour or utility...it is called marginal returns...you need to put in a lot of resource to gain a little bit more after you reach a certain equilibrium level...
Material objects just mimics what we feel as solutions to needs that we don't understand...
Cars and big houses are just material dimension solutions when what we need is psychological ones...

when getting a beer...do u really want a beer or u want the friends and happiness that u always see in the ads...



when getting a jeep...do u really want that Jeep? or the idea of being free and get out of the city and run wild off the roads...



when getting a diamond... do u really want just want that shiny stone on ur finger or the real love that it is suppose to symbolize?




















" Mankind is perpetually the victim of a pointless and futile martyrdom, fretting life away in fruitless worries through failure to realize what limit is set to acquisition and to the growth of genuine pleasure." Epicurus

Why do we want to seek more money in life??
the ultimate goal is so that we can secure attention and respect from people around us..
to make us feel important and wanted...

If that's the case..then does it mean that we just need true friends and family that really love and support us for who we are in the end??

"Before you eat or drink anything, consider carefully who you eat or drink with rather than what you eat or drink: for feeding without a friend is the life of a lion or a wolf."

We don't really exist unless there is someone who can see us exist...what we say have no meaning unless someone is there to perceive it...just like a movie has no meaning if there is no audience to watch it and interact with it...

We also need to have a place where we can voice out and vent...
By writing a problem down, we begin to know its characteristics..., even though we may not be able to remove it...we can stop it from confusing us even more...

"When measured by the natural purpose of life, poverty is great wealth; limitless wealth, great poverty."

" There is nothing dreadful in life for the man who has truly comprehended that there is nothing terrible in not living."

Apr 3

Haven't have a chance to write anything these days...essay due at school...2 exams next week...meetings and stuff...don't really have a chacne to get a good rest...

As well..not that great with emotions as well...for those of u that knows what i am going through..
please continue to pray for me...

Really looking forward to the trip next Friday...
only planned for the first week..which will be mostly in Taiwan..
i bought the ticket...which is pretty expensive..more than i thought...
still didn't get a solid contact with my frd's cousin yet...
booked one nite of hotel in TaiChong..that's it...
maybe i can just hang out at the 24 hrs bubble tea shops or the book store..that's the worst case..haha...

wishing to go to Kyoto now that my brother is out of the Tokyo trip with me...
but have to do reseach and need more money..=P

hmm...10 more days...
didn't really prepare anything yet for the trip...
but at least i need to have some expectations or goals for it...as Nicole always say...haha...
i guess i have an idea of those...will share after i come back...

30 Hour Famine

Hi all,

I am participating in the 30 Hour Famine and
collecting donations to help children in need around the world.

You guys know that i like to eat
but when you think of all the children around the world that don't have anything to eat,
the poverty and hunger that they are going through,
i think that we need to do something to help them...

So i am going to try the 30 hour famine..which is my first time doing it..

NO i am not doing it cause i want to be on diet..even though i need one...=P
BUT i really want to try to have the feeling and experience hunger and suffering that the children in poor country are going through...(even though it is not even close to what they are really facing)


Would you please click on the link below to
make a donation and help me?

http://www2.worldvision.ca/famine/12987907


The 30 Hour Famine will take place on Apr 7 and 8...you guys will be welcome to join me..i am doing it with some friends in my cell group...

If not able to join the 30 hour famine, you can still help with making a donation to help them...
Would you please click on the link below to
make a donation and help the children?

http://www2.worldvision.ca/famine/12987907

morning coffee

One morning when i am having breakfast with Teresa at the work place...
we are going to make fresh coffee as usual..

and i said..

J: Hey...This coffee taste pretty good...Which blend is this?? It taste better than the one we were having before...

Teresa looked at me without saying anything...
T: That's the same blend that we are always having...every morning..
but Nicole just moved it into another container so that we didn't have to reach up to the top shelf to get it...

