不去會死！

作者：石田裕輔
旅行時間：連續7年5個月
訪問國家數：87國
行進距離：94,494公里
爆胎次數：184次
旅費：台幣17萬；
強盜搶劫: 1次
墜入愛河次數：？次

　　「既然降生到這世界上，就要好好看遍它，親眼找出世界第一。」

The author was just a regular clergyman, and it is because of this feeling of having to figure out what is #1 in the world by his own standards, that he set on this journey to travel around the world!!!
He feels that he has to travel the world by his own two feet, not just by plane or by bus, but his own two feet!!! So he went on this long journey riding his bicycle...
Met a lot of follow travellers along the way, seeing Chichen Itza, Torres Del Paine, travelling the silk road, Sahara Desert...camping along the highways and on the snow banks, got robbed in the desert, on the verge of dying from local diseases... lots of great stories...
The best people are the ppl he met in Africa or South America where ppl are more poor, who were treating him with all they had and gave him shelter, where as in the big cities....
The book will have been great if there were more reflections about each place he visited... but I really do appreciate the determination that he showed in being able to complete the trip through so many hardships and sickness...

Makes me want to travel again!!!

Lust, Caution

Meaning to writing this review ever since I saw it a couple of weeks ago...
It was first shown at the Toronto Film Fest with Tony Leung and the other actors coming, and we wasn't able to get the tix for it cause it was so much talked about...
so when it finally came out at the Vansity, I had to go see it...

This is one of the best films I have seen in quite a while and it made me believe in the power of movie again... how it is able to stir ppl's emotions, the power of story telling is superb, the acting is really really great, you can see so much depth and different levels from Tony Leung and also the new star Tang Wei...
Ang Lee was able to use the cinema language perfectly and so subtlety to tell a story that's so moving and touching, to reach into the depth of the soul to show how we are the same...

(Spoilers ahead...)

The story takes place in WWII when Japan was occupying parts of China and how a group of patriotic drama students decided to take matters into their own hands...
Wong Chi Chi(Tang Wei) found her calling in the drama club, as she is able to move audiences, and decided they had to use it for a purpose...kinda like "Heroes"
Their first target is Mr. Yee(Tony Leung), who is a traitor helping the Japanese ppl...closely guarded who won't go to any place that's dark and unknown..
So begins the task to seduce him...

There are a couple of key scenes, definite elements in the movie, one is when Wong takes the smoke from her friend's hands... the cigarette was first used during one of the scenes of acting and when she had decided to take up the role of Mrs. Mak, she took a cigarette by will and that's when the whole journey of "Acting" started...

In order to seduce Yee, Wong needed to learn some techniques, he had to lose her virginity for this "special training" as a big sacrifice and was looking helplessly to Lee Hong, whom Wong was in love with... but he just stood there without saying anything, as the only one from the group that knows how is a drunken bastard to learned his skills from some hookers...
There is a key scene where Wong just stood naked beside the window and looking outside... THis is very important, as it shows the state that Wong was in...
That the body is not really hers anymore and she is not afraid to show it, as she has already given it up as a tool for the "great cause"...it showed her determination...

But when they were notify that Yee had already left HK and went back to China, Wong broke down as she had lost her virginity for nothing and to a sick ugly little guy...and the group found how naive they were as their moves were watched by the underground gangs...so everyone needed to jet....

2 years passed and the chance came when Yee was spotted again and they can continue with their plan of assassination with the help of the rebels, Wong was more than happy to join in so she didn't sacrifice for nothing...

Sex Scenes

The sex scenes to me were there for a very good reason, as it showed Yee's insecurity as a person... through the body language and the face expressions, the state of the relationship between the two were easily uncovered...it showed how lonely Yee really is deep inside as he wasn't able to show it anywhere else... only when he is totally naked and vulnerable that he was able to be his true self...
In the very first "encounter", Wong was trying to play around with him and playing hard to get... Yee was very insecure and thought he was being rejected, so he got violent and beat Wong and kind of raped her...
In the sex scenes afterwards, Yee got a bit more relaxed but he never kissed Wong on the lips... cause that will be like giving out his real emotions... and it is not physical anymore...so it got more and more intense as they get more connected, not just physically, but by their body language...