J: Hmm...i i thought it tasted familar...=P

T: It is the Colombian coffee that we always have in the morning...
You are so easily fooled by the packing..haha.a... ^o^

J: Yes..i know..i don't deny it..haha... i am such a sucker...


But aren't we all??
who dares to say that they aren't as easily fooled by the appearances and bland names??
even though something that is exactly the same, their values can be 3 or 4 times difference just because they are sold in a different store or the display is different... >_<

Perhaps...Love? Perhaps NOT~

There were lots of different opinions about this film...
I wasn't going to watch this film in the first place cause one of my trusted movie watcher didn't like it... and our taste were pretty close...so i didn't really think about this film..
but many different ppl keep on saying how good it is..and i liked the actress in the film.. so i am like..what the heck...
the only way to find out is to watch it myself...

( Warning: Spoilers ahead... if you have not watched the movie or u have watched it and liked it alot...
Please do not read on!!)

The idea of the story is alright...
it is kinda like a <Day for Night> by Francois Truffaut and <Le Mepris> by Jean Luc Godard, where it is a movie about doing a movie production...
how the relationship of the characters acting in the movie have their relationship problems in real life and how the director had to deal with them...
However, in both films, Truffaut and Godard used that method to show the director's own personal reflections on making film..
to use it to rethink and mediate film as a medium...to show the reality of the illusion of the movie business... how chaotic and messy an actual shooting process can be...
to disengage the audience and keep a distance with the film so they can have a thinking space


Well...Peter Chan used this form to show love is kinda like the illusion as a movie production.. that it is not real...
and the story takes place in a circus to kinda reinforce that point...
there were lots of use of reflective surfaces..like the water surfaces..and mirrors...
so i thought..hm..ok..maybe it does have something to tell...

The movie tries to blur the boundaries of the characters' memories into the movie by intercutting between the story being shot and what actually happened...well...it did worked in some of the scene... like the scene where Xun Zhou was struggling whether to go with Takeshi... and all these other girls are pulling her back.. intercutting her own past where she had to have drinks with directors to get parts...

the editing wasn't done that well... too choppy.. i know what they were trying to do.. but just too disorganize.. didn't work.. just confused the audience.. and some of the scene didn't really cut together...
how come they had a little movie of Takeshi and Zhou Xun on the river hugging?? where did that come from??
it is like one of the key points of the movie..and just breaks the whole plot that was based on it...
Overall, all the characters do not have enough depth...too one dimensional...

most of the muscial scenes weren't done that well... the dancers wasn't really collaborated well together...the lighting setup have no mood or style...the sets in those scenes just too crap compare to the rest of the film... esp the last scene where they were flying in the air.. the background was just too fake...

and i think because film being shot was a musical.. it limited the power of those scenes..
where the lines..which has to be lyrics that is suppose to move the story forward... was limited because it had to fit the music and couldn't really go deep enough...
if it were just regular dialogues, will have helped build on the characters emotions much better...

if Peter Chan wants to show love as an illusion... that love is really harsh and unreal... please... go all the way...the ending really wasn't needed...
if u were firm enough to just have Takeshi walk out on Zhou Xun..taking revenge on her..
then i will be clapping my hands and cheering for you..cause u were brave enough to surprise the audience
not to have a happy ending as expected...
and u had made ur point...but no..it had to linger on...and on...and on...

However,
in the end..
i do have to give the director some credit..
cause he did try to do something new and be creative..
it was a nice try... but just have the form... not the content..
and please..the basics and little details are important....