There was a part where Wong had to meet Yee in a Geisha house...and ppl say that she was a disgrace to the Chinese as it was a place for Japanese to play with women and she went there willingly to be used by Yee...but just want to point out that the people who put her into the spot were the Chinese rebels... and she was doing it for the "good" of the country...not on her own will...

This is a great movie, great story telling with lots of hidden sentimental details...
which not alot of films can do nowadays... esp not with Hollywood anymore...
A must watch...
It is for mature adults of course....

We are helpless even in the face of facts and reality,
because we lack the ability to discern and reflect,
All we can do it to record.

The world without imagination...

"Violence is for those that has lost its imagination.
Has your country lost its imagination?"

This is from the manager of the hospital in Iraq,
where they had to care for hundreds and thousands of children, injuried men and women everyday, with pieces of missiles and metal fragments shot into the body...

It is because of the lack of imagination that the world has gone bad...
we always get into arguments and fights with others,
cause in the post modern, our feelings and stand point is very important, and it is our rights...
and so when ppl don't agree on things, the easiest way is just to see who is the stronger one and beat the heck out of the other till u have to surrender...
When parents dealing with their kids, when couples argues, when kids get into fights in school, cause they didn't see other ways to deal with it, so just start to shout and yell and shoot...


We only see others as an material object, an other, an "it", a number, a stat,
and don't look into ppl...
that they are actually a person with feelings, with their loved ones crying and worrying for them when things happens...

This is why a culture, arts, literature are so important...
to understand humanity,
with flesh and blood, thoughts and feelings...

When are we going to learn...

Shrine Circus

Haven't been to a circus for a while, the last time was like 2 years ago to the Circus De Soule...
Just went to one of those very old traditional circus on the weekend,
one of those that are in the parking lots of a mall.
So I didn't really have many expectations for it,
as it is not really those "artsy" type circus where the focus is on the music and performance.

This one is really raw and traditional...
with a lot of kids there, riding on elephants, face paints, cotton candy,
horses, dogs doing different tricks...
some of the acts were really great to my surprise..
like shooting anchor at the small apple on top of someone's head...
or the elephants acts...really great to my surprise...

Then I realized that we really needed more of these attractions around us,
even though it is small, or not really "professional" to today's standards,
But it is very important as it inspires kids to actually dream,
stir their imagination, giving them the sense of mystery magic...
which is lost to the children of today... without the true sense of what childhood should be like...
as they are mostly in front of the TV, video games...
and the circus actually let they really be there to see and experience these magical trick...
I hear one of the kids said to her parents as they leave after the show...
That she wants to be in the circus when she grows up...
Well...even though we all know her chance of helping a circus is very slim...
but I think it is very beautiful to see a dream was dreamt at that exact moment...

Acting/Directing Class Part II

Finish the directing class a week or two ago...
For this term, it was even harder than last term...
Last term we had to learn to act, having to anayalses the script, personalize who each of the character is to you in real life...
It is very very hard work...
because sometimes you had to go to really deep and dark places of yourself that no one knows about...

I had to play a killer in "Get Carter" who this professional actor...
Then I had to ask myself, in what situation will I really kill someone in real life?
Cause if i don't get this clear, I will only be "playing" an emotion or action, which is the worst acting EVER....
and ppl who knows how to act can tell in an instant that you are faking it...
So I had to picture the ppl who are closest to me, my gf, my family, my best friend...
what will I do if they were killed and murdered and I had to get revenge for them??
Will I kill then? and that's not enough...
I had to even picture how they die... maybe got beaten to death? killed by drunken driving? the body got all cut up?
The emotions that was in you on your way to see the body? How did it look when you first see their body...
the deeper and more detail u pictured it to be, the more real and intense the emotions will be...

Also the bigger the stake are, the better...cause there will be way more conflict in the scene...
I had to do an activity where I had to picture myself to be preparing for an Across fundraising dinner...
and lots of guests were coming...and these gifts...the set of magnets were not sorted out yet...
and if i don't sort out all of them and put them in a set of 8 in a gift envelope in like 10 minutes,
The donors will not give any more funding to Across and we had to close down...
So I gone crazy doing it...
(even though there is no way to do it, and that's the point of the activity and I cannot leave this activity no matter what)
and then a classmate, whom is suppose to play my gf's best friend...
just come in and tell me that she just got into a car accident and is in the hositpal now...
I have to go immediately....
So the big big conflict and tension was created... as to what am I to choose...

Even though it is pretty painful sometimes to do these things, getting the emotions out is really tiring...
and sometimes tears comes out and the negative feelings stay with u for a while...
it shows me how much work a REAL actor needs to do and lots of respect for them...
and I am also thankful that I have lots of life experiences that I can use to fuse the emotions if I needed...

Test the age of your brain

This is a very great game...
Lucky that i am not that old and my brain is still working...
It is pretty funny that when u try to do it...
u can just visualize a line/path for the numbers...
try it...

http://www.excite.co.jp/world/english/web/?wb_url=http%3A%2F%2Fflashfabrica.com%2F&wb_lp=JAEN&wb_dis=2

Another very good friend is going to leave for HK....again...
I have known Jacky ever since high school...
He is one of the rare rare friends that I have that I will call when I am most down and he will be there for me...
used to have afternoon tea with him and his sister and "black ghost" everyday after school...
we don't really do much at that time, but just hang out together all the time, and watch lots of Jap movies, concerts, and lots and lots of comics together... and used to play PS till very late at night...
We were so naive at that time, not that much wants in life, just let life passby as it comes...
Which I never get another chance to have days like that again...
Then me, Jacky and my brother all took part-time in the book store on the weekends, it would be really fun,
as it doesn't really seem like real work and all we do was hang around the malls
and read books during the office hours...
Then as we get more busier in life, got more distanced and less contacts...
But at the farewell dinner that night, when we talk about our "good old days" again,
the friendship is still like the same as yesterday...

Will miss you...
Hope you will do well and find what you are looking for in HK...

"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can CHANGE THE WORLD. Indeed, it is the only thing that every did"
~Margaret Mead

I am through with the past,
but the past is not through with me.

~ Magnolia

Urbana Day 1

Didn't really have much expectation before going to Urbana...
I thought that it was to open my eyes and make a bit more clear as what i am to do...
as i always thought i already found my path and general direction to be doing film stuff or youth stuff...
So i thought it was to go to relax...as was pretty busy before with recording and other meetings...
i even brought two books with me to read...
And so i thought...

We carpooled to Buffalo airport and took the train to Chicago first...then transfer to St.Louis...
the train ride was really great and comforty... cause the seats were really huge...
there was even a observation deck to look out into the wheat fields...
gave me great time to relax and prepare for going into Urbana...
except that we can't really find any food to eat, cause it was Christmas Day and Boxing Day,
not that many resturants opened...

It was late at nite in the train and wasn't able to sleep...
so was talking to Yum about how we each came to know Christ...
and then she suddenly asked me if i have made up with God yet...
i was thinking in my heart...hmmm....what a silly question...
of course i did...
why do u even need to ask??

But then after thinking about it for a while,
I found that maybe i haven't...
After i left church for a couple of years...
and came to Across and back to church...
i wanted to filled lots of info and knowledge about Christians...
kinda to make up for the years that i missed...
but it never really went into my heart...
and i guess i know the Holy Spirit speaks to me and guide me...
but didn't really think there is really a spiritual battle...
so that's why lots of the times, i depended only on myself...

And i guess i always feel that i did lots of bad things in the past and hurted lots of ppl...
never really let myself go and forgave myself...
so there was always this distance.... with myself or with the big G...

So it was really great to have this reflection before getting to Urbana and it set the tone and objective for the whole thing...
to truly experierence God into my heart...to really see Him again...

Across U-hub Living the Dream Concert

Trailer for the Living the Dream Concert that will be held in P.C.Ho Theater at Chinese Culture Center on Sat. Feb 24, 7:30pm and Sun Feb 25, 3:30pm

Pre-order ticket at www.acrossuhub.com

Directing/Acting Classes

I am taking this class that's suppose to be for helping you how to direct actors...
and they say, if you want to know how to direct, you need to know how to act first...
so that you will know how hard it is for actors/actress to express themselves when have to be on the spot...

well...didn't think will have any problems at first, cause i did have some drama experience back in the days...
i don't like to do any public speaking...let alone acting...
but then, cause the class is really small, it is different to act for a whole audience, cause u don't really see any of the ppl down there when the spotlight is on you...so i can be free and do whatever...
so...in this small room full of ppl of different race...it is pretty hard...
forcing you out of the comfort zone...