每人每天眼睛一睜開都是一場《華麗的冒險》

◎旅行的意義。
當初寫這首歌是在騎著機車，這首歌給我充滿速度的感覺，就是人沒有辦法進行到如此快的速度，好像回顧著很多事情，很多東西從眼前飛逝而過，是以這樣的狀態寫下來的。

男主角旅行的意義就是為了離開女主角，女主角旅行的意義則是為了找回自己，也為了離開男主角，所以各自在不同的地方旅行著。

◎Sentimental Kills。
新的版本比較瘋一點，而單曲版是自己在家用MD錄的，在床頭彎著腰就這樣錄了，一直想模仿John Lennon像〈Jealous Guy〉這樣的歌，舊舊的、聲音有一點delay，在家裡亂試，做出來還蠻頹廢的，這樣的氣氛也暗示在專輯的版本，自己非常滿意，這就是當初寫這首歌想要的感覺。

◎華麗的冒險。
《吉他手》做完後，常掉入是一個人的狀態，每天重複過日子，眼睛一張開卻不知要做什麼，現在想起來，其實每人每天眼睛一睜開都是一場華麗的冒險，即使計畫好的事情都可能生變，所以在寫歌時會思考很多。

所謂的「華麗」不一定是字面上的意義，是一種精神的豐富，這些歌曲都來自我非常簡單的生活，而簡單的生活會看到很多美好，這是在忙亂的人眼中所看不到的。

i guess that's how a true artist should be..
able to sense the little details out of our daily ordinary lives that others just don't see ....

For full interview go to http://www.hitoradio.com/music/1i_1.php?inter_id=47

Money can buy you...

Heard it from somewhere...

Money can buy you the biggest, most comfortable bed,
but not a good night of sleep.

Money can buy you the best and most delicious food,
but not an appetite.

Money can buy you the best medicine, best doctor,
but not health.

Money can buy you the biggest house,
but not a home.

Money can buy you the best red wine,
but not a friend that you want to share it with.

Money can buy you the most shining diamond,
but not true love.

Next Stage??

I think i have arrived at the age where lots of decisions are to be made...
at a crossroad in life for big changes...
it is a stage where ppl have grad from university and have worked for a couple of years...
and it is time to think about what to do next...
some have made a great career...
some have gotta married and bought a house...trying to make their mortage payments every month...
some still searching...searching...

many of my good good frds..
have decided or are planning to go back to HK..
because they are not satisfy with the life that they are having here in Toronto...
they think that with the experience and education that they have..
they can have a much better advancement in HK..
that they can go a lot further...

this made me really really sad...
cause they are truly my best best frds and they are leaving one by one...
i don't know what advices i can give..or should i give them any...
cause i think everyone has their own path and destiny..
who is to say that it is not that path??

some want to find a better career...
some thinks the guys here sucks..haha...
some just want to go back to have a change of enviroment...to challenge themselves...
some have broken up from a relationship....

all i can say is that...
if you cannot figure out what u are looking for in life here..
it is just going to be the same when you get back to HK...
if you are lost in life here...
the same pattern is going to repeat itself...
cause u don't even know what u want...
just a change in the settings...will it really help u find the answers there??

don't know what i can say...
but just really want to appreicate everyone of my frds...
cause it really isn't easy to have u guys to celebrate my b-day...
and i don't want to take it for granted..
cause i know next year.. some of u may not be here again...

we had gone through a lot of stuff...
good times...bad times..
many all nighters... for drinking purposes...or for working on events and shows...
disappointments in life...in relationships...in friends..
time when we shared our dreams... our future... our true self...
having u guys to stand by my side...
each of u represented a part of me...
had made a mark in my life..
made me who i am today...
i won't regret any of it...
cause that's who i am...
with all of u in it...

Thank you....

Survey...

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Drunken+Angel

A survery for friends to use 5 or 6 words to descibe me...=D
(Please..for ppl who actually knows...Thx)

Feeling of Love = Love??

The feeling of love is like the aroma of a flower...
it is so sweet that ppl around can smell it, sense it, feel it...
amazed by its beauty...

We are always taught that.....
Feeling of Love = Love
We too often taught to....
use our eyes to think...
our feelings to act....

but this feeling of love is only a by-product of the care to the "plant of love"...
it has its own cycle...
the beauty of the flower and its aroma will fade...
but it is a cycle...when spring time comes...
the flower will be reborn and bloom again...