One of the excise that we learn that will help actors connect is call a "word repetition" game...
that's when two ppl sit opposite of each other, knees to knees, eyes to eyes...
to fully observe any details about the other person, and just keep repetiting the words till there are new observations...
like a ping pong game, bounce back and forth....
will be like "You are scared", "You are scared"....."You are tense", "You are tense"
back and forth...
the purpose is so that the words will keep the brain occupied while your true emotion will be able to come out without thinking it through...

it is pretty interesting...
cause through the games, i learn about myself and others as well...
i can see that the partner that i choose to do this game with,
is someone that i have confidence to "manage", that i can control the whole process without making a fool of myself in front of the class...
somehow, the teacher was able to see this, maybe cause my tone was there to "help" or "teach" the other person how to do this...
and she said "Being safe doesn't get you the best stuff, creativity wise"...
which is pretty true, for me,
i guess i do things the same in many areas of my life,
choosing to do the safest thing so no one will be able to comment on them...
but i think i have change bit by bit these couple of years,
cause i know that no matter what you choose to do, ppl will comment and critiize it no matter what...
so as long as you are true to yourself and do what you feel is right...

Another thing out of this excise,
is that, when the words or phrases are repeated too long,
ppl will try to "act", which means trying to play an emotion, rather than just let the emotion play itself out...
they want to make it to be more interesting...
and that's the worst acting, lowest form of acting there is, playing an emotion, rather than feeling the emotion and then use it to drive the action...
cause "the reality of acting is in the doing itself", truly doing the action with emotion droven...

Then the teacher say that...
we need to be confident that,
just by sitting there, being yourself, is already interesting enough...
don't need to make up other stuff to be special...

I think it is so true in life...
i see ppl around be very afraid of silence...
or afraid they don't have anything to say...
so will make up lots of things to say... try to be funny...
will talk about other ppl, or putting ppl down...
try to show they are superior or smart...
but lots of time, it is just trash that comes out of the mouth...
don't you know that being silent is a message in itself?

It is this feeling of wanting to feel special, trying to get peoples' attention that often hurts people around you.

思想體檢報告

From 思想體檢報告

· 重義氣，對朋友全心全意的付出不會佔別人便宜。
· 與世無爭、步調從容、態度圓融，做人處事低調內斂。
· 順其自然、性格中庸、單純，做人處事以和為貴，容易與人相處。
· 為人正直，痛恨投機取巧者。
· 不推卸責任，骨子硬。
· 求知慾強烈，能將所學運用自如。

缺點：
· 理想主義者，作決定欠缺實際利益考量。
· 缺乏遠見、欠缺責任感與危機意識，應學習先思後行以免因為做了欠缺考量的決策而吃虧。
· 不知變通、冷漠。
· 會因為能力強而高傲、看不起光說不練之人。
· 因為自傲而漠視社會輿論。

Bright Future

First film that i did ever, which was back in 2003.
It was shot with just one roll of 8mm, with a very nice Super 8 camera from the UT Hart house.
It was shot for a Super 8 film fest at the time and there was a live band playing jazz to accompany it.

It was a time when i feel that i was struck in my job working in an office. Didn't my parents say that i will have a great future and a great job waiting for me once i finish university? Is this going to be it for me?
So this film was born...
I purposely shot it straight on, just let it run, to reflect and to show a sense of realism that is experienced in real life.
You feel that it is boring just looking at him work?
Well, aren't you doing the same thing everyday at your job?

On Funeral

"I would rather participate in life than write a hundred stories." ~Thomas Mann

I hate to do shooting more and more now...
well...for events that is...
but cause ppl know that u know a bit about video shooting...
will push you to do it everytime...
and the most recent one is my aunt's funeral...hate it hate it....!!!!!

i already told my mom many times that i don't want to do it...
cause it is very weird to me...
having to shoot a dead person...and esp. one of my own relatives...
and what do i do when i see ppl crying in the funeral?
do i capture it too? like i do when i am doing a wedding?
and having to see the whole thing through the screen of the video camera...
it is as a third person's view...that i am not part of this event, like an outsider...
is like i am not existing in the same space...
i think funeral is a place where the person can be remembered and the family and relatives can let the sadness comes out...
and in a way, let the tears heal each other...
being this "outsider, i can't fully absorb the atomsphere...
was not able to grief and let my emotions out...

all i can think of is to observe the "audience"... what they are feeling...
what type of interactions they may have had in my aunt's life...
try to feel their sadness as a third person and think of what i can write about it...
HATE IT!!!!!!

In remembrance...

It was Sunday afternoon, while i was having lunch with my brother and sisters after worship...
then suddenly got a call from my mom, who rarely calls me on my cell...
and i can hear her voice being a bit shaky... but pretend to be calm at first...
just a moment later just burst out in tears and said...
"#2 aunt may not be able to make it... you should come to the hospital right away..."

Almost all the sisters from my mom's side have moved to Canada together
and we will always have these big family gatherings almost every week...
there will be about 20 ppl all clamped into one house..including all the kids and stuff...
and so the family ties are really close...
and my #2 aunt had always been really faithful in church....
kind and helpful to everyone...

When i arrive at the ICU, i can see almost everyone of my relatives there already,
everyone looking very grave and some still having tears in their eyes...
i couldn't really believe this is really happening, it was all so sudden,
my aunt had a brain stroke...
there was no signs or warnings...
she was at home going to take a shower
and the next moment, she fell to the floor...
was not able to breath on her own, only the heart is still pounding...
and by 6pm, the doctor declared her offically brain dead and passed away...

My mom told me that she was really glad that the 4 sisters had a gathering the night before...
where they were able to share their struggles...
and one of the struggle that my aunt was having...
was worrying about my cousin who have left God for a long time now...
also my little cousin who is studying aboard and my aunt had to be her guidance here...
but cause she was a bit hard to take care of...
cause the two cousins weren't getting along were in the same house...
they were helping for God's help...
then the next day, this happens...

My cousin was really upsad, but believe that they will be meeting again in the heavens...
and said that will still take up my aunt's will to take care of her...

If this is God's will...
as it is not always what we wished for...
will you still be able to obey and accept it when it goes for the wrong turn?

Wow...just realized that i haven't written anything for almost 2 months...
too many things happening for the past months, too many things and thoughts crowded inside my head that is just struck there and can't get out...
even since my HK/Taiwan trip from April, then come back to City Mosaic, started a relationship...then being a youth mentor for the very first time in the camp, then the Toronto film fest where i watched around 14 films or more...then suddenly passing away of my aunt in one day's time, taking up this new acting/directing night class at Ryerson...all these happens in a couple of months time...

i feel that all these things need to be sinked in and digested...
that i was stuck in a state of blankness only till now begin to recover little by little...
hope i can be able to make sense of it, retrieve it from memory...and not let the experiences go to waste...

Life as a mathematical formula

There are so many unknowns in life...
if we are to set some variables to define these unknowns, X (men), Y(women), Z(incident)
so for example, 2 guys having a fight maybe something like this X1 +X2 +Z = ?
or maybe a love triangle will be like X1 + X2 + Y + Z == X + Y1 +Y2 + Z == some negative number cause someone is going to get hurt for sure...

also there are so many changes in life, which we can call "derivatives" (dx)/(dy), where life changes every moment of the day, and we do an "integration", to collect all the changes (dx) in life and recreate the whole picture by adding all of these changes up...


There are so many ppl in life, so many things happening, changes every seconds...
what if we encounter something that we cannot understand or cannot solve?
like (This guy keeps bugging me and won't go away), (Need to buy a car/house and don't have enough money to pay for the down payment), (don't know about my calling or future direction)....
all these things are happening in your life... and wont' be able to solve it in the short term...
so can just put a bracket around them and just leave them alone for a while...and go on with other stuff..
sometimes after a while, the bracket may just opens up and goes away,
or you have found the unknown variables you need in other parts of life and will be able to work these brackets out...


there will for sure be ppl or incidents that gives you bad experiences or negative numbers...
but when you look at the whole picture, they are just a small part of your life long long LONG equation...
and we may need some of those negative experiences to counter another gloomy event later on in another stage...
which will make a positive outcome...

so don't be discourage for all the struggles and unknowns in life...

P.S. if you can use the Strong Law of Large Numbers on the world,
then you will be able to see God the all mighty exist....=D

P.P.S. Sorry for all these numbers and variables, just my calculus memory from UT coming back to haunt me...XD

"Only when the glass breaks can light shine through."
~ Leonard Cohen